Waiting . . .

As I sit in the waiting room while my baby girl is in surgery, all I can pray is Jesus protect my girl and bring her back to me.  My heart hurts so much right now.  But she is in very capable hands, one of the best reconstructive surgeons in Florida.  As comforting as that is, my baby is in His Loving Hands.  I feel Mary our Blessed Mother wrapping her mantle around Tay keeping her in the safety of a mother's arms when her earthly mother cannot.

The surgeon just came out before I even had the chance start my Rosary!  Praise the Lord!  He said she did great and was already talking!

Short post tonight!  Exhausted and thankful mom here.  Thank you to everyone praying for Taylor.  She was in Good Hands!

God bless,
Bonnie

Preparing for the storms

It's the phone call every parent dreads.  Your child has been in a car accident.  That call came this past Thursday night.  I had been out with friends to hear speaker and author Matthew Kelly (Rediscover Catholicism, Off Balance) discuss why now is the time to step up as Catholics.  During his talk, to paraphrase, he said, "be prepared for the storms, for you never know when they will come."  Boy, I did not expect the storm to occur so quickly.  Not more than an hour after his talk, the call came. My youngest daughter, a college student on the opposite coast of Florida, had been rear-ended.  Her dear friend who had been in the car with her, called me from the scene of the accident.  My heart stopped.  She said Taylor was ok, maybe a broken nose.  But the car was totaled.  The paramedic asked to speak with me.  All vital signs were good, but taking her to the hospital for assessment.  She told me if they hadn't been wearing their seat belts, they would have flown through the front windshield.  The impact crushed the rear end of the car into the front seats.  Only by the grace of God did those girls walk away from this accident.  And, with no head injuries.  Just a broken nose and some whiplash.  I have been with my daughter this entire weekend, and have not stopped thanking the Lord for allowing me to have my daughter by my side, healthy, alive, talking, walking, and still my baby girl.  

In the November 2010 Monthly Message, Jesus shows us the power of our prayers.  We may not understand why certain things happen, difficult things.  One day, when we face our Lord, all will make sense.  

". . . You, dear apostle, have shown Me that you are interested in My pain which will always involve the pain of humanity. This moves My heart to the greatest generosity. I answer your prayers in a mystical way. Some day you will see that I answered your prayers in the most beneficial way possible, given the intention. Many unnecessary calamities are avoided because of prayer. The greatest mercy flows down to your loved ones through your prayers, even though you suffer terribly when you see your loved ones hurt or when you must be separated from them, particularly when you do not expect to be separated from them. I am the merciful Christ in all of these situations."

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord, for sparing my daughter and her friend.  I truly can't imagine the pain of losing a child.  Please comfort those who have lost a child and flow graces to them bringing peace into their aching hearts.  

God bless,

Bonnie


P.S.  There has been such an outpouring of love and prayers for Taylor and me this past weekend. But there are some people I have to thank: Karen, Stan, Tim and Jenna for keeping me calm during that awful phone call; Whitney for being my strength when I needed it that night; Mallorie for her love and prayers; Steve for all his love and prayers; Hannah for taking care of my baby girl until I could get there; everyone at DFOT for their love and prayers; and all the wonderful people I have met here in Ft. Lauderdale this weekend: Lauren (who kept Tay calm in a scary situation), Ross (for sitting by my girl in the ER until she was discharged); Anthony (Antman!) for prayers and being so thoughtful taking pressure off regarding Tay's car situation.   And, all my Facebook friends who prayed for us!  I love you all!

A single lay apostle

Living the single life after divorce has its ups and downs.  The upside is freedom to do as I please.  If I want to eat Reece's Peanut Butter cups for dinner, no one is around to condemn my choice (I have only done this a few times . . . ok, maybe more than a few!).  The downside?   At night, when the phone stops ringing and silence prevails, loneliness can edge its way in.  I have grown accustomed to the quiet now.  But occasionally, in the stillness of the night, I contemplate the dating world.  I know exactly what I want and need at this point in my life. Finding the right man is not an easy task.   My priorities have shifted significantly. Is it really about finding someone who satisfies all my needs?  In Anne a lay apostle's book Lessons in Love, her brilliant words refocus me.

"Let us remember, single apostles, that our time is best spent becoming the right person, not trying to find the right person. Do not spend the bulk of your time looking. Spend the bulk of your time becoming. Become. If we, as single lay apostles, constantly seek to find the right person, we are not trying hard enough to become the right person. In this case, we are ignoring our need for development and the right person might not choose us because we have not cooperated with the Lord in our own formation."

I am working hard to become the right person.  I feel Jesus refocusing my attention away from relationships and closer to my life centering around Him.  When I was at my weakest, He knew I needed some major distractions.  So, He is blessing me with two grandchildren this year!  My first grandchild will be here in about 8 weeks!  Perfect timing as always, Jesus!

Thank you, Lord, for leading me to Your Sacred Heart.  I know I must be extremely challenging for You, and I appreciate Your patience!

God bless,

Bonnie

What goes in, shouldn't necessarily come out . . .

When we are wronged, forgotten, humiliated, or even despised, our natural tendency is damage control.  Sometimes, making ourselves feel better requires inflicting pain in response, and not always on the offender.  Revenge and retaliation are never a good idea.  In today's Gospel (Mark 7: 14-23), Jesus clearly defines how we defile ourselves by our actions:

Jesus summoned the crowd again and said to them, "Hear me, all of you, and understand. Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile."

When he got home away from the crowd his disciples questioned him about the parable. He said to them, "Are even you likewise without understanding? Do you not realize that everything that goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters not the heart but the stomach and passes out into the latrine?"

(Thus he declared all foods clean.) "But what comes out of the man, that is what defiles him. From within the man, from his heart, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile."

I am guilty of responding negatively when lied to.  There is very little I despise more than a liar.  In the past, to ease the pain, I have administered the pain back by letting go of confidences, bringing others into places they shouldn't be.  We are all guilty of gossip, right?   In Volume Two, Jesus reiterates the above parable:

"My child, when you read scripture you will become familiar with how I lived. You must do this daily and through scripture you will learn about Me. Days will pass and your life will unfold before you and you will find yourself becoming Me. You will watch your heart be moved with pity for humanity, as Mine was moved. You will accept hurts with dignity and understanding, seeking no revenge. Yes, you will change."

Thank you, Lord, for showing me through the Gospels and this mission, how to control not only what goes in, but what comes out of me, too.  I am a work in progress and I pray you continue to calm my heart.

God bless,

Bonnie

Ask and You Shall Receive

Most mornings I wake up ready to serve the Lord, trusting in His every direction for my day. But, this morning I woke up with the weight of the world on my heart.  Anxiety crept in overnight causing me to question if I was headed in the right direction with my life.  To snap myself out of this self-doubt, I began my morning prayers, asking for His guidance.  Now, Jesus knows I need to be slapped in the face with an answer because I am usually second-guessing myself.  He responds so quickly at times, reassuring me of His continual presence.   After my prayers, I logged on to write my blog entry for today.  Staring at the blank "compose" screen in front of me, I contemplated what I would write about.  No joke, within seconds the phone rang.  It was a phone call from a young man working for the DFOT mission.  Our discussion reassured me I was on the right track.  Boy, Jesus never ceases to amaze me!  When looking for a quote today, I came across this in Volume Four, from God the Father:  

"My children of the world, I would like you to ask Me for everything you need. I am your Father and in this time I seek to be available to each one of you in a clear way. Ask Me for what you require and I will see that you have it. You are accustomed to fulfilling every need through the world. In this way, you forgot to look toward heaven. Now you will look to heaven again and that is as it should be. Cry out to your Father, who sees all and takes all into consideration. You will become dependent on Me as past generations were dependent on Me. This is natural and holy."

We all have moments of self-doubt, don't we?  During those moments, ask God for what you need and listen for His answer.  It will come in some way, shape or form. Whether it be a phone call or an unexpected email, whatever it is, trust He is guiding your life and in control.  

Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayers so quickly at times, and for the patience to wait when the answer takes a little longer than I anticipated!

God bless,
Bonnie

The beauty within

Every month, lay apostles check their email inboxes until it arrives . . . the Monthly Message Jesus gives Anne about His call to service.  And every month when it arrives, it is my nourishment.  My heart falls more and more in love with Our Lord.  His words propel me forward in service to Him.  And, most importantly, I have hope. 

"Dear apostles, your faith makes you beautiful. I am watching you as you receive graces from heaven. Your heart is transformed, little by little, and your service to Me is purified and becoming more unblemished by self interest. Your life is changing in many ways. Perhaps you are leaving one type of service for another or completing a task that has held your attention for a long time. Perhaps you are laying down a heavy cross of suffering and being released from it so that you can serve more freely in another way. Perhaps, dear apostle, you are awaiting your next heavenly assignment and you are eager to move on to it. Or you are simply serving faithfully as best you can in the work that is yours each day. Regardless, you believe, and you are trying to live that belief. This makes you beautiful to Me. Yes, faithfulness to Me consoles the world. The little pocket of faithfulness you contribute is like a sign that directs the eyes of others to the next life. Others look at you and understand that not everyone lives for this life. They understand that even if you are wrong about eternity, hope in eternity exists. My friends, you do not realize the value of that hope for someone in a moment when all hope seems lost. Poor humanity. We must bring hope to the world through our committed service to the Father. And if you find your hope challenged, then you must explain to Me the source of your pain. Come to Me in the silence of your heart and I will listen to your grief. I will console you. I will show you that the power of heaven can heal the gravest hurts and the cruelest sufferings. I will restore you. Please believe Me. It is in the interest of all of humanity that you possess the hope needed for others. Yes, you are beautiful to Me, dear apostles. You are beautiful."

Always remember, lay apostles, trust Jesus when your hope begins to waver.  Serve Him faithfully.

Thank you, Lord, for changing my life.  I am getting stronger every day!

God bless,

Bonnie

A United Voice

I am the first to admit I am not a political person.  But, I do follow the news online . . . sometimes. Yesterday I came across the following albeit from December 2011. I was so overwhelmed with joy reading Catholics and non-Catholics were uniting on the issue of the Health and Human Services contraceptive mandate.

Protestants and Jews declare to White House: We stand with Catholics
December 22, 2011 by Emily Hardman

Protestant and orthodox Jewish leaders join in opposition to HHS contraceptive mandate.

Today, more than 40 non-Catholic religious organizations including Protestant-affiliated colleges, National Association of Evangelicals, Focus on the Family, Assemblies of God, Northwest Nazarene University, and Eastern Mennonite University, sent a letter to the White House demanding religious protection against the newly issued HHS contraceptive mandate.

“We write not in opposition to Catholic leaders and organizations. We write in solidarity.” Says the coalition letter. “Leaders of other faiths are also deeply troubled by and opposed to the mandate and the narrow exemption.”

In a letter sent December 21, 2011, the group expressed deep concern about the contraceptive provision in the Health and Human Services mandates, which includes the most narrow “religious employer” qualifications excluding protection of most-faith based organizations.

“We are all deeply concerned about the narrow exemption, including proposals made to expand it while still leaving unprotected many faith-based organizations.” The letter continues, “We believe that the Federal government is obligated by the First Amendment to accommodate the religious convictions of faith-based organizations of all kinds, Catholic and non-Catholic.”


And yet, despite this glorious united front, on January 20, 2012, it was announced that almost all employers, including Catholic and faith-based employers, will be forced to offer employees health coverage providing sterilization, abortion-inducing drugs and contraceptives.

Now, remember, I am politically challenged, but here I go. Is it just my imagination? Haven't the liberals and Obama supporters been fighting to make sure church and state have nothing to do with each other? To take religion out of everything? And now they are mandating what religious organizations must comply with despite their religious convictions? Seems to me they want their cake and eat it too. I may not be politically correct, but if they want faith out of everything, why are they trying to politically control religion? People of all faiths, WAKE UP! Wake up before you find yourself living in a world without religious freedom, dominated by atheism. Did Jesus worry about being politically correct here on earth? 


In Anne, a lay apostle's book, Serving in Clarity, she sheds light on this topic:

“As lay apostles, we look always to the example of Jesus Christ in Scripture. First of all we ask ourselves if Jesus was politically correct. Did our Jesus hold back the truth so that people would like Him and not kill Him? No. Jesus Christ spoke the truth in the greatest gentleness and love. He spoke the truth as a teacher speaks the truth, with a goal of illuminating the soul of the person with whom he speaks, thus advancing that person so that the person can go on to accept even greater truths. Did Jesus say, “I know the truth and you do not, therefore I am better than you?” Did Jesus say, “I live the truth and you do not, therefore I am going to heaven and you are not?” Did Jesus say, “If you don’t immediately conform to My exact view of the truth you will go to hell?” Clearly not. It is not Jesus who speaks like this. Remember that Jesus had the complete truth. He was the Truth then and He is the Truth now, and yet, from this position of power Jesus was and is gentle and kind. We, His followers, are called to proceed similarly. We must speak the truth in kindness and gentleness, remembering always that we do not hold ourselves above anyone.”

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me faith in You is number one, not political correctness. I stand united with You always. Please give me the grace to be gentle and kind as You were when the truth should be spoken.

God bless,
Bonnie

Why Confession?

Sitting across from another human being and admitting all my deep dark secrets?  All my mistakes, things I am ashamed of?   God knows everything I've done and He forgives me.  So why should I go to Confession?  I didn't need it.  Or so I thought . . .

Before my first Eucharistic Day of Renewal with Anne a lay apostle in 2006, the thought of Confession scared me. But when Confession was offered during the break, I knew Jesus was gently prompting me to renew this important part of my faith.  My heart felt as if it would explode from my chest at any moment. Was I ready? My thoughts raced, trying to recall all that had been forgotten or desperately pushed far into the recesses of my mind over the years.  Many years.  Around 25 to be exact.  I knew it was time for me to return to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I examined all the clergy on the altar available to hear confessions.  They all had kind faces, except one.  His was pinched and uninviting.  I would avoid him and choose one strong enough to hear all I had to confess. 

The time was drawing near and I had to take the first step.  I looked around the church and plotted my course to the priest with the friendliest face.  His robust appearance demonstrated good health with no chance of heart failure when hearing my transgressions.  The line was long (I could only assume others felt the need for a kind face), but I was determined to change my life.  Start anew with a clean slate.  I stood behind a kind woman from Tampa and we chatted quietly about Anne and this rescue mission.  I think we both needed the distraction.  The line became shorter and shorter. I was tenth in line when the announcement came.  Everyone needed to be back in their seats in 15 minutes.  I had already been in line for a half hour.  There was no way I would be able to confess to this priest.  I had two choices:  one, sit back down and commit to confessing another day; or two, find the shortest line and get it over with.  Lo and behold, the priest with the shortest line was the one I had avoided.  My anxiety level accelerated as I quickly moved over to his line.  There were only two people in front of me.  Soon, I was sitting in the chair across from him. “Bless me father, for I have sinned, it has been, gulp, 25 years since my last confession.”  No look of shock; no hyperventilation.  I have coined what happened next as “verbal vomiting.”  As soon as he told me to confess my sins, they spilled out.  One horrible sin after another.  Tears were streaming down my face.  As soon as I couldn’t think of anything else to confess, this beautiful, holy man grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes.  “You are holding on to so much guilt, child.  Do you know that Jesus loves you?”  “Yes, I do,” I said looking into his kind eyes.  “Well, Jesus forgives you.  Now, say the Act of Contrition.”  I began to panic for an instant trying to remember the words.  Then, with every ounce of dignity I had left, I admitted I had forgotten it.  He squeezed my hands and told me to ask Jesus for forgiveness, which I did.  My penance . . . ten Our Father’s and ten Hail Mary’s.  I got up and returned to my seat, feeling 10 pounds lighter.  

In Anne's book, The Mist of Mercy, she speaks about the beauty of Confession:

"God offers us forgiveness, regardless of the sins we have committed. God’s forgiveness has no strings or limits attached. God’s forgiveness does not come and go. God does not make forgiveness available one day and then withdrawn the offer of it the next day. The forgiveness of God is and always will be. Like everything else about God, His forgiveness is perfect. Once it is given, it will not be taken away. God’s forgiveness does not rely on anything in us. Are you sorry for your sins? If the answer is yes, then you have nothing to worry about. Go to Confession if you are a Catholic and everything will be fine. Some people recall a bad experience in Confession. They cite this as the reason they no longer go to Confession or indeed pray or go to Mass. This is heartbreaking. Be aware that Jesus calls priests from the group that is humanity. Priests are human. If a priest behaved badly to you, God will deal with him. Be assured that the Lord knows the sins of His priests. We must also be assured that when we die and stand before God, He will not ask us what everyone else did wrong. He will ask us for an account of OUR life. Look past the priest to Jesus Christ. Do not allow a bad experience to pull you away from God’s love and from all that He offers through His Church. It is good for people to understand that there is no limit to God’s forgiveness. Some people think that their sins, their malice and the damage they have done to others, makes it impossible for God to forgive them. They feel they will always be permanently excluded from God’s family. This is only possible if a person refuses to repent and wishes to be excluded. Some people think they do not want to go to Confession and confess their past sins because it means they are making a commitment to perfection. They think, I’m not ready to be perfect. I’m not ready to change. I’m not ready to completely give up some of my habits or behaviors. Please, please, please do not let this stop you from going to Confession. Jesus knows you will fail again. He accepts this. If there is the smallest desire in you to try to do the smallest bit better for God, then you should go to Confession and let Christ, through the priest, help you. Conversion is an ongoing thing. We do not become perfect in a day. We do not even become perfect in a lifetime. But we do need to admit that we can improve and begin to try. Think small steps and the Lord will do big things. Do not avoid your role in the renewal because you have sinned. If you are repentant, you are just the type of person needed. One who comes to God in humility can be restored to purity in an instant. God has no difficulty in forgiving a repentant sinner. It is far more difficult for God to deal with a person who serves heaven but takes all the credit. It is God who grants holiness, after all. It is God who performs miracles. What makes a valuable lay apostle? I must say that God loves humility and willingness. When a person encounters someone who loves God and who is humble, he is drawn to that person and drawn to God. When a person encounters someone who loves God but who is arrogant in his service, he is not drawn to that person and sadly, an opportunity for conversion can be missed."

Thank you, Lord, for the graces offered in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  I truly know You have forgiven me, letting go of my past mistakes.  I continue to pray others I have hurt can forgive me, too.

God bless,

Bonnie

Moments of Uncertainty

Most days, I feel strong and fearless knowing Jesus is here with me at all times. But there are moments I feel panic setting in when thinking about what my future holds. Worries about finances, children, grandchildren, relationships, and career creep into my thoughts when I least expect it . . . before my morning coffee, during a workout, and especially when I have writer's block.  Logically, I know I need to stay in the present.  But as most of us know, worry is something we must actively suppress or we may begin to feel ambushed.  In Volume Nine, Jesus has this to say about worry:

"Ask yourself again if you are overwhelmed. When you are worrying about the future there is always a risk of becoming frightened because you have the graces only for the present. You are given what you need for this moment. Remain with Me, with Mary your mother, and the saints and angels. We are not in the future. We are not in the past. We are here, in the present, and you are one part of our powerful team."

For today, if we become overwhelmed, let's remember we are part of a very powerful, heavenly team.  If we don't do our part, how can Jesus' Light flow through us to those in darkness?   Right now, say a quick Our Father, praying we remain in the present today.  Jesus has big plans for us, lay apostles!  I, for one, want to be on the winning team!  Team Jesus! 

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me, through Your words in the Volumes, I need to remain where You and all of heaven are, in the present.  I am so thankful to be on Your team!

God bless,

Bonnie

Spiritual Discipline

There is a rule in my house I take very seriously: If you live under my roof, you go to church with me on Sunday morning. If you are home visiting from college, you are under my roof and will go to church with me on Sunday morning. No ifs, ands or buts! I have three girls, so you can imagine what Sunday mornings were like when they were growing up! I have had some pretty pissed off teenagers angrily applying mascara in the backseat on the way to Mass. But a rule is a rule. And, might I say, this is one of the most important rules there are no exceptions to (ok, puking your guts out allowed them to stay home!). As parents, we ARE NOT their best friends. We set rules. We stick to the rules. If our children get mad at us, so be it. They get over it, I promise. They learn from us how to be parents themselves. I don't know about you, but I want my grandchildren to know Jesus. I want them to grow up with the house rule of going to Mass on Sunday. With two grandchildren on the way, I have no doubt they will love the Lord as much as their mommies and I do! I am not a perfect mother, I made plenty of mistakes along the way. There is one thing I know I have passed along to my girls, it is love of our Lord and strong faith. The rest of childrearing can be figured out with their spouses!

In Volume One, Thoughts on Spirituality, I love how Jesus explains spiritual discipline:

"I want My children to have spiritual discipline. This means you practice your faith regardless of how you feel. There is far too much time spent on feelings today. Duty is more important. My children of the world think that their duties should be suspended if their feelings change. This is not the case, My children. On the contrary, you must complete your duties despite feelings of fatigue, boredom, and restlessness. The enemy uses these feelings to persuade people that they should not serve their loved ones. The world encourages this and does not hold people responsible when they shirk their duties or become lax or lazy. Indeed, even in work My children complain and think they should be given liberty. They begrudge doing their duty in every area of their lives. Only in their personal entertainment do they stop complaining, and that is being taken to excess. Children, this is not the way I intended for you to live. Your duty is holy and in it you will find your path to holiness. When you are unsure about what I want you to do at a given moment, look for your duty. Does it lie with your children, your job, your family, your home, your work? Everyone has a duty and in it you will find the path to your salvation. I want you to have discipline now. Decide, through prayer and conversation with Me, what spiritual practices you need to adopt. Then you must be disciplined about these practices. Only on rare occasions should you lift your obligation to complete them. Please don’t think I do not understand the pressures in your life. I am attempting, though, to realign your priorities and place them into an order that is more consistent with your decision to serve Me. You must listen to Me, and together we will accomplish this task. You will proceed more peacefully and purposefully afterwards. I am with you and will help you to obtain this spiritual discipline, which will speed you in your conversion."

Are there days when I don't feel like praying? Yes, sometimes. On those days I know I need to try harder as the evil one would LOVE me to put if off for another day. Please, rearrange your priorities now. Make prayer and thankfulness number one. Let your children see your commitment to Christ so they will continue to make Him their number one priority when raising your grandchildren some day.

Thank you, Lord, for somehow getting in my young thick skull so long ago, the importance of showing my children You are worth worshiping at least one hour on a weekend, more importantly, 24/7.

God bless,

Bonnie

A Wandering Mind

The Rosary is a reflection on the life of Our Savior. Praying the Rosary daily has become part of my morning prayer and meditation. (Here is a link to learn how to pray the Rosary: http://www.rosary-center.org/howto.htm) Recently, one of my daughter's asked how I focus on the teaching while saying the Our Father and Hail Mary's. Well . . . all I could tell her was practice! And, yes, my mind does wander at times. And that is OK. Each decade of the mystery you are praying (Sorrowful, Glorious, Luminous and Joyful mysteries) represents different times in the history of our salvation. And with each decade, there is a fruit. For example, in the Sorrowful Mysteries, the first decade is The Agony in the Garden. "In His anguish He prayed with all the greater intensity, and His sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground. Then He rose from prayer and came to His disciples, only to find them asleep, exhausted with grief." The fruit of this mystery is sorrow for sin. Christ suffered for our sins, so meditating on this decade brings to mind my own sins and how much harder I want to try to avoid sin in the future. And, the Rosary is a prayer to ask the Blessed Mother's intercession with her Son for us. Something my mother always said sticks in my mind. "If you pray for something, also pray for Mary's intercession. What son doesn't listen to his mother?"

In the December 1, 2009 Monthly Message, Jesus has this to say about distraction in prayer:

"My dear apostle, you must remember that we are not separated. Sometimes, in your weariness, you pray and seek understanding of the situations in your life. When you do this, please remember that I am with you. You are not separated from Me when your thoughts seek to provide you with answers. If you remind your self that I am not separate from you, you will search for truth more calmly and with more confidence that there is an answer to your many dilemmas. Please do not concern yourself if you are distracted in prayer. Use these times of distraction to talk to Me. Tell me what is distracting you and we will talk about it together. We are together, after all, so I am there. If a certain pattern of sin is troubling you, ask Me how I feel about it. Ask for My observations. You, my beloved apostle, are a studier of Me and how I treated others. Because of your desire to know me, you have a familiarity with My heart that others lack. I will give you the answers you seek, both in terms of your spiritual condition and in terms of the holiest way to conduct yourself in each situation you confront. We are not separate. We are together. Worries of major proportion would only be problematic for you if you were being asked to assure a holy outcome alone or if you were being asked to travel through the period without Me. I promise you that I will be with you and that the outcomes occurring around you will be consistent with My will. I cannot promise you that in your humanity you will always rejoice in My will, especially when there is pain. But I can promise you that the greatest amount of mercy will be obtained through your commitment to remaining with Me, united in the life that is yours. All is well. I am with you. I will be generous to My beloved apostles in this holy time of Advent. Be acutely aware of My presence. When you look at all around you, look with My eyes. This will give you the understanding that will insure peace for you. All is well. The infant returns through your heart, as the King."

Praying the Rosary isn't just for Catholics, it's for anyone wanting to reflect on the life of Christ. I am so thankful to Anne and the DFOT mission for encouraging lay apostles to pray the Rosary in addition to our usual prayers. I, for one, never prayed the Rosary until I became a lay apostle. I can't imagine life without it now.

Thank you, Lord, for the abounding graces in praying the Rosary. It has enriched my life and given me strength despite my wandering mind. I am so happy you have unlimited patience!

God bless,

Bonnie

Weeds

Weeds. No matter how often I pluck them out of the planters on my back porch, they seem to creep back relentlessly. I have come to the conclusion weeds are just a part of having outdoor plants and I will always have to pull the little suckers out!

Praying this morning, I began to think about those weeds and how they represent all the difficulties which spring up in our daily lives despite our best effort to suppress or eradicate them. We know, as Christians, there will be suffering. It's inevitable. In the March 1, 2007 Monthly Message, Jesus has this to say about the weeds:

“Your holiness blossoms under the prudent and watchful care of the Divine Gardner. You may wish to advance more quickly. You may sigh at the labours necessary for advancing in holiness. I understand both of these things but I tell you today that you should not be discouraged. It is I, Jesus, after all, who contemplates your soul and determines the speed with which you need to progress to arrive at the perfect place at the correct time. If you were to move too quickly, you might miss this mark. If you were to stop labouring, you would not advance as far as I require. Be at peace in the place where you are spiritually and understand that I am ministering to you constantly there. Be also at peace that you must labour for holiness, moving constantly forward in virtue. I am with you. I take your willingness to serve and your willingness to become holier and truly I flow great things into your soul and into the world. I ask that each apostle find quiet during this time, allowing silence to prune the weeds that spring up in each day’s activity. We work together on your soul, as I have said, and I, Jesus, expect that there is work to be done. If I did not expect that your soul needed work, I would say that you had advanced far enough and I would take you to heaven.”

Let's all practice pruning our weeds in silence as Jesus suggests. For those who know me, silence is a virtue I am working steadily on and hope to achieve one day!

Thank you, Lord, for allowing the weeds to help me move forward in holiness. I will continue to work on my soul in expectation of the day no more work is needed and I am called home!

God bless,

Bonnie

Shining the light within

A few years ago, one of my daughters gave her sisters and me a keychain saying, "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." Whether you like it or not, there are people looking for any sign to prove you are not what you say you are . . . that is, a Christian. There was only one perfect Man who walked the face of this earth, and He died for our sins. But the fact still remains, we are under constant scrutiny by our peers. I am in no way, shape or form, even close to perfect, but I am aware others are observing my behavior. How I react to a situation can either shine the light of Jesus within my heart drawing others closer to Christ, or I can react defensively and prideful, sending them in the opposite direction.

In Volume One, Thoughts on Spirituality, Jesus tell us:

“Be an example of peace to your brothers and sisters so that they, too, may desire union with Me. That is the challenge to My followers. If you have a peaceful countenance, you reflect Me, your Savior. Others see this and desire it. ‘What is it about that person?’ they ask. If you are a follower, your holiness will shine from within you and that is what they will identify. Be at peace. Fear is not from Me and does not draw you closer to Me. You must strive for confidence in your God. I will be with you, even until the end of time. Your sufferings will console you greatly later, when you join Me. You will never be sorry you suffered for your Jesus. I am bringing you along and soon you will no longer feel the weight of this cross.”

From today forward, let's try to be aware of how others perceive us in any given situation. Are we shining His Light from within or pushing them farther away from the One who loves unconditionally? There are going to be days where the temptation to react negatively overpowers us. On those days, remember you are not perfect. And, remember you can remedy your negative behavior and still bring His Light to others . . . apologize.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me the importance of apologizing when I have reacted defensively because of my own insecurities.

God bless,

Bonnie

Conversion

Today's scripture speaks of Paul's dramatic conversion. He went from one of the biggest hater's of Christians to one of the biggest evangelizers of Christ! One thing we know and count on as lay apostles is Jesus' promise of conversion of our loved ones. There is nothing we want more than a quick turnaround! We want everyone to know Jesus like we do through the Volumes, right? One thing I have learned as a lay apostle is God's timing, not mine. We are each on our own journey, and no two journeys are alike. Only God knows when the "aha" moment will occur in each soul. In Lessons in Love, Anne a lay apostle has this to say about conversions:

"Now it must be said that one of the greatest graces Jesus allows is sudden conversion. These St. Paul-like experiences must be the delight of the saints in heaven. I believe Jesus does this when He needs service from the person NOW. He perhaps has tried to shift the soul gently but the soul is stubborn in his resisting the plan of our beautiful Jesus. This, my friends, I believe to be the most loving of actions. A soul bounced from his horse, metaphorically speaking, surely can have no doubt that his service is of urgent importance to the Kingdom and his resistance is doing damage to the Kingdom. Clearly, the humble soul rests in the latter thought. Even in situations like this, there is evidence of the Lord’s gentleness. Jesus surrounds the soul with grace, sending in help from both heavenly and earthly sources. The soul is guided very carefully afterwards into the service intended for him. I think that a soul experiencing the Lord’s correction abruptly will sometimes not feel that it happened gently in terms of the impact it has on his life. Here is why. When someone turns on the lights suddenly and a person sees the error or falseness in which he has been living, that person might be tempted to run for cover. My friends, this feeling of being exposed is inevitable. 2Everything that is now covered will be uncovered, and everything now hidden will be made clear. 3 For this reason, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in hidden places will be proclaimed on the housetops (Luke 12)."

Are you afraid to have the lights turned on abruptly? I used to be. I have made so many mistakes in my life, it's painful when they are revealed. But, like a bandaid being ripped off a wound, it only hurts for a few seconds. Once we accept we are only human and admit to our mistakes, it creates within us the desire to do better. To love more; to accept weakness in others and ourselves; and, make better decisions. Decisions for Christ, not for the world.

Thank you, Lord, for continually ripping the bandaids off of me. Please continue providing the graces I need to deal with the initial sting until all is revealed.

God bless,

Bonnie

March for Life

Abortion. A word shuffled to the deepest recesses of my brain for so many years. A word which causes great pain and suffering for women choosing the easy way out; sometimes, it seems, the only way out. Prior to my book Heavenly Healing being published, I needed to sit down with each of my daughters to tell them about a painful part of my past. A past mentioned in my book. Instead of being horrified, each reacted with such heartfelt love for me and sorrow for a difficult period in my life. I knew my family would forgive my mistake, but could Jesus? In Heaven Speaks About Abortion, the Blessed Mother has this to say:

“My dear little daughter, how I love you and wait to hold you in my arms. I watch you so carefully, alert to any opportunity to bring you to Jesus. I have seen every pain that you have suffered. I have witnessed each bitter tear. You will be fine, now, if you let us heal you. I want to take you by your hand and bring you to my Son. I will tell Him that I am proud of you because you are courageous in admitting your mistakes and asking for forgiveness. Can you imagine the smile Jesus will have for you? He is so beautiful and His eyes will fill with love for you. You see, Jesus does not care what you have done. He does not sit and think constantly about your mistakes. He thinks constantly about your heart and its brokenness. He thinks constantly about His need to have you safe in the family of Christ. He considers all of the good that you are capable of bringing to other souls. Jesus needs you. I, your heavenly mother, need you. Will you help us? Come to your mother now and rest your head against me. You do not see me but I promise you that I am with you. I will never leave you. I have brought many women back to Jesus and they give Him the greatest love and fidelity. That is how I can see you, my daughter. I see you as a loyal, loving servant of Jesus, Who desires to place constant healing graces into your soul.”

Admitting mistakes, especially abortion, pierces my heart. But, I know I am forgiven. Jesus loves us and can use our repented mistakes to help others. Two of my daughters are pregnant now, and I am so thankful I raised them the way I did. They cherish the life growing inside of them. My grandchildren.

Thank you, Lord, for healing my heart. As difficult as it is to talk about one of the biggest mistakes I made in my life, I pray admitting it will help others realize You are waiting to shower them with your healing graces.

God bless,

Bonnie

Give me strength, Lord . . . literally!

It has been a long day. I am on my way to Chicago for the weekend to spend time with Anne, Fr. Darragh and a group of evangelizing lay apostles! Everyone is so excited to spend this weekend together, and as expected, the evil one isn't too pleased about it. All flights into Chicago have been cancelled so far today due to weather. But we lay apostles always persevere! Despite exhaustion, I will do what it takes, even if it means I have to sleep overnight in the airport here in Atlanta! I know He will make everything work out the way it is supposed to be.

I found the encouragement I needed today in the following excerpt of the April 2008 Monthly Message from Jesus:

"Rest assured that you have been given all that you need in strength and courage for each day’s service. There is no difficulty, from heaven’s perspective, in an apostle serving in weariness. Most apostles served in weariness and the weariness that an apostle feels does not mean that the fire of the Spirit is at risk of being extinguished. Have no fear about this because I Myself tend to the presence of the Spirit in your soul. This fire has been expertly banked so that it will burn for as long as it needs to burn. Some day you will be finished with your service on earth. The tasks that I need from you will be completed. This will be a joyful day for you. You will see all that you have accomplished for Me. Yes, weariness comes and goes, but love creates stamina that keeps the servant and the service steady."

Thank you, Lord, for kindling the fire burning in me. I may slow down a bit, but my soul is ignited with Your Love, pushing me past the physical limitations of my aging body!

God bless,

Bonnie

Uncovering your truth

I have made some pretty poor decisions in my life. Things I pushed away into a small compartment in my brain, never to be thought of again. But Jesus has a way of bringing these truths out into the open. Admitting to yourself that you did those things is hard enough. But what about admitting it to others? No way, right? Too much pain and suffering for me to deal with on top of all I struggle with now. Does that sound familiar? We convince ourselves the past is the past. But some hint of pain lingers in the back of our minds, nagging at us to admit our truths.

This morning I was reading from Anne a lay apostle's new book, Whispers from the Cross. I came upon the chapter called The Stripping. As Christians, we need to be ready to face our truths:

"Into the life of every follower of Christ will come an experience of stripping, when, through betrayal, humiliation, sorrow, suffering, loss, illness, or failure with consequences, we are forced to confront our selves.

. . . In this stripping we are laid bare in a way that compels us to observe ourselves in truth. This can be traumatic but this experience also can be a powerful vehicle for advancement and growth, spiritually, mentally and psychologically. Only through examination of our true self will we find ourselves able to identify in us what is good, what is the product of our wounds and where we need healing.

There we find Christ, patiently waiting, hoping and alert.

While possibly experiencing searing pain, the one searching for his or her personal truth will come closer and closer to union with Christ. We cannot take all of the truth at once, one suspects, so in His mercy, God may allow a series of these stripping experiences suited to our strength in the areas mentioned."

Thank you, Lord, for stripping away the false me and uncovering my truths. As painful as it can be, once it's done and my truth remains for all to see, I will finally be free.

God bless,

Bonnie

A time to be brave

I DO NOT like surprises. Period. From an early age, I developed a coping mechanism that has withstood the test of time. When contemplating relationships, ventures, physical ailments, or life decisions, I ALWAYS look at the worst case scenario and best case scenario before making a move. If I prepare for the worst, there will be no surprises, just some sadness or disappointment. I can handle that. Surprises do sneak in once in a while, though. Some like a punch in the gut; others are sheer heaven. Anticipating a negative outcome draws me closer to Jesus. No matter how devastating the news, He will be ready with open arms to console . . . if you let Him.

In the Monthly Message on July 2008, Jesus tells us:

"It is always the best decision to rely on the One who loves you perfectly and holds, in His heart, the perfect plan for your time on earth. Why would you let fear diminish your joy? Why would you let anxiety for yourself or others eradicate the joy that is available to you in the present moment? My dearest apostles, you live in the present, not the future. If the present is difficult, I am there. If the future becomes difficult, I will be there, too. You will not be abandoned and your loved ones will not be abandoned. Ultimately, the greater the trust in Me, the greater the joy in each moment. I want you to abandon fear. I want you to cast yourself into the providence that surrounds you. Fear is a snare for you or I would not treat it so seriously. Ask Me now for greater trust and I will give it to you. Ask Me now for greater joy and I will give that to you, also. It is important that others see in you an accurate reflection of the graces heaven makes available to apostles. Do not hide these graces away. Let these graces flow out from you to those around you. Share what is good, dear apostles, not what is bad. Share what comes from Me and you will help to draw others back into our family. I am telling you that I have greater graces available to you so make your Jesus happy and ask for these graces. You will be blessed with all that you need and joy will be yours. Be at peace. I will never abandon you."

Today my blog entry was written for a very dear friend who just received a cancer diagnosis. He is a brave man and I know the Lord is holding him lovingly in His arms right now, consoling any worries. I love you and promise to be just a phone call away, always!

Thank you, Lord, for placing this man in my life. I have learned so much from him, allowing me to draw closer to You.

God bless,

Bonnie

Clinging to the past

The A & E channel broadcasts a show called Hoarders. As disturbing as it is, I am intrigued with every episode. There seems to be a recurring theme . . . people unable to let go of the past. Clinging to objects destroyed by rat infested basements; cockroaches lining the walls within inches of a make-shift bed among the clutter. I can barely watch sometimes. But, it's something in their eyes, every one of them, that draws me in. Something very familiar. Speaking with my sister this morning, we were discussing the difficulties we had with our mother growing up. It all seems so distant, and yet she passed away only 5 years ago. After we hung up, I started thinking about Mother's hoarding tendencies. And I made the connection . . . the eyes of the hoarders are my mother's eyes. The harder we tried to help her let go of the past, the stronger her grip on the fantasy life she created in her head. She was a feisty one who, even if she was wrong, would argue with you that she was right despite evidence showing otherwise. As infuriating as it was at the time, I have to smile because I know where I get it from . . .

So, can we really ever let go of the past avoiding useless anxiety? Yes! With Christ, all things are possible! Jesus tells us in Volume One:

"Dear lost one, I have heard the groaning of your soul and I am responding to your pain. The evil one makes war on the souls of My children and attempts to take them away. But the enemy offers you nothing. Only emptiness. You see that now, little soul, so return to Me. I offer you all that is beautiful, noble, and eternal. You will NEVER regret that you came back to Me. Are you listening? Are you allowing your poor troubled heart to answer Me? I am healing you. I wish to heal you even further; until your soul is as pure as necessary to enter into My kingdom. Dear child, do you want to spend eternity with happiness, with joy in the goodness of others? I do not refer to the hypocritical goodness of some of your earthly companions. That false goodness has disappointed you in the past and is the source of some of your bitterness. Fear not. The light will shine upon that goodness and expose it for evil."

Thank you, Lord, for healing me. I know this is a continual process, but with You, I am learning to let go of the past and focus on the present.

God bless,

Bonnie

Changing learned behavior

As children, our environment affects how we learn, live, and love. When that environment is dysfunctional, certain coping mechanisms develop. Disappointment, hurt, and feelings of abandonment can control our need to feel loved and wanted as teens, potentially continuing into adulthood. How do we act to make people need and love us? Rage, power and control, to name a few. This bad behavior according to my daughter, a behavior analyst, is called "junk behavior." If we make a big enough fuss, those around us will cave in and do what we want. But, giving in to junk behavior allows the person throwing the temper tantrum to believe they are justified in their actions with no consequences. And so history repeats itself generation after generation.

Why do we feel the need to act out to get attention or tolerate junk behavior from others? Fear. Fear no one will love us or need us, so any attention, good or bad, temporarily satisfies. Some of us grow up in households with a demanding parent, teaching us to love despite the bad behavior. Some of us have complete control over our parents, being catered to at the slightest hint of dissatisfaction. Let's stop bad behavior from repeating. The Blessed Mother has this to say about fear in Volume Three:

"This fear is the result of the lack of faith that has settled upon this world. Faithful souls need to be told that fear is not going to help the situation and fear will make people respond in panic. What is necessary is calm, a trust that can only be achieved through a daily prayer regimen."

And, this from St. Gertrude in Volume Seven:

"When I felt fear I began to praise God. In this way I turned the fear into a prayer and trained myself to allow Jesus to eradicate my fears. He always did."

If we completely abandon ourselves to Christ, fear dissipates. Yes, we may fail at times in love and business. People will be disappointed in us. People will abandon us. People will even hate us. And that is OK. If we have the right intentions and work for the glory of God in everything we do, we cannot fail in His Eyes.

Thank you, Lord, for all the work You are doing to eradicate my fears. Forgive my missteps along the way (lots of forgiveness needed!) and continue to guide me up the mountain of holiness.

God bless,

Bonnie