Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Spring cleaning

It's about that time of year again . . . dusting off the blinds which probably haven't been dusted in years.  Despite the fact I see the dust every day when I open the blinds, I still put off this tedious chore for another day.  It builds and builds until I can't ignore it any more.  And my windows are a whole other story!  I have so many of them! Looking through smudged glass eventually clouds my view of the beauty in my own backyard. Guess what I'll be doing this weekend!

Lent is a time for spring cleaning our souls.  We are all sinners.  But our God has great mercy and love for all His children.  In today's Responsorial Psalm (Ps 51:12-13) we say, "A heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn."  Lines 12-13 say, “A clean heart create for me, God; renew within me a steadfast spirit.  Do not drive me from before your face, nor take from me your holy spirit.” So, God can be a big softy when it comes to His children asking for forgiveness and repenting from their sins.  He only wants what is best for us as any father would want for his children.  As much as we may resist, His unconditional love will eventually lead us back to Him.


In Volume Two, Jesus speaks of "spring cleaning" our souls:


“I have come to cleanse souls. Much as a mother cleans her house, My child, I am cleaning and organizing your soul. If you have been away from Me, We must be busy. Events in your life, from your past, must be looked at now in a different way. This is an important task, and that is why I am spending time on it with you. Events can leave marks on your heart when you are not praying. Hence, My goal. To clean these marks and leave a heart that gives and receives love freely. When you pray, My child, I help you to sift through the experiences occurring in your life.”


I have a lot of cleaning to do.  I am so very thankful Jesus is lending me a hand!


Thank you, Lord, for guiding me in the cleansing of my soul.  Please help me get rid of every little speck of dirt so when I see You face to face, my soul is clean.


God bless,
Bonnie

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Needless baggage

We all carry it.  Needless baggage . . . transgressions from our past to which we cling. Whether we've misbehaved or on the receiving end of some injustice, we hang on to the hurt without giving or receiving forgiveness.  In the Gospel today (Mt 6:7-15), Jesus teaches His disciples (and us) a valuable lesson on the importance of letting go of the baggage:

"If you forgive men their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions."

Pretty powerful words but very hard to do, right?  Things happen.  People screw up. Mistakes are made.  We are only human.  But, we can heed the words of Jesus above by seeing with His eyes, not our worldly eyes.

In Anne a lay apostle's book, Climbing the Mountain, she characterizes how the enemy obstructs our view:

“Compare the difference between working with Christ and working with the enemy. The enemy will tell us that it is not fair that we should have to clean our kitchens. He will sow seeds of discontent and bitterness. He will remind us of past hurts and try to reopen wounds that should be long healed. The enemy will show us the flaws in our lives and if we turn on the television, the enemy will show us how other souls are vacationing in small bathing suits, while we are covering stretch marks and sweeping floors again. The enemy will complain about our little ones and our husbands or wives, if we are lucky enough to live in an intact sacramental union that is not abusive. The devil will say that the families we serve do not appreciate us and on any given day this may be true. But we are walking with Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ appreciates us. It is important to walk with Christ in our day if only to reject the enemy. Jesus sees our courage as we accept the cross that is ours and carry it with Him. He sends additional courage when necessary and lets us cry with Him when we need to cry. He has all the time in the world and He cares for each one of us as though we were His only friend. He puts love in our hearts and courage in our souls. Love of Jesus puts us in His presence in everything and we live differently in His presence.”

Today, let's look at those around us, especially our loved ones, with the eyes of Christ. Pray for them. And, know Jesus will give us strength and courage to let go of needless baggage. We may only be able to let go one piece at a time, but if our eyes are on Jesus, we are headed in the right direction!

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me how to discard the habit of holding grudges.  With You, anything is possible!

God bless,
Bonnie

Monday, February 27, 2012

Refresh my soul, O Lord!

Have you ever been given news that throws you for a loop?  A complete surprise?  How we take the news is in our control.  We can either obsess with what this means for the future, causing panic, or, we can take it calmly knowing He is in charge of it all.  As strong as I like to think I am, I am human.  I can appear calm on the outside, but on the inside I'm a little sad, even scared sometimes.  Luckily, Jesus swoops in when I go there and reminds me He is by my side.  He will not let me go through anything alone.  I feel His love when I see my two pregnant daughters excited about the new life growing within; my youngest daughter sitting next to me in Mass safe and healthy; and in new babies He has brought into this world.  Keep the focus off of yourself, and everything becomes a breath of fresh air.

In Volume One, the Blessed Mother gives us a way to refresh our souls:

“Little child, heed His words. He speaks with such love and wisdom. You will not find this wisdom on the earth or from an earthly source. You will not find happiness on the earth or from an earthly source. Do you want to be happy? Are you tired of being sad, discouraged, and joyless? Come back to us now, in obedience, and we will minister to your fatigue and sadness. We will refresh you and after we have refreshed you and healed you, we will set about saving the world. You will not be alone any longer, little soul. We have complete forgiveness for you. Together we will step away, as we leave your past sins and failures behind. Take my hand little child of my heart, and your mother will lead you to every spiritual success. Truly, you will not even believe how we intend to change your life.”

Thank you, Lord, for calming me when I start to "go there."  And, for reminding me of the beauty you grace Your world with on a daily basis.

God bless,
Bonnie


Friday, February 24, 2012

Fasting for a humble self

Fasting requires great discipline.  Our minds tell us we are hungry.  Our bellies growl. Constant reminders we are denying ourselves.  It's really mind over matter.  Our minds are much more powerful than our bodies.  All we need is a little self-control, right?  But fasting isn't only about reducing the amount of food we eat.  There are many other forms of fasting we can choose when reducing our daily intake isn't possible (pregnant or nursing mothers, the sick, the frail, etc.).  For example, fasting from: judging others, worry, anger, bitterness, depressive thoughts, negativity, and self-concern, to name a few.  I'm sure I've left many other opportunities for fasting out.  Can you think of something you can fast from other than/or in addition to food? 


In Volume Seven, St. Philomena gives us a unique perspective on how to view fasting: 

“Do not fear bodily hardships because these things are fleeting. Be in the habit of denying your body a little every day. Again, this is practice. When you deny yourself, perhaps in fasting, you have not said, “I will never eat again.” You have said, “I will not eat for now. I will eat later.” It is the same. If you are in a position where your body is being denied something, simply tell yourself that you are being denied at the moment but not forever." 


Our enchantment with the world around us leaves very little time for growing closer to our Savior.  Today, let's find time to sit in solitude, even if only a few minutes, to focus on Jesus and how our fasting can create a humble self.  Humility, after all, is how Christ endured and resurfaced victorious from the forty days of isolation.  He was not proud or arrogant.  He was modest and courageous.  Perfection.


Thank you, Lord, for allowing Your beautiful saints to impart words of wisdom which guide and direct my daily walk with You.


God bless,
Bonnie








Thursday, February 23, 2012

Transforming lives

Lay apostles never cease to amaze me.  People involved with this apostolate are moving mountains and transforming lives.  This morning I received an email from my dear sweet friend Crystal at DFOT.  She forwarded me an email from a lay apostle in India, Sunny George.  Sunny introduced the lay apostolate in Manipur, North East India last October to over 2,000 students at Don Bosco College.  Sunny gained firsthand experience of the enemy's spiritual warfare on this trip.  Plagued with acute headaches during his stay, nothing was going to stop him in spreading the messages from heaven.  The headaches subsided when he left Manipur.  This weekend, Sunny will be presenting the lay apostolate to a group of students in Kuttikanam.  Here is his email requesting prayers for this retreat:


"I am so glad to let you know that a weekend event (retreat) has been scheduled for the college students. The program will begin on this coming Friday (24) and will end on Sunday afternoon. The venue is Spirituality Center, Kuttikanam, a two-hour drive from my home. Around 80 students are expected to attend. We have planned to use the messages in the Volumes, especially Two and Six, along with Young Adults booklets for reflection and study. There are much to do in the next couple of days. We need more prayers. I am counting on you and the prayer Warriors in the Apostolate!"

Thank you, Sunny, for your faith and enthusiasm in spreading the messages from heaven!  Prayer warriors, please pray for the success of this retreat (and Sunny's health!).

In the Gospel today Jesus tells His disciples of the great suffering and rejection He is facing in the coming days.  I can imagine the confusion and panic the disciples must have felt hearing Jesus speak these incomprehensible words.  Then Jesus adds that in order to follow Him, they must deny themselves and take up their crosses on a daily basis.  They loved Jesus, so of course they endured any obstacles in their way to follow Him.

In the November 2007 Monthly Message, Jesus comforts by saying:

"My beloved apostle, I understand your struggles. You are becoming holier and yet you do not think you are making progress. Dear one, can you accept that the holier you become, the more holiness you crave? Can you accept that the more you become aware of your own flaws, the more willing you are to accept flaws in others? I am at peace that you are coming to know Me better. Each day brings growth of some kind for you, even if that growth originates in mistakes acknowledged and corrected. I understand you, dear apostle. I know that on some days you are ready for the battle of holiness and that on some days you feel you are not strong enough for the battle. This is what I want to tell you. You rise each day and pledge your allegiance to the Father. This commitment of your day insures that your Father takes you each day in the condition He finds you. Each weakness is used to increase your humility and illuminate for you the path to transformation. Do not become discouraged by the need for improvement. If you but continue on the path you have embarked upon, you will experience greater holiness. It can be no other way because those who pledge allegiance to the Father are cared for in every detail. Our greatest goal for you is holiness because only in holiness will you find peace and joy."

Did you pick up the cross of loneliness today and feel comforted knowing Jesus was by your side?  What about the cross of physical pain?  Did you offer up your suffering for the suffering Jesus endured?  And what about the cross of past mistakes?  Did you let go of them today finding refuge in our Saviors forgiving arms?  Remember, in order to follow Him, we must accept our suffering with the knowledge Jesus is right by our side, in our hearts and ready to comfort us.  All we have to do is pray.  He is waiting for you.

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me to strap on my cross every morning, knowing You are helping me carry the load. 

God bless,
Bonnie



Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Ash Wednesday - it's time for change

Our Lenten observance begins today with Ash Wednesday, a day of fasting and prayer for Catholics.  Chatting with one of my daughters last night, she asked what I was giving up for Lent.  Typically my answer is chocolate or coffee along with some virtue I need to work on.  But Lent isn't about giving up something for 40 days and then running to the store after Easter Mass to gobble up every bit of chocolate you can get your hands on.  It's about changing our hearts by growing closer to Jesus.  The 40 days of Lent help us focus on personal discipline in general.  Don't focus on what to give up.  Let's do the reverse!  What can we do better?  Pray more?  Adopt a healthier lifestyle?  More almsgiving?  Volunteering for those in need?  The sky is the limit!  Slow down and take a look around you.  Let's think positively by bettering ourselves, creating permanent changes in our hearts. What am I choosing to do this Lent?  First, I want to work on solitude.  I am giving up mindless TV watching and choosing to read more, pray more, and write more.  Second, I am going to try my hardest to fast on Wednesdays and Fridays.  Fasting is NOT easy for me, but I am determined.  Please pray for me!

In the November 2005 Monthly Message from Jesus, He shows us that by making even a small change, we can move mountains:

“But when a soul on earth, acting from faith, makes even the smallest act of love or fidelity to Me, I am given great glory and the family of God is given power. Yes, each time a soul on earth steps out for God in any way, the Kingdom grows. Do not put a limit on the importance of each little act and each little prayer. If you rose each day and pledged your allegiance to heaven with an honest desire to serve, and then went out and committed sins all day, you would still be considered a friend to the Savior. Now I know you will not do this because when you pledge your allegiance to Me, you are then wrapped in great graces. These graces assist you in each moment and illuminate My will for you so that you can more easily make heavenly decisions. But I am making a point so that you will understand that if you try to please Me in even the smallest way, you will change the world.”

My dear fellow lay apostles, each and every one of you are in my prayers.  Let's work on small changes, not complete personal reinvention in 40 days.  Keep it simple.  Let's make Jesus and all of heaven smile as they watch us attempt to change our hearts for Him.  

Thank you, Lord, for making change easier for me.  Knowing my small acts please you, I promise to continue climbing the mountain.

God bless,
Bonnie

Monday, February 20, 2012

The power of tempation

Temptation.  Such an ugly word. As we approach Lent we reflect on how Jesus was tempted in the desert.  None of us are immune to evil's seduction.  Temptation may present itself when we are at our weakest.  And our weakest can be when our lives are right on track.  We become complacent thinking we have it all under control.  Before long, temptation creeps in, upsetting our version of normal.  The grass begins to look a little greener on the other side. Whether it be in our careers, marriages, or families, temptation can create a desire so strong it can lure us away from what is right.  The fight between good and evil has been around since Adam and Eve.  Eve knew it was against God's direction to pick the apple from the tree.  Yet, evil convinced her otherwise. We are no different than Adam and Eve.  But, due to modern technology, temptations have become more accessible in the privacy of our own home.  Good 'ol free will.

With free will comes choices.  There is a great line in the movie Little Black Book, "Omission is betrayal."  If you feel like you have to lie or hide something, think twice about it before you make a mistake with irrevocable consequences.  Society is so fixated on making ourselves "feel" better despite outcomes.  Addictions, affairs (emotional and physical) and other poor choices we make only satisfy our perceived needs temporarily.  Our "truth" is whatever makes us feel better.  Fellow lay apostles, we must always follow God's truth, not our own.

In Anne a lay apostle's book The Mist of Mercy, she beautifully illustrates where temptation comes from:

"But many of God’s children have wandered further and further away from truth and the enemy is making fools of them. We must accept that God’s enemy wants only our destruction. The enemy of God has an agenda for us that includes unhappiness and eternal despair. The enemy sends temptation. When a person falls prey to a temptation and commits a sin or even merely an action that pulls the soul from goodness, the enemy exults. The enemy mocks humanity and works tirelessly to sow seeds of restlessness and anger, frustration and bitterness. All people should understand that just as God loves, the devil hates."


Today, let's choose God's truth.  If you are in the middle of something you know could be detrimental to a loved one, stop.  Stop and do the right thing.  It's not always easy, but when you choose good over evil, He will provide the graces needed to get you through.


Thank you, Lord, for helping me to choose Your truth. Evil can hit me with it's best shot, because I have no fear with You in my corner!


God bless,
Bonnie

Friday, February 17, 2012

Stepping Up To The Plate

As mentioned in an earlier blog post, I saw Matthew Kelly speak recently.  Not only was he an incredible speaker, but I am discovering he is also an incredible writer.  In the first few pages of Rediscover Catholicism, he captured me with his profound storytelling finesse.  It is time for Catholics to return to their roots . . . and it starts with you and me.  

My youngest daughter and I visited Italy for a mother-daughter trip last year.  Rome the first two days, then Florence for the remainder of our stay.  As we toured these beautiful cities, there is one thing which stands out:  beautiful Catholic cathedrals EVERYWHERE.  Some which have stood the test of time for centuries.  My mother was Italian, so truly we walked where my ancestors most likely did.  I observed her childlike expressions as we entered each cathedral.  Breathtaking.  She is a photographer, so the beauty surrounding us was a photographer's dream.  As a college student with everything but attending Mass on her mind, I took the opportunity to show her how prominent our faith is in Europe. It is such a visual to realize Catholicism's influence on the world.  As much as Catholicism has contributed (and still does) since the death of our Lord, why are so many backing away from our beautiful faith?  Yes, there are scandals and the media is quick to point it out if it involves Catholics.  But, come on, fellow Christians, there is scandal everywhere - in every faith, every profession, basically, every walk of life. In the Lay Apostolate of Jesus Christ the Returning King, Jesus has declared our times as the Age of Disobedience.  In Volume Two, He speaks to His children about coming home:

“Children, I want to speak with you about obedience. I, as your God, am obedient to you. I protect you when I am asked. I render assistance when I am prevailed upon. I created a beautiful world for you to learn about love so you might earn your heaven. I, your God, am doing My part. I am asking you now to do your part. I speak only from concern, My children. Your world, distorted as it is, seeks to confuse you and make you think that obedience is a negative thing that weakens you. I assure you, My child, I am all-powerful. I am Jesus Christ and if you look at My time in your world, you will see that I was obedient to all whose obedience had call upon Me. I was obedient to God. I was obedient to the laws of that time set forth by the governing rulers. I was obedient to the religious authorities. I was also obedient to My parents. If you study My life you will see a life of holy obedience and meekness. And yet, a man with more power never walked the face of your earth. There is great strength in obedience, and I want to show that to you. Come to Me in the Sacrament of the Eucharist and I will teach you about obedience, revealing its beauty and the strength that lies with this misunderstood virtue. What am I asking of you, you might wonder. I am asking you to obey your Church, first of all. My Church has suffered in this time. Many children have taken this passion time of the Church as a license to be disobedient. Children, this must cease. You are called on to be obedient to your Church and in this way you are obedient to Me. I do not seek your destruction, My child. I seek your salvation. That is why I have given you this Church with all of its wisdom. Many souls say that the world has changed and because of this, the Church must change. Well, I assure you today, I have not changed. Heaven has not changed. You will discover this first-hand one day. The changes have occurred in your world and I am coming to you today through this prophet to tell you that the changes are destroying mankind. Change is not always bad, of course, but your world has deteriorated to an Age of Disobedience and too many souls are being lost. I am intervening in a significant way now to reset the course and direction for you. Heed My words this day. I come to you in love, My children. I bring you unlimited graces. Do not be afraid to change your life, even though it means admitting you have made mistakes. A wise man does not fear mistakes because he knows they are inevitable. Indeed, it is through these mistakes and through the study of past mistakes that we learn for the future. And it is the future I am concerned about. I want your future to be glorious. I want only good things for you. I have the graces necessary to insure that you succeed spiritually. You need not fear that you are not holy enough to follow Me. My child, I know all. I call you because your destiny lies with Me. I am your God and I call you by name into My heavenly service. Do not disappoint Me. Begin by the smallest acts of obedience to your Church and I will lead you to the heights of holiness for which I created you. Fear nothing. Sit with Me in silence and I promise to direct you. You need only come to Me and the changes will begin. How you will welcome these changes. Your world does not offer peace. Peace comes only from Me. Make haste to return to Me for My graces are waiting.”

Today, click on one of the links to the right of this blog.  Read one of the Heaven Speaks booklets (free to download).  Click on the link to download the Volumes for free.  I promise, they will change your life.  To quote Matthew Kelly in his book  Rediscover Catholicism (page 261), "The goal of spiritual reading is to ignite the soul with a desire to grow in virtue and thus become the-best-version-of-oneself."

Thank you, Lord, for inspiring me to dig deeper into my Catholic faith.  Please give me the graces needed to continue on my journey to becoming a better version of myself.  Sorry it has taken me so long to get here.

God bless,
Bonnie

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Banishing self-interest

I am a mother, first and foremost.  My daughters are the most precious gifts the Lord has ever bestowed upon me.  The minute each of them was born, my heart, well, to quote from a famous animated movie (Grinch Who Stole Christmas), "grew three sizes that day..."  My selfish desires became like a grain of sand on a vast beach.  There, but so insignificant compared to children requiring all the love and protection deserved while here on this earth. But my own self-interest would rear its ugly head once in a while (and still does!).  I wanted what I wanted despite potential consequences.  And the consequences almost always affected those whom I love the most.  Do you see the problem here?  Pursuing our own desires and not those of Jesus will eventually lead us astray.  Away from Him.  Yes, God has given us free-will.  But, choosing our own will over the Father's will can be detrimental to ourselves and those we love.  In Anne a lay apostle's latest book, Whispers From the Cross, Jesus has this to say about self-interest:

"Dear apostles, so often I have counseled you to see yourself as small so that I can be seen as God in all of My power.  I repeat this plea today.  I know that My apostles love Me.  I know that you wish to serve Me and I see your great efforts toward the work I have entrusted to you.  And yet, many of you continue to take the assignments I have given to you and impose your will on them.  Do not be confused. I see that you are serving Me and trying to do My will.  What I am asking you now is that you give greater consideration to completing your work for Me, My way, not your way.  My way is different than your way.  My way is to advance into each day's work in complete humility and complete willingness.  I was a victim to the Father's work. I ask that you, too, be prepared to be a victim to the Father's work.  Only in this way will we, together, be able to draw people back to love and then from there to service.  Beloved ones, you will be disappointed if you look back and see a lifetime of service to Me done with the spirit of selfish humanity.  You will be so sad and so remorseful.  Will you be welcome in My kingdom?  Of course you will be welcome home.  But you will feel much more joy upon your arrival if you rebuked your temptations to be seen as important and powerful and, instead, embraced My Spirit of humility and selflessness in your service."

Today, let's all work on banishing our self-interest and focusing on what we can do to bring others closer to Christ.  If, for example, you are about to become a new parent, move toward loving and caring for your spouse and new arrival.  Not on how you will miss happy hour with your friends after work.  In the end, what is more important?  Serving your loved ones or having a good time?  Believe me, serving is much more rewarding.

Thank you, Lord, for leading me despite my own self-interest.  I wouldn't have the close relationship with my girls if it wasn't for You giving me the strength to be a good parent.

God bless,
Bonnie

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

I am a huge Kelly Clarkson fan.  No matter what your state of mind, good or bad, she has a song to compassionately console you, get you pumped up, or even make you cry.  My daughters and I call it a Kelly Clarkson Day when all we want to hear is her belting out our emotions.  It just feels good.


The past 5 days have been rough since my daughter's car accident.  Dealing with surgeons, insurance, my daughter's school, lawyers, etc., just about sent me over the edge.  I certainly don't have the stamina I did in my earlier years.  After all the chaos was over and my daughter snug in her bed after surgery, it was time for me to head back home, a 2 hour drive.  It was a Kelly Clarkson Day.  So I plugged her in and the first song in the shuffle was, "What Doesn't Kill You (makes you stronger)."  Perfect song to pump me up.  But where does our strength really come from?  Not a song, of course, but faith in Jesus.  When our crosses become too heavy, all we need to do is ask Him to lighten them or shift the weight elsewhere.  In Volume Ten, Jesus relieves any pressure we may feel:


“Your fears, your hesitance, have no bearing on how you will perform for Me. Do not worry about your ability when it comes to completing your duty. Do not worry about your lack of strength. It will come from Me. It will flow deeply and completely from Me. Your willingness to serve is all that is required.”

After listening to that song, I immediately switched over to the Rosary, my real strength.  The chaos didn't kill me, and Jesus made me stronger.


Thank you, Lord, for helping me with some heavy crosses at times.  I could not survive without You.  

God bless,
Bonnie

Monday, February 13, 2012

Waiting . . .

As I sit in the waiting room while my baby girl is in surgery, all I can pray is Jesus protect my girl and bring her back to me.  My heart hurts so much right now.  But she is in very capable hands, one of the best reconstructive surgeons in Florida.  As comforting as that is, my baby is in His Loving Hands.  I feel Mary our Blessed Mother wrapping her mantle around Tay keeping her in the safety of a mother's arms when her earthly mother cannot.

The surgeon just came out before I even had the chance start my Rosary!  Praise the Lord!  He said she did great and was already talking!

Short post tonight!  Exhausted and thankful mom here.  Thank you to everyone praying for Taylor.  She was in Good Hands!

God bless,
Bonnie

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Preparing for the storms

It's the phone call every parent dreads.  Your child has been in a car accident.  That call came this past Thursday night.  I had been out with friends to hear speaker and author Matthew Kelly (Rediscover Catholicism, Off Balance) discuss why now is the time to step up as Catholics.  During his talk, to paraphrase, he said, "be prepared for the storms, for you never know when they will come."  Boy, I did not expect the storm to occur so quickly.  Not more than an hour after his talk, the call came. My youngest daughter, a college student on the opposite coast of Florida, had been rear-ended.  Her dear friend who had been in the car with her, called me from the scene of the accident.  My heart stopped.  She said Taylor was ok, maybe a broken nose.  But the car was totaled.  The paramedic asked to speak with me.  All vital signs were good, but taking her to the hospital for assessment.  She told me if they hadn't been wearing their seat belts, they would have flown through the front windshield.  The impact crushed the rear end of the car into the front seats.  Only by the grace of God did those girls walk away from this accident.  And, with no head injuries.  Just a broken nose and some whiplash.  I have been with my daughter this entire weekend, and have not stopped thanking the Lord for allowing me to have my daughter by my side, healthy, alive, talking, walking, and still my baby girl.  

In the November 2010 Monthly Message, Jesus shows us the power of our prayers.  We may not understand why certain things happen, difficult things.  One day, when we face our Lord, all will make sense.  

". . . You, dear apostle, have shown Me that you are interested in My pain which will always involve the pain of humanity. This moves My heart to the greatest generosity. I answer your prayers in a mystical way. Some day you will see that I answered your prayers in the most beneficial way possible, given the intention. Many unnecessary calamities are avoided because of prayer. The greatest mercy flows down to your loved ones through your prayers, even though you suffer terribly when you see your loved ones hurt or when you must be separated from them, particularly when you do not expect to be separated from them. I am the merciful Christ in all of these situations."

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord, for sparing my daughter and her friend.  I truly can't imagine the pain of losing a child.  Please comfort those who have lost a child and flow graces to them bringing peace into their aching hearts.  

God bless,
Bonnie


P.S.  There has been such an outpouring of love and prayers for Taylor and me this past weekend. But there are some people I have to thank: Karen, Stan, Tim and Jenna for keeping me calm during that awful phone call; Whitney for being my strength when I needed it that night; Mallorie for her love and prayers; Steve for all his love and prayers; Hannah for taking care of my baby girl until I could get there; everyone at DFOT for their love and prayers; and all the wonderful people I have met here in Ft. Lauderdale this weekend: Lauren (who kept Tay calm in a scary situation), Ross (for sitting by my girl in the ER until she was discharged); Anthony (Antman!) for prayers and being so thoughtful taking pressure off regarding Tay's car situation.   And, all my Facebook friends who prayed for us!  I love you all!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

A single lay apostle

Living the single life after divorce has its ups and downs.  The upside is freedom to do as I please.  If I want to eat Reece's Peanut Butter cups for dinner, no one is around to condemn my choice (I have only done this a few times . . . ok, maybe more than a few!).  The downside?   At night, when the phone stops ringing and silence prevails, loneliness can edge its way in.  I have grown accustomed to the quiet now.  But occasionally, in the stillness of the night, I contemplate the dating world.  I know exactly what I want and need at this point in my life. Finding the right man is not an easy task.   My priorities have shifted significantly. Is it really about finding someone who satisfies all my needs?  In Anne a lay apostle's book Lessons in Love, her brilliant words refocus me.

"Let us remember, single apostles, that our time is best spent becoming the right person, not trying to find the right person. Do not spend the bulk of your time looking. Spend the bulk of your time becoming. Become. If we, as single lay apostles, constantly seek to find the right person, we are not trying hard enough to become the right person. In this case, we are ignoring our need for development and the right person might not choose us because we have not cooperated with the Lord in our own formation."

I am working hard to become the right person.  I feel Jesus refocusing my attention away from relationships and closer to my life centering around Him.  When I was at my weakest, He knew I needed some major distractions.  So, He is blessing me with two grandchildren this year!  My first grandchild will be here in about 8 weeks!  Perfect timing as always, Jesus!

Thank you, Lord, for leading me to Your Sacred Heart.  I know I must be extremely challenging for You, and I appreciate Your patience!

God bless,
Bonnie

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

What goes in, shouldn't necessarily come out . . .

When we are wronged, forgotten, humiliated, or even despised, our natural tendency is damage control.  Sometimes, making ourselves feel better requires inflicting pain in response, and not always on the offender.  Revenge and retaliation are never a good idea.  In today's Gospel (Mark 7: 14-23), Jesus clearly defines how we defile ourselves by our actions:

Jesus summoned the crowd again and said to them, "Hear me, all of you, and understand. Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile."

When he got home away from the crowd his disciples questioned him about the parable. He said to them, "Are even you likewise without understanding? Do you not realize that everything that goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters not the heart but the stomach and passes out into the latrine?"
(Thus he declared all foods clean.) "But what comes out of the man, that is what defiles him. From within the man, from his heart, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile."

I am guilty of responding negatively when lied to.  There is very little I despise more than a liar.  In the past, to ease the pain, I have administered the pain back by letting go of confidences, bringing others into places they shouldn't be.  We are all guilty of gossip, right?   In Volume Two, Jesus reiterates the above parable:

"My child, when you read scripture you will become familiar with how I lived. You must do this daily and through scripture you will learn about Me. Days will pass and your life will unfold before you and you will find yourself becoming Me. You will watch your heart be moved with pity for humanity, as Mine was moved. You will accept hurts with dignity and understanding, seeking no revenge. Yes, you will change."

Thank you, Lord, for showing me through the Gospels and this mission, how to control not only what goes in, but what comes out of me, too.  I am a work in progress and I pray you continue to calm my heart.

God bless,
Bonnie


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Ask and You Shall Receive

Most mornings I wake up ready to serve the Lord, trusting in His every direction for my day. But, this morning I woke up with the weight of the world on my heart.  Anxiety crept in overnight causing me to question if I was headed in the right direction with my life.  To snap myself out of this self-doubt, I began my morning prayers, asking for His guidance.  Now, Jesus knows I need to be slapped in the face with an answer because I am usually second-guessing myself.  He responds so quickly at times, reassuring me of His continual presence.   After my prayers, I logged on to write my blog entry for today.  Staring at the blank "compose" screen in front of me, I contemplated what I would write about.  No joke, within seconds the phone rang.  It was a phone call from a young man working for the DFOT mission.  Our discussion reassured me I was on the right track.  Boy, Jesus never ceases to amaze me!  When looking for a quote today, I came across this in Volume Four, from God the Father:  

"My children of the world, I would like you to ask Me for everything you need. I am your Father and in this time I seek to be available to each one of you in a clear way. Ask Me for what you require and I will see that you have it. You are accustomed to fulfilling every need through the world. In this way, you forgot to look toward heaven. Now you will look to heaven again and that is as it should be. Cry out to your Father, who sees all and takes all into consideration. You will become dependent on Me as past generations were dependent on Me. This is natural and holy."

We all have moments of self-doubt, don't we?  During those moments, ask God for what you need and listen for His answer.  It will come in some way, shape or form. Whether it be a phone call or an unexpected email, whatever it is, trust He is guiding your life and in control.  

Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayers so quickly at times, and for the patience to wait when the answer takes a little longer than I anticipated!

God bless,
Bonnie


Monday, February 6, 2012

The beauty within

Every month, lay apostles check their email inboxes until it arrives . . . the Monthly Message Jesus gives Anne about His call to service.  And every month when it arrives, it is my nourishment.  My heart falls more and more in love with Our Lord.  His words propel me forward in service to Him.  And, most importantly, I have hope. 

"Dear apostles, your faith makes you beautiful. I am watching you as you receive graces from heaven. Your heart is transformed, little by little, and your service to Me is purified and becoming more unblemished by self interest. Your life is changing in many ways. Perhaps you are leaving one type of service for another or completing a task that has held your attention for a long time. Perhaps you are laying down a heavy cross of suffering and being released from it so that you can serve more freely in another way. Perhaps, dear apostle, you are awaiting your next heavenly assignment and you are eager to move on to it. Or you are simply serving faithfully as best you can in the work that is yours each day. Regardless, you believe, and you are trying to live that belief. This makes you beautiful to Me. Yes, faithfulness to Me consoles the world. The little pocket of faithfulness you contribute is like a sign that directs the eyes of others to the next life. Others look at you and understand that not everyone lives for this life. They understand that even if you are wrong about eternity, hope in eternity exists. My friends, you do not realize the value of that hope for someone in a moment when all hope seems lost. Poor humanity. We must bring hope to the world through our committed service to the Father. And if you find your hope challenged, then you must explain to Me the source of your pain. Come to Me in the silence of your heart and I will listen to your grief. I will console you. I will show you that the power of heaven can heal the gravest hurts and the cruelest sufferings. I will restore you. Please believe Me. It is in the interest of all of humanity that you possess the hope needed for others. Yes, you are beautiful to Me, dear apostles. You are beautiful."

Always remember, lay apostles, trust Jesus when your hope begins to waver.  Serve Him faithfully.

Thank you, Lord, for changing my life.  I am getting stronger every day!

God bless,
Bonnie

Thursday, February 2, 2012

A United Voice

I am the first to admit I am not a political person.  But, I do follow the news online . . . sometimes. Yesterday I came across the following albeit from December 2011. I was so overwhelmed with joy reading Catholics and non-Catholics were uniting on the issue of the Health and Human Services contraceptive mandate.

Protestants and Jews declare to White House: We stand with Catholics
December 22, 2011 by Emily Hardman

Protestant and orthodox Jewish leaders join in opposition to HHS contraceptive mandate.

Today, more than 40 non-Catholic religious organizations including Protestant-affiliated colleges, National Association of Evangelicals, Focus on the Family, Assemblies of God, Northwest Nazarene University, and Eastern Mennonite University, sent a letter to the White House demanding religious protection against the newly issued HHS contraceptive mandate.

“We write not in opposition to Catholic leaders and organizations. We write in solidarity.” Says the coalition letter. “Leaders of other faiths are also deeply troubled by and opposed to the mandate and the narrow exemption.”

In a letter sent December 21, 2011, the group expressed deep concern about the contraceptive provision in the Health and Human Services mandates, which includes the most narrow “religious employer” qualifications excluding protection of most-faith based organizations.

“We are all deeply concerned about the narrow exemption, including proposals made to expand it while still leaving unprotected many faith-based organizations.” The letter continues, “We believe that the Federal government is obligated by the First Amendment to accommodate the religious convictions of faith-based organizations of all kinds, Catholic and non-Catholic.”



And yet, despite this glorious united front, on January 20, 2012, it was announced that almost all employers, including Catholic and faith-based employers, will be forced to offer employees health coverage providing sterilization, abortion-inducing drugs and contraceptives.

Now, remember, I am politically challenged, but here I go. Is it just my imagination? Haven't the liberals and Obama supporters been fighting to make sure church and state have nothing to do with each other? To take religion out of everything? And now they are mandating what religious organizations must comply with despite their religious convictions? Seems to me they want their cake and eat it too. I may not be politically correct, but if they want faith out of everything, why are they trying to politically control religion? People of all faiths, WAKE UP! Wake up before you find yourself living in a world without religious freedom, dominated by atheism. Did Jesus worry about being politically correct here on earth? 



In Anne, a lay apostle's book, Serving in Clarity, she sheds light on this topic:

“As lay apostles, we look always to the example of Jesus Christ in Scripture. First of all we ask ourselves if Jesus was politically correct. Did our Jesus hold back the truth so that people would like Him and not kill Him? No. Jesus Christ spoke the truth in the greatest gentleness and love. He spoke the truth as a teacher speaks the truth, with a goal of illuminating the soul of the person with whom he speaks, thus advancing that person so that the person can go on to accept even greater truths. Did Jesus say, “I know the truth and you do not, therefore I am better than you?” Did Jesus say, “I live the truth and you do not, therefore I am going to heaven and you are not?” Did Jesus say, “If you don’t immediately conform to My exact view of the truth you will go to hell?” Clearly not. It is not Jesus who speaks like this. Remember that Jesus had the complete truth. He was the Truth then and He is the Truth now, and yet, from this position of power Jesus was and is gentle and kind. We, His followers, are called to proceed similarly. We must speak the truth in kindness and gentleness, remembering always that we do not hold ourselves above anyone.”

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me faith in You is number one, not political correctness. I stand united with You always. Please give me the grace to be gentle and kind as You were when the truth should be spoken.

God bless,
Bonnie


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Why Confession?

Sitting across from another human being and admitting all my deep dark secrets?  All my mistakes, things I am ashamed of?   God knows everything I've done and He forgives me.  So why should I go to Confession?  I didn't need it.  Or so I thought . . .

Before my first Eucharistic Day of Renewal with Anne a lay apostle in 2006, the thought of Confession scared me. But when Confession was offered during the break, I knew Jesus was gently prompting me to renew this important part of my faith.  My heart felt as if it would explode from my chest at any moment. Was I ready? My thoughts raced, trying to recall all that had been forgotten or desperately pushed far into the recesses of my mind over the years.  Many years.  Around 25 to be exact.  I knew it was time for me to return to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I examined all the clergy on the altar available to hear confessions.  They all had kind faces, except one.  His was pinched and uninviting.  I would avoid him and choose one strong enough to hear all I had to confess. 

The time was drawing near and I had to take the first step.  I looked around the church and plotted my course to the priest with the friendliest face.  His robust appearance demonstrated good health with no chance of heart failure when hearing my transgressions.  The line was long (I could only assume others felt the need for a kind face), but I was determined to change my life.  Start anew with a clean slate.  I stood behind a kind woman from Tampa and we chatted quietly about Anne and this rescue mission.  I think we both needed the distraction.  The line became shorter and shorter. I was tenth in line when the announcement came.  Everyone needed to be back in their seats in 15 minutes.  I had already been in line for a half hour.  There was no way I would be able to confess to this priest.  I had two choices:  one, sit back down and commit to confessing another day; or two, find the shortest line and get it over with.  Lo and behold, the priest with the shortest line was the one I had avoided.  My anxiety level accelerated as I quickly moved over to his line.  There were only two people in front of me.  Soon, I was sitting in the chair across from him. “Bless me father, for I have sinned, it has been, gulp, 25 years since my last confession.”  No look of shock; no hyperventilation.  I have coined what happened next as “verbal vomiting.”  As soon as he told me to confess my sins, they spilled out.  One horrible sin after another.  Tears were streaming down my face.  As soon as I couldn’t think of anything else to confess, this beautiful, holy man grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes.  “You are holding on to so much guilt, child.  Do you know that Jesus loves you?”  “Yes, I do,” I said looking into his kind eyes.  “Well, Jesus forgives you.  Now, say the Act of Contrition.”  I began to panic for an instant trying to remember the words.  Then, with every ounce of dignity I had left, I admitted I had forgotten it.  He squeezed my hands and told me to ask Jesus for forgiveness, which I did.  My penance . . . ten Our Father’s and ten Hail Mary’s.  I got up and returned to my seat, feeling 10 pounds lighter.  

In Anne's book, The Mist of Mercy, she speaks about the beauty of Confession:


"God offers us forgiveness, regardless of the sins we have committed. God’s forgiveness has no strings or limits attached. God’s forgiveness does not come and go. God does not make forgiveness available one day and then withdrawn the offer of it the next day. The forgiveness of God is and always will be. Like everything else about God, His forgiveness is perfect. Once it is given, it will not be taken away. God’s forgiveness does not rely on anything in us. Are you sorry for your sins? If the answer is yes, then you have nothing to worry about. Go to Confession if you are a Catholic and everything will be fine. Some people recall a bad experience in Confession. They cite this as the reason they no longer go to Confession or indeed pray or go to Mass. This is heartbreaking. Be aware that Jesus calls priests from the group that is humanity. Priests are human. If a priest behaved badly to you, God will deal with him. Be assured that the Lord knows the sins of His priests. We must also be assured that when we die and stand before God, He will not ask us what everyone else did wrong. He will ask us for an account of OUR life. Look past the priest to Jesus Christ. Do not allow a bad experience to pull you away from God’s love and from all that He offers through His Church. It is good for people to understand that there is no limit to God’s forgiveness. Some people think that their sins, their malice and the damage they have done to others, makes it impossible for God to forgive them. They feel they will always be permanently excluded from God’s family. This is only possible if a person refuses to repent and wishes to be excluded. Some people think they do not want to go to Confession and confess their past sins because it means they are making a commitment to perfection. They think, I’m not ready to be perfect. I’m not ready to change. I’m not ready to completely give up some of my habits or behaviors. Please, please, please do not let this stop you from going to Confession. Jesus knows you will fail again. He accepts this. If there is the smallest desire in you to try to do the smallest bit better for God, then you should go to Confession and let Christ, through the priest, help you. Conversion is an ongoing thing. We do not become perfect in a day. We do not even become perfect in a lifetime. But we do need to admit that we can improve and begin to try. Think small steps and the Lord will do big things. Do not avoid your role in the renewal because you have sinned. If you are repentant, you are just the type of person needed. One who comes to God in humility can be restored to purity in an instant. God has no difficulty in forgiving a repentant sinner. It is far more difficult for God to deal with a person who serves heaven but takes all the credit. It is God who grants holiness, after all. It is God who performs miracles. What makes a valuable lay apostle? I must say that God loves humility and willingness. When a person encounters someone who loves God and who is humble, he is drawn to that person and drawn to God. When a person encounters someone who loves God but who is arrogant in his service, he is not drawn to that person and sadly, an opportunity for conversion can be missed."



Thank you, Lord, for the graces offered in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  I truly know You have forgiven me, letting go of my past mistakes.  I continue to pray others I have hurt can forgive me, too.

God bless,
Bonnie