Why Confession?

Sitting across from another human being and admitting all my deep dark secrets?  All my mistakes, things I am ashamed of?   God knows everything I've done and He forgives me.  So why should I go to Confession?  I didn't need it.  Or so I thought . . .

Before my first Eucharistic Day of Renewal with Anne a lay apostle in 2006, the thought of Confession scared me. But when Confession was offered during the break, I knew Jesus was gently prompting me to renew this important part of my faith.  My heart felt as if it would explode from my chest at any moment. Was I ready? My thoughts raced, trying to recall all that had been forgotten or desperately pushed far into the recesses of my mind over the years.  Many years.  Around 25 to be exact.  I knew it was time for me to return to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I examined all the clergy on the altar available to hear confessions.  They all had kind faces, except one.  His was pinched and uninviting.  I would avoid him and choose one strong enough to hear all I had to confess. 

The time was drawing near and I had to take the first step.  I looked around the church and plotted my course to the priest with the friendliest face.  His robust appearance demonstrated good health with no chance of heart failure when hearing my transgressions.  The line was long (I could only assume others felt the need for a kind face), but I was determined to change my life.  Start anew with a clean slate.  I stood behind a kind woman from Tampa and we chatted quietly about Anne and this rescue mission.  I think we both needed the distraction.  The line became shorter and shorter. I was tenth in line when the announcement came.  Everyone needed to be back in their seats in 15 minutes.  I had already been in line for a half hour.  There was no way I would be able to confess to this priest.  I had two choices:  one, sit back down and commit to confessing another day; or two, find the shortest line and get it over with.  Lo and behold, the priest with the shortest line was the one I had avoided.  My anxiety level accelerated as I quickly moved over to his line.  There were only two people in front of me.  Soon, I was sitting in the chair across from him. “Bless me father, for I have sinned, it has been, gulp, 25 years since my last confession.”  No look of shock; no hyperventilation.  I have coined what happened next as “verbal vomiting.”  As soon as he told me to confess my sins, they spilled out.  One horrible sin after another.  Tears were streaming down my face.  As soon as I couldn’t think of anything else to confess, this beautiful, holy man grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes.  “You are holding on to so much guilt, child.  Do you know that Jesus loves you?”  “Yes, I do,” I said looking into his kind eyes.  “Well, Jesus forgives you.  Now, say the Act of Contrition.”  I began to panic for an instant trying to remember the words.  Then, with every ounce of dignity I had left, I admitted I had forgotten it.  He squeezed my hands and told me to ask Jesus for forgiveness, which I did.  My penance . . . ten Our Father’s and ten Hail Mary’s.  I got up and returned to my seat, feeling 10 pounds lighter.  

In Anne's book, The Mist of Mercy, she speaks about the beauty of Confession:

"God offers us forgiveness, regardless of the sins we have committed. God’s forgiveness has no strings or limits attached. God’s forgiveness does not come and go. God does not make forgiveness available one day and then withdrawn the offer of it the next day. The forgiveness of God is and always will be. Like everything else about God, His forgiveness is perfect. Once it is given, it will not be taken away. God’s forgiveness does not rely on anything in us. Are you sorry for your sins? If the answer is yes, then you have nothing to worry about. Go to Confession if you are a Catholic and everything will be fine. Some people recall a bad experience in Confession. They cite this as the reason they no longer go to Confession or indeed pray or go to Mass. This is heartbreaking. Be aware that Jesus calls priests from the group that is humanity. Priests are human. If a priest behaved badly to you, God will deal with him. Be assured that the Lord knows the sins of His priests. We must also be assured that when we die and stand before God, He will not ask us what everyone else did wrong. He will ask us for an account of OUR life. Look past the priest to Jesus Christ. Do not allow a bad experience to pull you away from God’s love and from all that He offers through His Church. It is good for people to understand that there is no limit to God’s forgiveness. Some people think that their sins, their malice and the damage they have done to others, makes it impossible for God to forgive them. They feel they will always be permanently excluded from God’s family. This is only possible if a person refuses to repent and wishes to be excluded. Some people think they do not want to go to Confession and confess their past sins because it means they are making a commitment to perfection. They think, I’m not ready to be perfect. I’m not ready to change. I’m not ready to completely give up some of my habits or behaviors. Please, please, please do not let this stop you from going to Confession. Jesus knows you will fail again. He accepts this. If there is the smallest desire in you to try to do the smallest bit better for God, then you should go to Confession and let Christ, through the priest, help you. Conversion is an ongoing thing. We do not become perfect in a day. We do not even become perfect in a lifetime. But we do need to admit that we can improve and begin to try. Think small steps and the Lord will do big things. Do not avoid your role in the renewal because you have sinned. If you are repentant, you are just the type of person needed. One who comes to God in humility can be restored to purity in an instant. God has no difficulty in forgiving a repentant sinner. It is far more difficult for God to deal with a person who serves heaven but takes all the credit. It is God who grants holiness, after all. It is God who performs miracles. What makes a valuable lay apostle? I must say that God loves humility and willingness. When a person encounters someone who loves God and who is humble, he is drawn to that person and drawn to God. When a person encounters someone who loves God but who is arrogant in his service, he is not drawn to that person and sadly, an opportunity for conversion can be missed."

Thank you, Lord, for the graces offered in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  I truly know You have forgiven me, letting go of my past mistakes.  I continue to pray others I have hurt can forgive me, too.

God bless,

Bonnie