Conquer Fear

Fear and trembling. Sheer terror. The sound of the most unforgettable musical score—the charging shark's rhythmic, escalating two notes—da dum, da dum . . . Most of us from the mid-70’s know it well.  ‘Jaws’ singlehandedly caused an acute awareness of things swimming around in the ocean. Things that could bite me in half.  I was thirteen years old living in southern California when I saw the movie.  As a child I grew up near the Atlantic Ocean in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.  I had been stung by a man ‘o war, thrown around by huge waves, and still never hesitated running through the sand hurling myself into the surf.  Yet, after seeing this movie, I could barely stand in ankle-deep water.  This fear turned into a phobia.  Small fish swimming in schools would cause me to run for the safety of my towel.  I was at the beach almost every afternoon when I started driving.  Friends would be frolicking in the water, flirting the surfers while I “worked on my tan.”  

In February of 2009, I had the opportunity to visit Oahu, Hawaii. On the flight to Hawaii, I had brought Volumes Seven, Nine and Ten. I wanted to become familiar with the contents of each in order to guide others in the future.  The overall message I was getting was, have no fear.  Trust Jesus.  So I began thinking . . . the closer I get to Jesus and His Sacred Heart, the less I fear.  Hmmm . . . what scares me? Not death. Not loss. Something to ponder.  In the airport, walking to baggage claim, I saw a brochure with a white sandy beach on the cover.  I grabbed it and threw it in my purse. On the drive to the hotel, I saw it.  A full page ad in the brochure.  In big yellow letters it beckoned: SWIM WITH THE SHARKS!  Hawaii Shark Encounters.  The biggest and safest shark cages in Hawaii.  As seen on ESPN, Animal Planet, CNN.com, National Geographic, etc.  Yes!  My biggest fear, sharks!  St. Gertrude spoke to me about fear in Volume Seven.  I got it!  I needed to face my biggest fear and TRUST JESUS! The adventure was booked! 

Sleep didn’t come easily the night before.  Anticipation of being surrounded by sharks crept into my dreams, waking me abruptly a couple of times through the night.  Would a shark jump over the top of the cage and get in?  Could they get through the bars?  Over and over my mind replayed all the possible scenarios. I prayed most of the 45 minute drive to the North Shore.  We arrived early for our excursion, giving us time to walk around and explore the area.  As our boat pulled into the dock, I repeated over and over, ‘I trust You, Jesus.’  By the time I stepped foot on the boat, I felt calm.  Chris and Phil, our guides, went over the rules, one of which was not to pet the sharks or let your hands or feet drift outside the cage.  Our appendages look a lot like the bait they use to attract the sharks.  Still calm, good.  Typically when scooting through the water at high speeds and big swells, I panic.  My mind immediately plays the scenario: high swells, the boat tips, I am in the water with sharks. The fear is paralyzing.  But, not this time.  As we hit the swells, I just held on, enjoying the scenery.  We were heading three miles out to water 500 feet deep.  As we approached the permanent buoy, two whales appeared about 200 feet from our boat.  Our guides told us it was rare to see them this time of year in Hawaii.  Then the sharks appeared, swimming around our boat.  We were told the vibration of the boat attracted them. They knew they would be fed.  Bait, of course. 

After instructions and without hesitation, I went to the ladder. As I descended, I was having a conversation with Jesus the whole time.  ‘If You want me to die in a shark attack, Your will be done.’  Down I went and was face to face with a 12 foot Galapogas shark.  It was beautiful.  I was able to look at it as one of God’s creatures, not a maneater.  At one point, there had to be at least 15 to 20 sharks circling the cage.  I did it.  I conquered my biggest fear.  Letting go and trusting God by accepting any outcome is incredibly freeing.    

Just as I trusted Jesus in the shark cage, Peter had to trust and believe in our Savior as in the Gospel today (Matthew 14:22-36):

Jesus made the disciples get into a boat and precede him to the other side of the sea, while he dismissed the crowds. After doing so, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone. Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified. "It is a ghost," they said, and they cried out in fear. At once Jesus spoke to them, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Peter said to him in reply, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" After they got into the boat, the wind died down. Those who were in the boat did him homage, saying, "Truly, you are the Son of God."

In Anne a lay apostle’s book Whispers from the Cross, she shows us Our Lady’s determination to inspire complete trust in her Son:

“Above ground a battle is being waged that is fierce and very ugly, really ugly but Our Lady’s gaze at the Father remains steady and the graces continue to be drawn out into the land. Our Lady is not afraid at all. ‘Determined’ would be a good way to describe her. Seeing this about her gives me great strength and courage because I can see that this is how it is done. Eyes on the Father, let the storm rage around you and trust in the ultimate triumph of goodness over evil. The prayers affect how it will be done and how quickly it will be accomplished but Our Lady, and by extension all of us, will win in the end.”

Lay apostles, think about your biggest fear.  Then, think about facing it with Jesus. Much easier when you let Him be in control, accepting any outcome to be His.  After all, the likelihood of being attacked by a shark is minute compared to being attacked by the evil one.  Time to suit up with that spiritual armor and conquer all your fears.

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me how to be fearless with You by my side.  Not sure I want to attempt to actually swim in open waters with sharks just yet, but Your will be done!

God bless,
Bonnie