A time to be brave

I DO NOT like surprises. Period. From an early age, I developed a coping mechanism that has withstood the test of time. When contemplating relationships, ventures, physical ailments, or life decisions, I ALWAYS look at the worst case scenario and best case scenario before making a move. If I prepare for the worst, there will be no surprises, just some sadness or disappointment. I can handle that. Surprises do sneak in once in a while, though. Some like a punch in the gut; others are sheer heaven. Anticipating a negative outcome draws me closer to Jesus. No matter how devastating the news, He will be ready with open arms to console . . . if you let Him.

In the Monthly Message on July 2008, Jesus tells us:

"It is always the best decision to rely on the One who loves you perfectly and holds, in His heart, the perfect plan for your time on earth. Why would you let fear diminish your joy? Why would you let anxiety for yourself or others eradicate the joy that is available to you in the present moment? My dearest apostles, you live in the present, not the future. If the present is difficult, I am there. If the future becomes difficult, I will be there, too. You will not be abandoned and your loved ones will not be abandoned. Ultimately, the greater the trust in Me, the greater the joy in each moment. I want you to abandon fear. I want you to cast yourself into the providence that surrounds you. Fear is a snare for you or I would not treat it so seriously. Ask Me now for greater trust and I will give it to you. Ask Me now for greater joy and I will give that to you, also. It is important that others see in you an accurate reflection of the graces heaven makes available to apostles. Do not hide these graces away. Let these graces flow out from you to those around you. Share what is good, dear apostles, not what is bad. Share what comes from Me and you will help to draw others back into our family. I am telling you that I have greater graces available to you so make your Jesus happy and ask for these graces. You will be blessed with all that you need and joy will be yours. Be at peace. I will never abandon you."

Today my blog entry was written for a very dear friend who just received a cancer diagnosis. He is a brave man and I know the Lord is holding him lovingly in His arms right now, consoling any worries. I love you and promise to be just a phone call away, always!

Thank you, Lord, for placing this man in my life. I have learned so much from him, allowing me to draw closer to You.

God bless,

Bonnie

Clinging to the past

The A & E channel broadcasts a show called Hoarders. As disturbing as it is, I am intrigued with every episode. There seems to be a recurring theme . . . people unable to let go of the past. Clinging to objects destroyed by rat infested basements; cockroaches lining the walls within inches of a make-shift bed among the clutter. I can barely watch sometimes. But, it's something in their eyes, every one of them, that draws me in. Something very familiar. Speaking with my sister this morning, we were discussing the difficulties we had with our mother growing up. It all seems so distant, and yet she passed away only 5 years ago. After we hung up, I started thinking about Mother's hoarding tendencies. And I made the connection . . . the eyes of the hoarders are my mother's eyes. The harder we tried to help her let go of the past, the stronger her grip on the fantasy life she created in her head. She was a feisty one who, even if she was wrong, would argue with you that she was right despite evidence showing otherwise. As infuriating as it was at the time, I have to smile because I know where I get it from . . .

So, can we really ever let go of the past avoiding useless anxiety? Yes! With Christ, all things are possible! Jesus tells us in Volume One:

"Dear lost one, I have heard the groaning of your soul and I am responding to your pain. The evil one makes war on the souls of My children and attempts to take them away. But the enemy offers you nothing. Only emptiness. You see that now, little soul, so return to Me. I offer you all that is beautiful, noble, and eternal. You will NEVER regret that you came back to Me. Are you listening? Are you allowing your poor troubled heart to answer Me? I am healing you. I wish to heal you even further; until your soul is as pure as necessary to enter into My kingdom. Dear child, do you want to spend eternity with happiness, with joy in the goodness of others? I do not refer to the hypocritical goodness of some of your earthly companions. That false goodness has disappointed you in the past and is the source of some of your bitterness. Fear not. The light will shine upon that goodness and expose it for evil."

Thank you, Lord, for healing me. I know this is a continual process, but with You, I am learning to let go of the past and focus on the present.

God bless,

Bonnie

Changing learned behavior

As children, our environment affects how we learn, live, and love. When that environment is dysfunctional, certain coping mechanisms develop. Disappointment, hurt, and feelings of abandonment can control our need to feel loved and wanted as teens, potentially continuing into adulthood. How do we act to make people need and love us? Rage, power and control, to name a few. This bad behavior according to my daughter, a behavior analyst, is called "junk behavior." If we make a big enough fuss, those around us will cave in and do what we want. But, giving in to junk behavior allows the person throwing the temper tantrum to believe they are justified in their actions with no consequences. And so history repeats itself generation after generation.

Why do we feel the need to act out to get attention or tolerate junk behavior from others? Fear. Fear no one will love us or need us, so any attention, good or bad, temporarily satisfies. Some of us grow up in households with a demanding parent, teaching us to love despite the bad behavior. Some of us have complete control over our parents, being catered to at the slightest hint of dissatisfaction. Let's stop bad behavior from repeating. The Blessed Mother has this to say about fear in Volume Three:

"This fear is the result of the lack of faith that has settled upon this world. Faithful souls need to be told that fear is not going to help the situation and fear will make people respond in panic. What is necessary is calm, a trust that can only be achieved through a daily prayer regimen."

And, this from St. Gertrude in Volume Seven:

"When I felt fear I began to praise God. In this way I turned the fear into a prayer and trained myself to allow Jesus to eradicate my fears. He always did."

If we completely abandon ourselves to Christ, fear dissipates. Yes, we may fail at times in love and business. People will be disappointed in us. People will abandon us. People will even hate us. And that is OK. If we have the right intentions and work for the glory of God in everything we do, we cannot fail in His Eyes.

Thank you, Lord, for all the work You are doing to eradicate my fears. Forgive my missteps along the way (lots of forgiveness needed!) and continue to guide me up the mountain of holiness.

God bless,

Bonnie

Time for prayer

Insomnia set in years ago when I was in nursing school, which lead to a career of night shift schedules. Mornings just don't agree with me. When I began working out of a home office, my morning began with a cup of strong coffee to wake me up. Prayer time wasn't part of my routine. I prayed when it crossed my mind during the day. And always said a brief Our Father at night. Do you schedule time for prayer? No matter how busy Jesus was, he always made time for prayer. And He was a pretty busy man exorcising demons and healing people! Since I left my job end of November to write full-time, I have made prayer part of my daily routine. I still drag myself out of bed sometimes and make a cup of coffee, then take my coffee out to my back porch and begin with the Allegiance Prayer and the Morning Offering:

Allegiance Prayer

Dear God in Heaven, I pledge my allegiance to You. I give You my life, my work and my heart. In turn, give me the grace of obeying Your every direction to the fullest possible extent. Amen.

Morning Offering

Oh Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I offer You the prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day for all the intentions of Your Sacred Heart, in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world, in reparation for my sins, and for the intentions of the Holy Father. Amen

Then, as a Catholic, I pray the Rosary. My days seem to flow more smoothly since I began this routine. And, I find myself praying throughout the day, trying to stay focused on what Jesus needs me to accomplish for Him and His Glory. The following message from Volume Four gives reassurance our prayers are being put to good use.

“Every breath of praise, every sentence of praise, every song of praise you utter will surround you with an oxygen-like substance in heaven. You will breathe in all of your prayers and you will exult in every earthly acceptance of suffering or hardship. Your prayers and obedience give God glory, this is true. But your earthly prayers and obedience also give you glory in eternity.” Jesus the King

Thank you, Lord, for creating time in my day to focus on You and the plans You have for me. Please give me the graces to pray without ceasing.

God bless,

Bonnie

Grace under fire

Have you ever been attacked verbally for no apparent reason other than to be used as a punching bag? It used to be very hard for me to keep my mouth shut when verbally assaulted. If someone got in my face, I would move one step closer. And, I wouldn't back down. I was so sensitive to any ounce of criticism, real or perceived. I grew up with a mentally ill mother, so I understand this personality type well. But, I'm different now. Jesus tells us to never fight evil with evil. Look past the bad behavior to the wounded little boy or girl behind the venomous words. The words are a defense mechanism, the only way to cope when you are spiraling out of control. The battle in spiritual warfare is raging now, my friends. Do not give in to temptation. Let us fight hate with love. Anger with peace.

One of my favorite messages from the mission is in Volume Nine from Jesus. I read this at a time when I was very wounded by a situation happening in my life. Reading this message was a crucial turning point in my faith journey. It's long, but so worth reading. And, exactly what I needed to hear tonight.

"In order to live fully, you must consider your universe, both what is seen and what is unseen. Often it is the unseen that moves souls, and souls who allow for heavenly influences and guardians live more fully and more securely. My children, with all of the divine assistance surrounding you, you truly lack for nothing. I would not ask you to complete the missions I have entrusted to you and not give you adequate support. The support is there. You simply have to utilize it. If you are working on a project for Me and feel you have encountered an obstacle, joyfully ask the angels in heaven to remove it. Be peaceful as you know that I will not hold you accountable for things that you cannot change. Work steadily, aware that you are surrounded by My friends, in the form of angels, but also saints. With the heavenly company you are keeping, you will learn to be at peace in everything. You will learn to take the heavenly view of every situation and every person. For example, perhaps you are placed in the presence of a soul for whom you feel repugnance. A worldly approach would be to escape this person’s presence as quickly as possible. Now, after considering the presence of the angels and saints, you might discuss the matter silently with them. They may inform you that this soul is in great pain, which he masks with an unpleasant or aggressive exterior. Perhaps his soul is in distress and longs for the heavenly union you enjoy. Perhaps he has been badly injured by those who were supposed to love him or maybe he is sick in body. Maybe, My friends, life has disappointed him and there was no Jesus to heal his wounds. Now, would you not consider that situation differently in light of these possibilities? Your angelic friends, including this man’s angel guardian, might explain this to you and urge you to treat him with exactly what his soul needs to creak open the smallest bit and allow Me inside. You know what I am capable of, given room in a soul. It becomes a very different situation, does it not? While you are on earth, you may not see what your prayers and love accomplished for this soul. But you will see it in heaven. You will see all of the fruits of your little acts of self-denial and love when you arrive here. My friends, how differently you will live, given a constant awareness of your heavenly companionship."

Thank you, Lord, for the graces You have provided me under fire. I have such peace and calm in my heart because of Your Words above.

God bless,

Bonnie

Moving beyond defeat

Have you ever been so overwhelmed with negative events happening in your life you come close to throwing in the towel and admitting defeat? People can inflict such hurt. But there is a sure fire way to move past defeat. Let's do a little spiritual check. Are you attending Mass or church services on a regular basis? Are you doing some daily spiritual reading, for example, the Bible or the Volumes? Are you praying at bedtime and upon rising every morning? If you answered "no" to these questions, it's time to reassess your priorities. In Anne a lay apostle's book Whispers from the Cross, she gives us some food for Christian thought:

"As Christ followers, we must look at the people in our lives in truth, with compassion. We can judge objective wrongs as wrongs and still view those acting out those wrongs with compassion. We can say, 'Ah, yes, it is pain and vulnerability that prompts these bad actions against me.' Viewed in this way, we can avoid bitterness and condemnation, even as we deal with the effects of the wounds inflicted by others.

We, committed to Christ and plugged into His constant healing graces, can stop the destruction from spreading and even push back at it by returning love for hostility."

With every ounce of courage you can muster up, respond with love to those who hurt you. Responding with love may require remaining silent at times. Not an easy one for me. But over the last year, several people have helped me try this one on for size. And, it's getting easier to brush off harsh comments or actions. Like anything, practice makes perfect (or in my case, near perfect!). Abandon yourself to the Lord and let Him take care of difficult people and situations. He is the Master, after all!

Thank you, Lord, for helping me view others with compassion, even when they act as if I am the enemy. Please continue to provide the graces I need to practice majestic silence as You did during the brutal beating You took for all of us.

God bless,

Bonnie

Wasting time

Time is bittersweet. So much possibility in the future, and pieces of regret from the past. As my youngest daughter pulled out of the driveway after being home from college for almost two weeks, I was overwhelmed with how fast time flies. And, time lost with my girls due to my drive to be successful. During those years, I was focused on what I wanted to achieve. How I would give the girls a better life than I had. I didn't consult Jesus once. The noise in my head was so loud with my own desires, Jesus could barely get a word in edgewise. In the Heaven Speaks About Stress booklet, Jesus teaches us how to de-stress our lives by focusing on His desires for us, not multi-tasking with unnecessary thoughts and actions of our own:

"My children, why do you hurry so? Why do you feel you must move so quickly through your days? This is not the way I intended the children of God to live. You may tell Me that you have many things to do. I respond to you by saying that you are trying to do too much. You will not be holy if you move so quickly. I want My beloved apostles to move more slowly and thoughtfully through their days. I want you to make decisions on what I am asking you to do and what you are busying yourself with that is not from Me. I want your way of life to change and I am asking you to make this change now. In the next week, think about each activity and decide, with Me, if it is something I want you to do or something you want to do. My dearest apostles, I ask that you begin to remove activities that do not further My will."

I see my drive for success in each one of my daughters. The biggest difference between them and me at their age is an intimate relationship with Jesus because of this mission. This week, take some time to sit in silence with Jesus, especially if you are overwhelmed with multi-tasking. The more time you spend in silence, the easier it is to hear Him.

Thank you, Lord, for providing me with the tools and direction I need on a daily basis. I know how hard it is to quiet the noise in my head, so please continue to prompt me to slow down and listen to You!

God bless,

Bonnie

Admitting mistakes

Boy do I hate it when I screw up! Especially when making the mistake and realizing, in the moment, the potential consequences of my actions. Lies are told to protect yourself from ridicule by those potentially hurt by your temporary weakness. The last thing you want is for anyone to know you are fallible. But, we all are. We all screw up. Sometimes minutely, sometimes on a grander scale. We see our weakness as something to be ashamed of, to hide from the world. Jesus wants us to live in humility for Him. To take the ridicule and angst the world can throw at us . . . all for Him and His Passion (Agony in the Garden, Scourging at the Pillar, Crowning of Thorns, Carrying the Cross, and the Crucifixion). In Anne a lay apostle's book Whispers from the Cross, she describes how Jesus wants us to accept our weakness and be brave in admitting our mistakes.

"Admissions of mistakes are imperative for each of us, that is, unless we never make mistakes. In the same way, false admissions and false self-examination is as distasteful as everything false and is as putrid as all deceit. There is nothing more off-putting than one who claims to be self-examining when in fact he is simply putting on a show of self-examining. It is not good to witness someone who lays a claim to small mistakes to distract from sinister emotions and large acts of malice. Such falseness is an attempt to hold up a mask of humility which conceals writhing and angry pride. The word haughty comes to mind. With this we will always see rage. The one who tries to tear the mask aside will face an outpouring of hatred that is chilling but God protects."

I am ready to tear the mask aside and face anything the world wants to throw at me. Let's all strive for transparency and honestly admit our mistakes. God will protect us through it all.

Thank you, Lord, for providing the grace of bravery in admission of my blunders when they occur (I will need ALOT of bravery, Lord!). You are guarding me from harm, and I know I can survive anything.

God bless,

Bonnie

Betrayal

Betrayal. It can take your breath away. It can cause your mind, your heart, your soul to feel bruised. Temptation to invoke justice is usually my first reaction. Something to ease the pain. But, in Anne a lay apostle's new book Whispers from the Cross, she addresses an alternative to lashing out:

"In the course of each life, we can expect to be betrayed. We can expect others to turn against us and be false, even perhaps while they pretend to be our friends. Falseness hurts the most. A proclaimed enemy at least allows us to be on guard. When one pretends to be a friend, we allow love to flow through us to them. We give. Our guard is down. When this love is exploited and it is found that person has abused love, one's trust can be badly shaken. Such hurt. The only place to take it is to the foot of the Crucified Christ. That is the only place where it will make sense. And, when we deliver this hurt to Jesus, He is able to console us and guide us through the temptations that accompany betrayal. Now, there can be a grave temptation to slap back. This is a grave temptation for many reasons, the first and most being that we will do further injury to God's plan if we behave like God's enemy."

As difficult as it is to step back from the initial insult, I don't want to interfere with God's plan for me. By withholding my own poisonous darts, I rely more on Jesus' consolation. Grant it, I am human and very flawed. But, in viewing attacks and suffering as challenges to increased holiness, somehow the wound heals at an accelerated pace. Fight bitterness. Fight revenge. Love more. Forgive faster.

Thank you, Lord, for being patient with my human flaws. Continue to help me rebound faster from betrayal, running to you always for consolation.

God bless,

Bonnie

Letting go

Have you ever wanted something or someone so desperately you evade all the obvious warning sirens going off in your brain? I tend to quiet the cautionary alarms with thoughts of what could be. I cling to moments which created the desire, dismissing harmful side effects. Sooner or later, your fantasy of bliss begins to chip away pieces of your soul.

"We must accept, believe, and trust that Jesus supports the soul as it is being filled and stretched to a seemingly unbearable limit. And then, the Lord Himself, at His pleasure and in accordance with His holy plan, opens a valve and love begins to flow out to others, on and on, further and further into the world, creating the most delightful and inexplicable divine ripple effect." Anne, a lay apostle, Lessons in Love, page 91.

The lesson is, continue to love with all my heart. Bad things happen. I can either choose to let it bring me down or just let go and move on. I know Jesus is in control. It has taken me a while, but the sirens don't go off for very long anymore. I ask for what I want from Him, and if I don't get it, I know He is protecting me from a debilitating side effect.

Thank you, Lord, for being my cure for every ill. No one makes me feel better faster than You!

God bless,

Bonnie

The Grace to Love Completely

Happy New Year!!! I can hardly believe it's 2012. Seems like just yesterday my oldest daughter told me I was going to be a grandma for the first time and now my grandson is going to be here in a little over 3 months!

Reflecting back on 2011, it was a year of loss, disappointment, bad decisions, good choices, love, peace and lessons learned. But isn't life always like that? Situations can be devastating, even disastrous to my ego, my soul, my physical being. Just when I'm about to wallow is self-pity, Jesus steps in to pull me out of the muck. He picks me up, dusts me off, and redirects me back to following His path, not mine. If I continually stay focused on Jesus, my choices become His choices, which ultimately lead me to greater holiness.

The January Monthly Message was on target, as usual!

January 1, 2012

Jesus

"May the peace of heaven continually surround each of my beloved apostles. My friends, there are times when the peace of heaven must pursue you, because, despite its best efforts, you elude peace. My peace then follows you, waiting for you to pause long enough to accept it. When you bring yourself into My presence, then My peace can absorb you and saturate you so that where you go, it can follow. If you are alert to Me, you will see that others are blessed by Me through you. Dear apostles, please accept that this is happening and be reverent about what I am seeking to do. Are you with Me in this effort of renewal? Do you seriously consider that I am determined to bring light to others through you? If you will accept this more fully, I can work more freely. If you move too quickly through your days, convinced that you are not achieving as many actions and tasks as you would like, then you may be missing what is obvious to heaven, that is, that you are surrounded by grace and protected by light. When you rest into this reality, you will see how effectively I am serving the world through you. Truly, I am loving people and comforting them through your soul because each day, Heaven moves into the world through the souls of those who are willing to serve. Allow Me please, to continue, and allow Me please, to sustain you personally. It is not My plan that you become dispirited and hopeless. It is My plan that if you suffer, you suffer peacefully, confident about My presence in your cross. I want you to work calmly, confident of My effectiveness in your work. You must be brave enough to love completely, confident of the benefit the world feels because of your decision to serve Me in whatever place you have found yourself on each day. Rejoice, dear apostles. Look forward with Me to greater holiness. I will protect My plan for you, but you must make a decision to accept heaven's peace."

Thank you, Lord, for pursuing me with Your Peace! Please continue to supply me with the graces needed to be brave and love completely!

God bless,

Bonnie

Christmas shopping

I don't know if it's just me, but do you hear people making a point of saying Merry Christmas to employees told to say Happy Holidays? I refuse to make light of what Christmas really is by saying Happy Holidays. Luke 2:7 tells us:

"She gave birth to her first-born Son and wrapped Him in swaddling clothes and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the place where travelers lodged."

Let's bring back the true spirit of Christmas and take back our beloved Christian holiday, the birth of our Savior.

Have a blessed Christmas and New Year!

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the gift of faith. Best present ever!

God bless,

Bonnie

Gumption

The Holiday is one of my favorite movies. I am always a sucker for love stories. But watching it last night, I could really identify with Kate Winslet's character. She is in love with a man who says and does all the right things in her mind. She brushes off and makes excuses for his bad behavior. Then out of the blue finds out he is engaged to another woman! A great line from this movie is,

"He let you go. This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

Loneliness is difficult and we tend to accept bad behavior to feel connected to someone romantically. We all want to be loved, and when we don't have a significant other to provide that love, we tend to lower our expectations. But, we don't have to!!! There is one Man who will never let us down and love us unconditionally . . . Jesus! In Volume One, Jesus tells us:

"I am here, dear soul. You need only look into your heart. I ache for you, for your pain, for your loneliness, for your isolation. Each soul feels alone at times and understands that human consolation is empty. They must seek spiritual or heavenly consolation. If you feel a stirring inside, it is your soul, seeking Me. Answer your soul, My dear lost one, for you will find Me waiting and I will solve all of your problems. I can work in you in miraculous ways if only you will allow Me. You have sought other consolations, which have disappointed you. Now try Me. I am here. I love you. I await you."

Kate Winslet's character develops what they call gumption. She begins to value herself and her eyes are opened. We all need to be the Leading Ladies (or Men) of our own life. We will always have a spiritual partner in Jesus despite our marital status. Let's live in His Light and know we are loved despite our faults.

Lord, thank you for reminding me I am valuable and worth loving. My gumption is now restored!

God bless,

Bonnie

Accepting Hardship

Reality can be glorious! And, it can really suck . . .

Discovering the truth can be so painful at times, it actually causes physical suffering. And, it detracts from all the blessings going on around you. Answered prayers which are so much more important than the uncovered lie seem to be temporarily forgotten. The initial sting, for a short time, impacts how you perceive yourself and your gullibility. After a period of beating yourself up for being fooled, if you let Him, Jesus will step in to put the salve on your gaping wound:

I want you to tell yourself that your hardship and suffering is an opportunity to give something to God the Father and that is your loyalty and faith. Say often, “I trust you, God. I offer you my pain in the spirit of acceptance and I will serve you in every circumstance.” Volume Four, Jesus the King, January 20, 2004

Thank you, Lord, for bringing me around so quickly now, the sting doesn't consume my thoughts of self-worth for very long.

God bless,

Bonnie

Feast of the Immaculate Conception

Today we celebrate the Solemnity of The Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary. When I pray the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary, which begins with the angel Gabriel visiting Mary to let her know she will give birth to the Son of God, I always think about her initial reaction. Was she scared? Worried what others would think about her becoming pregnant when she and Joseph weren't married yet? Yes, she was scared and troubled by what the angel told her. Then the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High . . ." How did she respond after she was given the news as to how this was going to happen? Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word." (Luke 1:26-38)

She said yes. And didn't look back. No regrets. Obeyed God. Ready for whatever life threw at her. She didn't try to control the situation saying, "Hey wait a minute, Gabriel. Can't Joseph and I get married first?" Her steadfast faith is worth striving for.

In Volume Two, Mary provides motherly comfort and advice:

"Dearest children, nestled in my Immaculate Heart, you must live your lives joyfully. Jesus, my beloved Son, has given you everything you need to become true servants. In order to have peace on this earth, you must serve Him, who is all light, all goodness. I am His mother. I am also your mother. Call on me often, little children of this world. I have helped many souls reach heaven and I will help you. Confide your fears to me and I will console you. A motherly heart understands each weakness in her children and can help her children overcome habits that distract them from their union with God."

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with a heavenly Mother who keeps constant vigil over me and all her children. Help me to trust in You as Mary did.

God bless,

Bonnie

A Difficult Request From Our Lord . . . Humility

Humility. What does it really mean? Merriam-Webster dictionary says the definition of humble is not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive; reflecting, expressing or offered in a spirit of deference or submission. This is a hard one for me. It's the submission part I struggle with . . . keeping my mouth shut and not reacting to difficult situations or people. In Volume Seven, St. Gertrude gives us this advice about humility:

"If you spend time with Christ each day you will remain humble. Many convert to Christ and then feel they are above all of mankind. They think they have reached sainthood merely by their altered path. I assure you, little servants, it is through the ascent that you achieve sainthood. The higher you climb, the more humble you will become. Do not hold yourself above anyone, ever. You will not make friends for Christ this way. You will confirm the enemy’s propaganda that Christians hold themselves above others. True Christians, of course, do not. You will know these things by your Spirit, but I, Gertrude, am giving you advance warning of a snare that could trip you up. Practice humility. The battle is won in the silence of your soul, my dearest friend."

The Litany of Humility is a prayer I pray every morning. The first time you read this you may think, "why would I pray this?" I promise, the more you read it, the more sense it makes and the easier difficulties and disappointment are.

Litany of Humility

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved…

From the desire of being extolled…

From the desire of being honored…

From the desire of being praised…

From the desire of being preferred to others…

From the desire of being consulted…

From the desire of being approved…

From the fear of being humiliated…

From the fear of being despised…

From the fear of suffering rebukes…

From the fear of being calumniated…

From the fear of being forgotten…

From the fear of being ridiculed…

From the fear of being wronged…

From the fear of being suspected…

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I…

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase

and I may decrease…

That others may be chosen and I set aside…

That others may be praised and I unnoticed…

That others may be preferred to me in everything…

That others may become holier than I,

provided that I may become as holy as I should…

Thank you, Lord, for showing me what true humility looks like. As prayed in the Litany of Humility, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

God bless,

Bonnie

Lord, I need patience NOW, please . . .

When I want something, whether it be person, place, animal, thing, or even heavenly virtues, I want it now. I will do whatever it takes to achieve my goal morally and ethically, but anything less then the speed of light is just not good enough. Then Jesus steps in and reminds me EVERYTHING is in His time, not mine. As much as I like to think I can control my environment, I can't. Searching the Volumes for some heavenly wisdom, I found the following regarding patience.

Volume One, Thoughts on Spirituality, Jesus

"My little chosen souls of this day have a hard time with both suffering and patience. Remember, My time is perfect. If we were to change over and do things according to your desires, it would not be My plan but yours. Remember how your life felt without Me, little soul, and renew your pledge to serve Me, not yourself. My time is perfect. All will occur as it should, but I need souls to convert and be faithful now."

I am a recovering control freak. I admit it openly. And, as with all those recovering from some form of addiction, it takes time to heal. Remember Jesus has an abundance of patience and welcomes us with open arms any time.

Thank you, Lord, for all the hiccups you have placed in my life. I am a slow learner when it comes to patience, but my eyes are finally opening.

God bless,

Bonnie

December 1st Monthly Message from Jesus through Anne, a lay apostle

"Dear apostles, it is with hope that I come to you today, speaking these words to your heart. I am hoping that the plans I have for your life will come to fruition. Do I require that you be powerful? Important? Do I need you to be people of great wealth or great influence in the eyes of the world? Will My plan be threatened by your imperfection or your difficulty maintaining holiness in every moment? Do I need only angels? Or do I need apostles of good will serving exactly where I have placed them? You were created to persevere and even flourish with limited understanding of all that is happening around you and through you. Yes, dear apostles, I am filled with hope. I am hoping that you accept My love. I am hoping that you allow Me to bring you healing, daily. I am hoping that through you I can love and heal others whom you will encounter in your daily experience. I bring you so many gifts of knowing Me, both directly and indirectly. Sometimes, I bring these gifts directly into your soul. Sometimes I send these gifts to you through the soul of another. I am saying that sometimes you will be the recipient of My gifts and sometimes you will be the one delivering My gifts. We are so united, you and I. We are together now and when you are finished on earth you will understand how closely I worked with you. You will be so happy when you understand the extent to which I blessed others through you. Dear friends, I come at Christmas as an infant in a manger and you rejoice. Truly, understand, that each time you cooperate with Me in your day, you are bringing Me into the world. When you see how others were blessed through your fidelity, you will understand the fullness of rejoicing. Yes, today, your Infant King comes to you with heavenly hope. Beloved apostles, I instruct you to bring this hope to others, regardless of the circumstances around you."

The task of bringing hope to others despite personal circumstances can be daunting. At times I think, 'What about me? What about my hope?' Thank Jesus within minutes of wallowing in my selfishness, I am reminded of how giving hope to others draws me closer to Him. The more I focus on loving others, the lighter my crosses feel. We live in an egocentric society. Today, let's make it a point to give someone love and hope with a kind gesture, a smile, a compliment. Let's shift the focus from what we want to what Jesus asks of us as lay apostles.

Thank you, Lord, for accepting all my imperfections. Grant me the ability to see what You see in others ready to provide hope at a moment's notice.

God bless,

Bonnie

Back on track

Tumultuous. This word best describes the last year of my life. Divorce, death of my beloved dog Disney, a new job, and news I was going to be a grandma for the first time (the best news ever!). Major life changes . . . bad and good. The words of Jesus in the Volumes and Monthly Messages provided comfort and the perseverance to stay focused on the most important thing . . . pleasing our Lord. The April 1, 2011 Monthly Message particularly gave me strength:

April 1, 2011

Jesus

"Dearest apostles, you are serving Me despite trials and temptations. That is why you are called apostles, because you follow Me and serve Me. No life is easy or without strife, and I know, dear apostles, that you experience your share of difficulty. These difficulties are important for you because through the suffering of them you gain mastery over yourself. When you conquer a difficulty, using the holiness you have received from Me, you become stronger spiritually and then when the next difficulty comes, you both view it differently and treat it differently. You view it as expected, because your experience tells you that in life in general, and service to Me specifically, will include these difficulties. You treat it differently because you know that I am with you today as I have been with you in the past. Additionally, you understand that all difficulty passes. What is it that remains, dear apostles, when the difficulty passes? Your commitment to Me remains and the work I will for you remains. You are not overcome and I need your help. And so we go on, Jesus and His apostles. The work continues and comfort and salvation are brought to God's children. Be at peace, dear friends. I am with you and I am factoring in your presence as I plan for the advancement of the Renewal."

Jesus understands our trials and temptations. He experienced it Himself on earth. He triumphed over evil, the same evil you and I face every day as followers of Christ. He knows our weaknesses and that we may fail once in a while. But, He promises He is by our side all the way, loving and forgiving us through thick and thin. Keep your eyes looking toward heaven, lay apostles, as it will make us stronger Christians, more compassionate, less judgmental, creating mastery over ourselves and how we behave.

Thank you, Lord, for continuing to love me despite my failures. Help me to remember Your Presence during my trials and temptations.

God bless,

Bonnie (future grammy of Connor!)

Heavy crosses

The cross of my mother's mental illness didn't lighten with her passing. It just got replaced. I really thought I paid my dues and life would be easier after her death. But, didn't Jesus pay the ultimate dues when He died for us? For me, Bonnie, in 2010? He knew what I needed to survive in the long run . . . the love, support, and kindness of three incredible young women, my daughters. I have many weaknesses, I admit it. And I know He has given me a huge gift. My daughters are all healthy, in love, successful in their chosen careers, and lovers of Jesus Christ. If everything were to fall apart around me, I know the four of us will still be standing, holding on tight to each other. This is what makes carrying some pretty heavy crosses easier. When the weight of a cross is almost more than I can bare, I get a phone call, an email, or a note on my Facebook page from one of my girls. Jesus is always ready to lighten my load when I ask. I just need to remember to ask Him before I'm on my knees.

Thank you, Lord, for knowing me so well and loving me so much. I promise to consult You in everything, as long as you remind me!

God bless,

Bonnie

Visit to Seattle lay apostle prayer group

My trip to Seattle last week included a “Meet and Greet” with the Everett, WA lay apostle prayer group. Richard, the group leader, invited my husband and I for a light meal and fellowship at his home. I had spoken to Richard several times on the phone, hearing his love for Christ and this apostolate radiate from his voice. It was no different in person. Prior to meeting with the group, I had been editing Heavenly Healing for the next printing with Jane Miller (DFOT). The section we were editing included the testimony of Yolanda T. from the state of Washington. I sent Yolanda an email asking how close she was to Seattle and invited her to join us at Richard’s. After several emails back and forth, we discovered that Yolanda attended the same church as Richard and had been wanting to join a lay apostle prayer group in her area. And, when I contacted Richard about Yolanda joining us, he knew exactly who she was and said she was one of his prayer warriors. Our Lord is at work here, uniting His lay apostles to climb the mountain together, picking up strength in each step we take.

“Consider a mountain. On that mountain is a path that has been marked out carefully for each of us by Jesus. Jesus is at the top. The world is at the bottom. If we get on that path and begin to climb, we will reach Jesus. We climb the mountain through our daily ‘yes’ to Jesus.” Climbing the Mountain, Page 5, Anne, a lay apostle

Thank you, Lord, for placing lay apostles in my life. With each person I meet, my love for You and Your mercy deepens more than I could have ever imagined.

God bless,

Bonnie

March for Life, Washington, DC 2010

There are two words that come to mind when I think about participating in the March for Life January 22, 2010 in Washington, D.C....humility and freedom. My oldest daughter Mallorie joined me in the march. She works and goes to grad school in D.C., close to the White House at The Institute of World Politics. With my fully stocked backpack (extra sweaters, a scarf, etc.), we headed for the metro, along with one of the interns, Pawel. The forecast was dreary...high in the 40's with a chance of rain. Not exactly the weather this Floridian wants to be exposed to. Determined not to be a whiner, and comfy with my Wellies on, I was ready to brave the elements.

As we approached the crowds, some young people were handing out signs to carry once the march had started. So, Pawel and I each took one. They were two sided. One side said, "Women Do Regret Abortion" and the other, "Men Regret Lost Fatherhood." Seeing so many young people was overwhelming. (I read recently there were over 400,000 people marching that day.) A large group of women carrying signs that read, "I Regret My Abortion" made a significant impact on me. The bravery to carry that sign, announcing to the world one of the worst choices you made in your life, was humbling. Yet, their faces beamed of Christ's love and forgiveness.

Mallorie had been asked to find a friend of the Institute, the Lepanto Foundation, who had traveled here from Rome, Italy to participate in the march. After searching through the massive crowds, we saw their banner and made our way over to them. A woman representing the Foundation, Virginia, greeted us with a big smile.

The march was very peaceful with some groups singing hymns and others chanting "Pro-Life." To be in the middle of it all is an experience I will never forget and will always make an effort to participate in every chance I get. (I just pray for the ability to withstand the cold!!). I felt I was among friends. And, I was so proud of Mallorie for her commitment to Christ and her faith. I just wish the media would have portrayed the march as it truly was - beaming with so many young people, old people, women, and men who care about saving lives.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the opportunity to experience what true humility feels like. I am forever grateful.

God bless,

Bonnie

Publication of Heavenly Healing

I am truly humbled with graces the Lord has so mercifully given to me despite mistakes I've made in this journey called life. As I sit today, contemplating something introspective to write, I find myself reflecting on my past. Immediately my thoughts turn to caring for my parents as each departed this earth, going Home to where they belong. At the time, my own wants and desires were on the back burner. But, it was MY choice to delay or even give thought to what I needed or aspired to in life. All I honestly cared about were: surviving each day with my sanity in check; hoping my daughters understood the importance of honoring mother and father; making sure each parent felt loved and cared for; and thankful that my sister Diane agreed to deal with vomiting as long as I dealt with bowel movements! Remembering the hard times makes where I am now seem almost...miraculous. I think if I would have known four years ago what my life would be like now, as an author, I wouldn't be as appreciative or humble as I feel now. But all my "adventures" that led up to this moment make sense. I wouldn't be who I am today were it not for the profuse craziness over the last 47 years. And for every person and every experience in the past, present and future, I thank the Lord for His abundant blessings. If He asked, I would do it all over again.

Thank you, Lord, for seeing my potential and making me live up to it on a daily basis.

God bless,

Bonnie

Another wedding!

December 19, 2009, my beautiful daughter Whitney married the love of her life, Kevin May. They have been together for six years and both finished grad school this past May, moving to Ft. Myers for employment. Which, I must say, is where I live! It has been such a joy to see the love they have for each other through thick and thin, especially over the last five months while living so close. I had the privilege of escorting my daughter down the aisle. The look on her face was enchanting. I could hardly take my eyes off her as we walked down the aisle to Ave Maria. When we began our walk to her future husband, I could see the look on his face from across the room. Sheer joy, excitement, and anticipation of marrying the woman he calls his MOO (my one and only!). As I kissed my daughter's cheek, telling her I loved her, my soon to be son-in-law came to take her hand. But before he escorted her off to a whole new life, he hugged me and said he loved me, and I him. I am thankful every day for the husbands God has sent for my two oldest daughters (of which both are named Kevin!). I couldn't have handpicked better men to love and cherish them. I pray every day for my youngest Taylor to have the same love as her sisters. And I think that young man has surfaced, both starting to fall in love. All I ask is a year off from weddings (my oldest got married last year!) and a college degree in her hand! But if he is the one, he is another man I would be proud to call my son-in-law! (Boy, I sure hope he doesn't read my blog! Taylor would shoot me!).

Thank you, Lord, for the beauty and love I see in my daughters' eyes and the eyes of the men they love. You are so good to me!

God bless,

Bonnie

Heavenly Healing

I can hardly believe Heavenly Healing is going to be a reality December 28th! The support I have received from DFOT, lay apostles and my family is humbling. One of the biggest blessings through all of this is my publisher, Jim Gilboy and CMJ Marian Publishers. Jim is one of the kindest, God-loving men I have ever met. I feel protected by him. How many authors can say that about their publisher? I know he has my best interest at heart. Thank you, Jim, for being placed directly in my life by Our Lord and Savior to publish this book of love and hope. Heavenly Healing can be pre-ordered on CMJ's website: cmjbooks.com.

With love,

Bonnie

Temptations

As much as I want to believe I can resist temptation through my faith and love of Jesus, I am only a weak human being. But Lucifer (a very devout Catholic man told me to never call him satan or the devil as Lucifer is his angelic name and he hates to hear it!) knows when we are vulnerable and seeks to distract us with temptation at any given moment. A few months ago, I found myself going down a path that would only lead to mortal sin. Although I kept praying the Rosary every day, going to daily Mass, and reading from the Volumes, my heart was being pulled in a different direction. Insecurities derived from my childhood were being fed a poisonous piece of chocolate cake. So, instead of praying for my own strength, I kept reminding Our Lord of how weak I was. I needed the mindset of others to change, be distracted away from me. I called in the assistance of my two favorite saints, St. Faustina and St. Therese of Lisieux. Slowly, circumstances began changing; attitudes were shifting; and relationships were morphing into positive friendships. I am in awe, to say the least, at the power of heaven's assistance in protecting us while climbing the mountain. They saved me from stumbling back to where I began, with my eyes blinded by the worldly view. Despite the few steps backward, I am charging full force up that mountain to heaven with the confidence knowing I have some pretty powerful Friends!

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to know the true power of prayer. You are so merciful.

God bless,

Bonnie

Yes, prayers can be answered...in God's time, not ours!

Please forgive me for the lack of blogging last month as I was in the middle of having my prayers answered! My middle daughter Whitney and her fiance Kevin finished their Master's degrees and were looking for employment. With all my daughters grown, in college, and even married, it has been quite lonely without them. They are my life, my joy and most of all, a precious gift from God. Whitney and Kevin talked about moving back to Ft. Myers but would go where the jobs were. I had been going to Eucharistic Adoration once a week and praying for a job to open up for them here, close to home (God willing). To make a long story short, my future son-in-law got a job offer...guess where? Ft. Myers!! God is so good to me! They will temporarily be living with us until they purchase a home. This is going to be a fun ride!

Thank you, Lord, for listening to my prayers and giving me the patience to wait for them to be answered.

God bless,

Bonnie