Gospel Thoughts Today: Wishy Washy Emotions

Wishy-washy emotions. Ugh. Luckily for those interacting with me, I can handle wishy-washy emotions and reactions. A mother with Bipolar Disorder taught me (at a very young age) to understand the climate can change quicker than the blink of an eye. I try, to the best of my ability, staying evenly keeled. My love doesn't change from one day to the next. But I'm pretty lucky. My experience growing up and throughout most of my adulthood gave me a high tolerance for bad behavior. Since becoming a lay apostle, I have become calmer . . . more peaceful. My commitment to this apostolate has not wavered one bit. Jesus has led me here, at this time, in this place. I have seen a few lay apostles be led astray by false accusations. Wishy-washy emotions. After reading today's Gospel (Luke 4:14-22), where everyone thought Jesus was amazing, I find it hard to believe soon after they crucified Him. Do you think wishy-washy emotions are caused by fear of the unknown? Fear of death to self? Fear of showing your weaknesses? Or, fear of admitting you are imperfect? Stand strong, lay apostles. Read the Gospel below and stand up for Jesus:

Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news of him spread throughout the whole region.  He taught in their synagogues and was praised by all.

He came to Nazareth, where he had grown up, and went according to his custom into the synagogue on the sabbath day.  He stood up to read and was handed a scroll of the prophet Isaiah.  He unrolled the scroll and found the passage where it was written: The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring glad tidings to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord.

Rolling up the scroll, he handed it back to the attendant and sat down, and the eyes of all in the synagogue looked intently at him.  He said to them, “Today this Scripture passage is fulfilled in your hearing.”  And all spoke highly of him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from his mouth.

In Volume Four, Jesus the King shows us how to remain calm and steady:

"If I am at all welcomed by you, I reside within you. But I am also beside you. I am in every conversation where someone asks Me to participate. Do you want to know how to please Me? Allow Me to speak through you. Allow Me to act through you. Allow Me to love through you. You have noticed changes since you began to follow Me with decision. You have noticed that as the world attempts to pull you away from peace, I draw you back to peace. You have noticed that is easier to love those around you. You have noticed more patience, more joy, and a deeper contemplation of the world as I see it. Now, little souls, I want you to begin practicing something different. I want you to calmly bring Me with you in everything you do and everything you say. In each part of each day, understand that I, the King of heaven and earth, am working through you."

Lay apostles, if you are one of those people who love one day and are disinterested the next, stop and implement Jesus' words above. Love Him unconditionally.  Love Him no matter what happens in your life. When you do this, loving others becomes easier. I know how much His words have changed me. I promise, if you listen to Him, they will change you.

Thank you, Lord, for opening my ears and eyes to this apostolate. I will continue to pray and show tolerance for those whose emotions fluctuate on a day to day basis.

God bless,
Bonnie

Wishy Washy Emotions

Wishy washy emotions. Ugh. Luckily for those interacting with me, I can handle wishy washy emotions and reactions. A mother with Bipolar Disorder taught me (at a very young age) to understand the climate can change quicker than the blink of an eye. I try, to the best of my ability, to stay evenly keeled. My love doesn't change from one day to the next. But I'm pretty lucky. My experience growing up and throughout most of my adulthood gave me a high tolerance for bad behavior. Since becoming a lay apostle, I have become calmer . . . more peaceful. Especially over the past two years. My commitment to this apostolate has not wavered one bit. Jesus has lead me here, in this time, in this place. I have seen a few lay apostles be led astray by false accusations. Wishy washy emotions. After reading todays Gospel (Luke 4:14-22), where everyone thought Jesus was amazing, I find it hard to believe soon after they crucified Him. Do you think wishy washy emotions are caused by fear of the unknown? The fear of death to self? The fear of showing your weaknesses? Stand strong, lay apostles. Read the Gospel below and stand up for Jesus:

Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news of him spread throughout the whole region.  He taught in their synagogues and was praised by all.

He came to Nazareth, where he had grown up, and went according to his custom into the synagogue on the sabbath day.  He stood up to read and was handed a scroll of the prophet Isaiah.  He unrolled the scroll and found the passage where it was written: The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring glad tidings to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord.

Rolling up the scroll, he handed it back to the attendant and sat down, and the eyes of all in the synagogue looked intently at him.  He said to them, “Today this Scripture passage is fulfilled in your hearing.”  And all spoke highly of him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from his mouth.

In Volume Four, Jesus the King shows us how remain calm and steady:

"If I am at all welcomed by you, I reside within you. But I am also beside you. I am in every conversation where someone asks Me to participate. Do you want to know how to please Me? Allow Me to speak through you. Allow Me to act through you. Allow Me to love through you. You have noticed changes since you began to follow Me with decision. You have noticed that as the world attempts to pull you away from peace, I draw you back to peace. You have noticed that is easier to love those around you. You have noticed more patience, more joy, and a deeper contemplation of the world as I see it. Now, little souls, I want you to begin practicing something different. I want you to calmly bring Me with you in everything you do and everything you say. In each part of each day, understand that I, the King of heaven and earth, am working through you."

Lay apostles, if you are one of those people who love one day and are disinterested the next, stop and implement Jesus' words above. Love Him unconditionally.  Love Him no matter what happens in your life. When you do this, loving others on this earth becomes so easy. I know how much His words have changed me. I promise, if you listen to Him, they will change yours. 

Thank you, Lord, for opening my ears and eyes to this apostolate. I will continue to pray and show tolerance for those whose emotions fluctuate on a day to day basis.

God bless,

Bonnie

Promises Are Promises

Promises in the Bible were taken very seriously by my mother.  Especially this one (from James1:27): Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained by the world.  Mom always took refuge in that verse as she and her brothers were orphaned by their mother at a very young age.  And, a year after their mother disappeared, they were taken away from their father and actually put in an orphanage.  You can imagine the comfort this verse provided through the years after such a traumatic childhood.  Today's responsorial psalm (Psalm 68:6 Father of the fatherless, defender of widows . . .) brought back memories of Mom quoting this verse quite often.  And, made me smile remembering what she said after my father passed away. She had no doubt she was going straight to heaven because of her suffering as a child.  But when Dad died, well, she was now an orphan and a widow.  Doubly protected.  After all, promises are promises, right?  Despite her lifelong fight with mental illness, her faith reigned supreme to the end. 

The Gospel today (John 16:29-33) shows Jesus speaking to His disciples of promises:

The disciples said to Jesus, "Now you are talking plainly, and not in any figure of speech. Now we realize that you know everything and that you do not need to have anyone question you. Because of this we believe that you came from God." Jesus answered them, "Do you believe now? Behold, the hour is coming and has arrived when each of you will be scattered to his own home and you will leave me alone. But I am not alone, because the Father is with me. I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world."


Lay apostles, Jesus tells us to take courage.  So why wouldn't we?  We say we are Christians which means we believe in the promises of Christ.  We must be courageous while we wait in exile here on earth.  Jesus speaks of the trouble the world will surely bestow upon us.  We are to expect it and not get derailed.  This is not an easy request but with His help, and His promises, we can continue climbing the mountain of holiness toward heaven. 

In the December 2009 Monthly Message, Jesus clarifies His promises:

“I promise you that I will be with you and that the outcomes occurring around you will be consistent with My will. I cannot promise you that in your humanity you will always rejoice in My will, especially when there is pain. But I can promise you that the greatest amount of mercy will be obtained through your commitment to remaining with Me, united in the life that is yours. All is well. I am with you.”

And, in the July 2007 Monthly Message:

"Think often on the promises I have made to you. I have said I will never leave you. I have said I will protect My interests in your soul. I have said I will pursue conversion of your loved ones. During this time, I want each apostle to consider these promises. Serve Me in steadiness, of course, but also, serve Me in peace. Dear apostles, you are connected to Me. You accept My love. You know that just as I cherish you, I cherish all others. My dear friends, please live these truths because others are looking to you for example. Please. Give an example of joyful trust. I need this from you so that I can draw hurting souls back to Me. I am with you. I will help you to do this."

As my mother fully believed in the promises of Christ, I too believe.  I see His promises coming to fruition at times right before my own eyes.  Rely on Him to do what He promises. Who else can you trust more than Jesus?

Thank you, Lord, for Your promises to me and all Your children.  Help me to continue to believe with all my heart and soul in those promises, never doubting Your Will.  

God bless,

Bonnie

Long Long Way From Home

Anyone who knows me well will testify I'm a huge Foreigner fan.  When I was sixteen and living in southern California, my parents allowed me to drive from Ventura to Los Angeles with some friends to see them in concert.  It was their Double Vision tour in 1978 and the first concert I had ever been to.  I knew every word to every song.  Foreigner was my escape music.  When my mother was either very manic or severely depressed, no doubt you would hear Foreigner's Long Long Way From Home blaring behind my locked bedroom door.

At a recent Foreigner concert (only one original member remains, Mick Jones), my friend Karen and I had amazing second row seats while my daughter and her husband sat in the row behind.  As they were leaving the stage after the final song, the guitar players were throwing picks out into the audience and the drummer his drumsticks.   I was so excited to catch one of the drumsticks!  As soon as I grabbed it, a young girl next to me tried to grab it out of my hands!  I just looked at her and shook my head no.  As soon as she let go, the older woman on my other side grabbed it!  I calmly smiled at her and shook my head no, again.  This was my all time favorite band and I wasn't about to let it go!  How old am I?

Standing up for our belief in Jesus is kind of like my Foreigner drumstick.  Worth fighting for.  Actually, Jesus is worth dying for.  And the three men in today's first reading (Dn 3:14-20, 91-91, 95) refused to worship any other god except their own God.  Their faith so strong they were willing to die before they would ever renounce their Maker:

King Nebuchadnezzar's face became livid with utter rage against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He ordered the furnace to be heated seven times more than usual and had some of the strongest men in his army bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and cast them into the white-hot furnace.

Nebuchadnezzar rose in haste and asked his nobles, "Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?" "Assuredly, O king," they answered. "But," he replied, "I see four men unfettered and unhurt, walking in the fire, and the fourth looks like a son of God." Nebuchadnezzar exclaimed, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who sent his angel to deliver the servants who trusted in him; they disobeyed the royal command and yielded their bodies rather than serve or worship any god except their own God."

We are in an age of disobedience to God. Just turn on the news or read about the government trying to take away our religious freedom.  Read about the HHS mandate (www.stopHHS.com).  Christians, put God first!  Live by His rules only. Not by what makes your life easier or what you think you deserve!  Stand up for Christ who died for us!  Why is this concept so hard to understand?  Standing up for Christ may not always be politically correct, but He is worth any ridicule or threat.

In Volume Two, the Eucharistic Heart of Jesus, our Lord explains loyalty to Him in a very clear manner:

"My will for you includes peace, and peace will settle upon you as you begin to follow Me. My child, I have many enemies and few friends. May I call you My friend? Will you stand by Me during these days of disobedience? Please, join your heart to My heart and join your will to My will. Together We can save souls. My gratitude flows out to you and you will never understand the power of a grateful God. Truly, I am a slave to My children who serve Me, despite difficulty and ridicule. If I were dragging My cross through your town, surrounded by angry mobs, would you watch from a safe distance? Or would you stand with Me, taking a share of the weight of that cross? My child, do not fear if you answered from weakness. If you come to Me and let Me change you, I can make of you the most loyal and courageous servant."

Lay apostles, today, choose Christ.  Stand up for Him despite adversity.  For truly our salvation depends on Him and Him alone.  Put your trust in Him. Stick with your core convictions even when challenged.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the courage to fight for You, regardless.  I know I am a Long Long Way From Home, but with You, I can endure any trial.

God bless,

Bonnie

All that Sparkles

My mother loved anything shiny or sparkly.  Even now, five years after her death, when I see sweaters or shirts or purses decorated with sequins, I think of Mom.  Wearing these items made her feel special; made her feel she stood out in an otherwise drab existence. I could tell her how beautiful she was until I was blue in the face and she still wouldn't believe me.  But an outsider complimenting her? She glowed as if a movie star. She didn't see the beauty I saw in her blue-gray-green eyes and in her pierced heart. I saw past the mental illness and loved her more than she ever knew. We must learn to trust the love of our families, those closest to us. Just as we must trust in God and the love He has for all His children.

In today's Gospel (John 5:31-47), Jesus said to the Jews:

The works that the Father gave me to accomplish, these works that I perform testify on my behalf that the Father has sent me. Moreover, the Father who sent me has testified on my behalf.  But you have never heard his voice nor seen his form, and you do not have his word remaining in you, because you do not believe in the one whom he has sent.  You search the Scriptures, because you think you have eternal life through them; even they testify on my behalf.  But you do not want to come to me to have life.


I do not accept human praise; moreover, I know that you do not have the love of God in you.  I came in the name of my Father, but you do not accept me; yet if another comes in his own name, you will accept him.  How can you believe, when you accept praise from one another and do not seek the praise that comes from the only God?


The glitz and glamour we see on TV and in magazines is just that, shiny and sparkly.  People admire and believe in what celebrities say and do. Why is it so easy to deceive ourselves into thinking bad behavior and lack of faith is attractive?  It's not!  Lay apostles, don't be deceived.  If you are envious of relationships you see on TV, turn it off.  If you wish you could wear those beautiful sparkly gowns on the red carpet, don't buy the magazine.  Instead, do some spiritual reading.  There are so many inspiring books available at our fingertips.  No Turning Back by Fr. Donnie Calloway, Rediscover Catholicism by Matthew Kelly or Left to Tell by Immaculee Ilibagiza are a few of the most inspiring books I have ever read.  Look toward Christ.  He will not lead you astray.

In the May 2007 Monthly Message, Jesus guides us to closer union with Him:

“. . . My beloved apostle, please be disciplined about your time with Me in each day. I do not want you to be distracted. I do not want the world to take your hope from you. If you do not spend time with Me, you are vulnerable to the fears sowed by the enemy of hope. I rely on my beloved ones. In them I find rest and solace. You see, dear apostle, if I can change you and fill you with My great spiritual blessings, I can change others. Is there even one life that you can say you affected by your faith in Me and by My presence in you? Do not limit My plan in your mind. My plan is vast and it is working. Be joyful today as I am joyful. Hope in Me, dear one, as I hope in you. Trust in Me as I trust in you. Be with Me as I long to be with you and together we will fill the world with hope, drawing many wounded souls back into our family of love.”

My Lenten journey of solitude has brought peace and calm during this time of reflection.  The more I silence everything around me, the closer I become with our Savior.  Today, turn off the radio in your car or DVR your favorite show to watch later, spending quiet time with the Lord. You won't regret a second of it!

Thank you, Lord, for this time of solitude.  It is becoming my way of life, and I am so thankful the sparkles are disappearing.

God bless,

Bonnie

Relinquish Grudges and Bitterness

I have a high tolerance for bad behavior.  It developed at a very young age.  Listening to my mother's hurtful words when she was not taking her medication (for bipolar disorder) could stab me right in the heart.  Each bitter word contributed to the thick skin I walk around with today.  And, each bitter word taught me to love deeper and dismiss ugly behavior.  But, my high tolerance can be difficult for those around me.  They see me treated unfairly, and assume I am letting people walk all over me by continuing to care. Nothing could be further from the truth.  I get offended.  I get hurt.  Rather than being upset and holding a grudge, I forgive.  The closer I get to Christ, the more fine tuned my capacity to love against all odds.

Today's Gospel (Mt 18:21-35) made me smile.  This is my favorite part:

Peter approached Jesus and asked him,

"Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.

Every time I read this, I always wonder how Peter came up with the number seven! Can you imagine his face when Jesus said seventy-seven?  Not what he wanted to hear, but what he needed to learn.

In Anne a lay apostle’s book, Climbing the Mountain, she affirms the value of forgiveness:

“Anger and bitterness are not fruits of the true Spirit and do nothing to persuade others that you are rooted in the King of Peace. Love of God is quiet and sure. Those who love God seldom shout others down. It is partially for this reason that evil has flourished in this time as those who represent satan speak loudly and boisterously. They do not listen. They do not judiciously weigh the truth of statements. Rather they seek ways to pierce truth in order to flow falseness through it, thereby blending the two and confusing the faithful. The faithful must learn to conduct themselves with all calm in this time. We have the Kingdom of God in our souls, at our constant beckoning. We need look no further for answers than within. If we do not have the words on our tongue, then we must ask for the Spirit to speak through us and He will do so.”

Letting go of bitterness and hurt is not easy.  It's always a struggle in extreme cases. Today, take a look inside and see if you are holding a grudge against anyone.  Pray about the situation and then make a phone call, send a text or email.  Forgive or ask for forgiveness.  Whether it be a loved one, friend or co-worker, show them the beauty of God's love and mercy. Remember, even the worst of the worst are children of the Father. His Love is unconditional.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with my beautiful mother on earth.  I am more grateful to her now than she ever could have imagined when she was alive.  

God bless,

Bonnie

Trust issues

I am a recovering trust issues addict.  Basically, there are very few people I trust.  My young life had its challenges which created an ultra sensitive awareness of imbalance. I immediately begin assessing body language, eye movements, and tone of voice in every person I meet. It's just how my mind works.  I can determine my trust level within minutes.  With my mother's bipolar disorder, there was a fine line between mania and depression.  Saying or doing the wrong thing could send her over the edge.  Hence my keen sense of mood and behavior.  Can you see where I went wrong and why I am a recovering trust issues addict?  I was placing all my trust in people.

In today's first reading (Jer 17:5-10), the Lord tells us who to trust:

“Cursed is the man who trusts in human beings, who seeks his strength in flesh, whose heart turns away from the LORD. He is like a barren bush in the desert that enjoys no change of season, but stands in a lava waste, a salt and empty earth. Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose hope is the LORD. He is like a tree planted beside the waters that stretches out its roots to the stream:

It fears not the heat when it comes, its leaves stay green; In the year of drought it shows no distress, but still bears fruit. More tortuous than all else is the human heart, beyond remedy; who can understand it? I, the LORD, alone probe the mind and test the heart, to reward everyone according to his ways, according to the merit of his deeds.”

Let me tell you, when you trust in Him, you become much more compassionate to those who let you down.  You learn to see human frailty and understand others are doing the best they can with what they have and know.  And, you learn to take a look inside to see where you have failed others.  When you become illuminated with the Truth, the world looks quite different than it did before.

In the March 2009 Monthly Message, Jesus reiterates where our trust should be placed:

“. . . You have come to trust My loving compassion, My forgiveness and My uninterrupted affection. That is because you have come to know Me. If others do not know Me as well as you do, they will trust Me less. If they trust Me less, they will experience fear and this will cause them difficulty which moves out from the fear to greater and greater pain. If My apostles will accept that fear of being unloved is the source of great pain for others, My apostles will view the mistakes of others with compassion, as I do. Yes, the pain of humanity can only be remedied by loving compassion. This is why you are sent out by Me. You move into the world with heaven’s healing compassion. My apostles, perhaps you do not feel this compassion from others. Perhaps you feel that you are in need of compassion and find only condemnation. I make two remarks about this. One, please be willing to ask for understanding from other holy apostles and then accept what they offer to you in humility. Next, ask Me if I am judging you. Ask Me if I view you harshly. You know that I do not. I am pleased with whatever you offer Me in terms of fidelity and service. I am pleased with whatever you give to Me in terms of prayer and silence. I work so well in your little soul when you allow Me. I feel the greatest compassion for you. I am happy with your efforts to be holy and to love those around you. I rejoice in you. I rejoice in your commitment to Me. I urge you today in the most serious way to trust Me and trust in My plan for you.”

Trust in God completely and it will rock your world.  Don't beat yourself up when you fail at trusting Him once in a while.  Like me, recovering takes time.  Time He patiently waits for everyone of His children.

God bless,

Bonnie

Judgement

I could never do anything right.  I was never good enough.  It seemed the harder I tried, the more critical she became.  The more she was out of control, the harsher her words. My mother suffered from bipolar disorder most of her 80 years on this earth.  I swore, when I was pregnant with my first daughter, I would stop the cycle of dysfunctional behavior and be the best mother I could be.  And I did.  But, what happened was I became so critical of myself, placing the same high expectations I tried to live up to on those around me.  And when others couldn't live up to my expectations, I judged.  Back then, I wouldn't have called it judging. Maybe caring too much for normalcy? It was critical to my well-being my loved ones felt confident, successful, and loved.  If I was passionate about something, there was no changing my mind.  I was right and would fight to prove it.  I know I hurt people along the way with my stubbornness, and only by the grace of God did my daughters mature into confident, successful, loving women.  And, despite my strictness and high expectations when they were growing up, they still love me!  The older I get, the more I see how we are all a product of our environment.  But, remember, our way of doing things and what we think is right does not always mean others are wrong. It is ok to judge an action, but never the person committing the act. I am thankful for my childhood because it made me who I am today. The compassion I developed through life with Mother continues today in my personal life and in my career as a Registered Nurse.  I loved my mother very much (she passed away 5 years ago) and thankful God chose me to be one of her daughters.

In today's Gospel, Jesus speaks point blank about judging others:

“Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court. Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny." Mt 5: 23-26

In Heaven Speaks to Soldiers (see link on the right), St. Augustine provides why we should leave the judging up to God:

“Do not judge others. Why would you judge when you have Jesus alongside you to do that? It would be like thinking you can do a better job than God and I know you do not think like this. So let Jesus judge and do the best you can to bring Him into each situation. My dear friend, my fellow apostle, Jesus knows you do not want to hurt others.”

I have come a long way from the days of comparing others to the high expectations I place on myself.  My journey in climbing the mountain to heaven is different than every other person on the face of this earth.  Focus on your own path, and let others figure out their journey at their own pace.  

Thank you, Lord, for understanding my humanness and the temptation to be quick to judge.  Help me focus on my own journey always! I am so blessed you have chosen me to be part of Your Renewal!

God bless,

Bonnie