It's easy to get caught up in noise. It's easy to try to predict reasons behind erratic behavior. Analyzing every possible scenario is exhausting. So why try? Well, it's just how my brain works. Luckily, I have learned that when my brain starts calculating worst case and best case scenarios, it's time to call in the Big Guy. My job is to love and be merciful, leading by example. And, set very clear boundaries.
Reminds me of an incident when my three girls were teenagers. It was around the time Ricky Martin was the big teen heartthrob. He had just opened a restaurant in Miami, so we decided it would be a fun day trip. (The girls were hoping they would get a glimpse of him, although it was highly unlikely). We were on the highway for about 20 minutes, when my oldest Mallorie was arguing with her youngest sister Taylor. The first "girls, stop the fighting" calmly escaped my lips. They quieted for about 5 minutes. Then, the bickering began again. Now my voice was a little louder. "Girls, if you argue one more time we are turning around and going home," I said (regretfully after I realized I would have to follow through with the threat!). "Noooooo, mom, we won't fight anymore. We promise!" I was actually pretty excited to visit the restaurant, too, so I hoped they would get along for the next hour. Mind you, my middle daughter Whitney stayed out of the conflict. After the first warning, she reiterated my words to her sisters. After the second warning, she was starting to get upset with them. We were about 10 miles from Alligator Alley and turning around wasn't an option for quite awhile. Then from the back seat, it happened. I can't remember who started it. "OK, no Ricky Martin today! You guys blew it!" Got off at the next exit and turned around with three girls crying and apologizing and begging for another chance, although they knew I almost always followed through with my threats (I did let some things slip once in a while!). The lesson is, stop the noise. I am completely aware teenagers = drama. But as adults, unacceptable behavior is just that . . . unacceptable. With clear boundaries intact, it takes a lot to disturb my peace anymore. I love unconditionally, with mercy, but won't hesitate to pull off the highway and head back home!
Reminds me of an incident when my three girls were teenagers. It was around the time Ricky Martin was the big teen heartthrob. He had just opened a restaurant in Miami, so we decided it would be a fun day trip. (The girls were hoping they would get a glimpse of him, although it was highly unlikely). We were on the highway for about 20 minutes, when my oldest Mallorie was arguing with her youngest sister Taylor. The first "girls, stop the fighting" calmly escaped my lips. They quieted for about 5 minutes. Then, the bickering began again. Now my voice was a little louder. "Girls, if you argue one more time we are turning around and going home," I said (regretfully after I realized I would have to follow through with the threat!). "Noooooo, mom, we won't fight anymore. We promise!" I was actually pretty excited to visit the restaurant, too, so I hoped they would get along for the next hour. Mind you, my middle daughter Whitney stayed out of the conflict. After the first warning, she reiterated my words to her sisters. After the second warning, she was starting to get upset with them. We were about 10 miles from Alligator Alley and turning around wasn't an option for quite awhile. Then from the back seat, it happened. I can't remember who started it. "OK, no Ricky Martin today! You guys blew it!" Got off at the next exit and turned around with three girls crying and apologizing and begging for another chance, although they knew I almost always followed through with my threats (I did let some things slip once in a while!). The lesson is, stop the noise. I am completely aware teenagers = drama. But as adults, unacceptable behavior is just that . . . unacceptable. With clear boundaries intact, it takes a lot to disturb my peace anymore. I love unconditionally, with mercy, but won't hesitate to pull off the highway and head back home!
In today's Gospel (Luke 6:36-38), Jesus talks about U-Turns:
"Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you."
In Anne's book Staying in Place, she reminds us of Our God's great mercy and patience:
"People tend to put their past sins in the front seat, blocking their spirituality. In truth, God understands more than anyone why that person committed the sins he or she committed. People might believe that a harsh God has turned away from them but it will never be true. And if human beings judged them for mistakes or for sins, people do not forget that and they believe God is the same. God waits patiently, up the road, pointing to a hope- filled future, waiting to be noticed as a merciful, loving and understanding force for healing and change."
Lay apostles, Jay has an analogy I love when things become chaotic. An American gentleman one day goes to India. He's meeting with an Indian executive on the first floor of a high rise building. Behind the executive is a large glass window through which he observes people outside the building spinning in circles. Finally, he interrupts the executive and asks what the people outside were doing. The executive explains it is part of a religious sect called the Whirling Dervishes. They whirl because it's part of their belief system. The American asked him "how do you deal with them whirling directly outside your building?" He responds, "I don't do anything. I leave them alone. Don't allow them to disturb me. I allow them to whirl because they are going to do it wherever they are." The moral of the story is even though some people choose to whirl, we can allow them to do so without getting caught up in their vortex of chaos. We can choose to detach with love and mercy. In doing so, we will obtain more clarity, peacefulness, and energy to do His Will.
Thank you, Lord, for getting me through the teenage years and now enjoying my adult daughters and grandchildren! So much easier being a grandparent!
God bless,
Bonnie
2 comments:
Hello Bonnie. I am a Pastor from Mumbai, India. I enjoyed your devotion on "Merciful" and specially your daughters and an Indian examples which are so fitting. I am truly blessed by your post not only that but I am blessed and feel privileged and honored to get connected with you as well as know you as a Lay Apostle. I love getting connected with the people of God around the globe to be encouaged, strengthened and praying for one another. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 37 yrs in this great city of Mumbai a city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reachout to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ tobring healing to the brokenhearted. We also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have your three daughters come to Mumbai with their friends to work with us during their vacation time. I am sure they will have a life changing experience. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. looking forward to hear from you very soon. God's richest blessings on you, your family and friends and also wishing you a blessed and a Christ centered rest of the year 2017.
Hi Diwakar!
Thank you so much for your beautiful comment! I am honored you took the time to read my blog post. In regard to my daughters, they are now grown up and two of them married with children! This story I wrote about was from a memory about 15 years ago! I will publish your comment and pray anyone looking for mission work will contact you! God bless and please stay in touch. I will be praying for you, your family and the people of Mumbai.
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