Tough Love

Caring for my father at end of life with my sister Diane presented a challenge I never expected.  I lovingly gave her the title of  "fluffer" during our last few months as caregivers. Dad had trouble grasping the fact he was dying.  He just wasn't ready.  Once he began asking questions about the future, his future, he realized who would give him the sugar-coated version.  And it was not me.  About a month before his death, the three of us were having coffee and Dad asked if he would be moving back into an apartment when he got better.  Of course he was looking straight at my sister for the answer he wanted to hear.  She couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth, and gave him a loving, fluffy answer.  I remember looking at her and seeing the pain in her eyes saying to me she just couldn't do it.  Dad seemed satisfied with the answer at the time.  Then a few weeks later, he asked me the same question.  It was just the two of us.  I grabbed his hand and looked him in the eyes and told him he was going to spend the rest of his life in my house.  And I promised we would be by his side the entire time.  The look on his face ripped my heart out.  And I knew by him asking me the question, he was ready to deal with the truth.  Yes, I am an advocate of tough love. I come by it naturally.  The cold hard truth is not always easy to digest and some may dismiss it entirely.  Like my father, there will come a time when the "fluff" wears off and truth is the only way of moving forward to acceptance. Tough love or truth given in the spirit of love can transcend even the most dire situations.  

Soon after my discussion with Dad, he became unresponsive and passed away 10 days later. We were holding his hands the moment he took his last breath. 

The first reading today (Acts 14:5-18) inspired my blog post. Paul and Barnabas are out proclaiming the Good News and come across a crippled man, lame from birth.  Paul sees this man's faith, and tells him to stand up, healing him.  When the crowds saw this miracle, they started shouting that Paul and Barnabas were gods in human form.  All this despite hearing the Good News. The Truth. They weren't listening.  

The Apostles Barnabas and Paul tore their garments when they heard this and rushed out into the crowd, shouting, "Men, why are you doing this? We are of the same nature as you, human beings. We proclaim to you good news that you should turn from these idols to the living God, who made heaven and earth and sea and all that is in them. In past generations he allowed all Gentiles to go their own ways; yet, in bestowing his goodness, he did not leave himself without witness, for he gave you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, and filled you with nourishment and gladness for your hearts." Even with these words, they scarcely restrained the crowds from offering sacrifice to them.

In Volume Two, the Eucharistic Heart of Jesus, our beloved Savior has this to say about truth:

“I speak the truth. Always. Children, do not tell lies. To lie is to sin and remember that sin requires repentance. I speak with great kindness. I am gentle, but I do not withhold the truth, My child, because I fear your anger. If you are called upon to correct someone, do so. Counsel a friend or loved one in moral matters if you feel they are mistaken. Ask Me if I want this from you and I will tell you. Often I prompt a soul to correct a loved one. I understand that this calls for courage but I will see that you do not lack courage if you are following My will. Speak with great love and gentleness and speak the truth. Often, hearing the truth will anger a soul. Remain calm and loving in the face of this anger and know that people were and are often angry with Me.”

Soothing words from our Jesus.  Every time I read Volume Two, He provides comfort when I am placed in tough love situations.  I especially love the last line of the quote above.  It makes the anger of others facing the truth easier to tolerate. 

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with the ability to face tough love situations with peace and calm in my heart.  Always guide my words with Your gentleness so the truth hurts a little less.

God bless,

Bonnie