The Truth With Love

My sister Diane has been visiting for the last few days to help me sort through mementos lingering in my closets since the death of both parents in 2006 and 2007.  I have made several attempts over the years to discard unimportant items in the stacks of cards, letters, pictures and keepsakes to cut down the total volume of "stuff."  Dad lived a simple uncluttered life. Most of his memorabilia consists of photographs documenting his 77 years on this earth. My mother, on the other hand, well . . . let's just say she kept anything and everything. Among her keepsakes was a piece of paper with her breastfeeding schedule for Diane (not to give away age, but it was over 50 years ago!), a gazillion notes to herself, and recipes she copied from magazines but never cooked.  We have also discovered letters she never sent describing her life.  Beautiful poems she never shared with us while she was alive. The mother we knew was demanding, never satisfied, depressed, defensive, and stubborn.  She was also a woman of great faith and generosity when she was stable. From the outside, she seemed a chaotic mess to us.  However, reading slips of paper with her thoughts and poems shows a different side of her we wish she would have given us more of. A very loving woman who adored God, her daughters and grandchildren. I found this on a small 3 x 5 index card in a pile of random letters:


"My thoughts: A broken heart is not a broken mind (in defense of peoples minds wrongly interpreted)."


There are many other letters and poems to my sisters and me.  The woman writing beautiful words is the woman we all knew Mother could be. After much laughter and many tears these past few days, it solidified this for us: how we appear on the outside is not always how we feel on the inside. 

Todays Gospel (2 Timothy 2:8-15) reminds us to stop judging others and focus on our own actions:

If we have died with him we shall also live with him; if we persevere we shall also reign with him. But if we deny him he will deny us. If we are unfaithful he remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself.

Remind people of these things and charge them before God to stop disputing about words. This serves no useful purpose since it harms those who listen. Be eager to present yourself as acceptable to God, a workman who causes no disgrace, imparting the word of truth without deviation.

Mom struggled with not disputing anything in opposition to her feelings.  It was a constant battle.  In reflecting on all my mother's writings, she had been so wounded as a child and young adult, she never learned how to love herself let alone others. One thing is for sure, she loved God with all her heart and soul. But she didn't have the direction or guidance to look to Him for strength to express the truth so deeply tucked away for so long. It took 5 years after Mom's death to really get to know her.  I promise Mal, Whit and Tay, you will not have any questions after I'm gone. 


In Anne a lay apostle's book Serving in Clarity, she shows us truth is the way to Jesus:

“It can be difficult to speak the truth. It can be frightening. God will give us the courage we need, though, if we ask Him. God will not abandon us to the falseness of the world. When the world around us is proceeding in greater truth than falseness, we will know that God’s Kingdom comes.”

My mother withheld the truth of her past and who she really was until end of life, literally.  I suppose she felt if she revealed the brutalities she encountered as a child it would somehow cause us to think she was weak, even unloveable.  Maybe she thought we wouldn't believe the cruelty experienced was real just like the adults who didn't believe her when she was young.  Of course, we loved our mother dearly despite the drama. Lay apostles, if you struggle with something from your past, try to acknowledge the truth to loved ones. If not them, your priest  or someone you trust. I can only speak from my own experience, but finding the answers to a puzzle you have been trying to piece together your entire life is exhausting.  If I would have known what my mother went through at an earlier age, I believe I would have had more compassion during the rough times. Although I am very thankful the truth has been revealed, my heart hurts I didn't spend more time enjoying my mother before she died. So how do I soften this hurt?  By being the best mother (and grandma) I can possibly be. 


Thank you, Lord, for leading Diane and me to all the letters and poems we came across these past few days.  I think we are finally starting to understand Mother, and much more importantly, ourselves.


God bless,
Bonnie