Last night as I watched President Trump triumphantly breeze through the disrespect shown him from hateful "reporters," my initial thought was to deck the blond woman from CNN, pin her down, and make her apologize to the President! Of course, I would never do that . . . but such hatred coming out of our media these days makes it challenging to forgive and detach from those spewing such negativity.
There are just some things hard to let go of at times . . . past hurts, ego, mistakes made, traumatic events. When I read the Gospel today, I started thinking about the depth of the wounds now healing in my heart. Instead of holding on to anger, pride or mistrust, through Christ, I can look past offenders to the fact I have been the offender periodically in my lifetime. I know I have never done anything mean intentionally (well, maybe when I was young and my little sister wouldn't give me my Barbie back!). But if I have hurt someone, especially someone I love, I want them to forgive me, not hold on to the hurt for years as we all have seen, heard of or experienced in families. Instead of holding on to the unpleasant memories, I try to view them as imperfect people making imperfect decisions . . . myself included. And that is my prayer when they think of me. Placing Christ in the forefront, I have better clarity gazing through His Eyes.
In today's Gospel (John 20:11-18), Jesus tells us to let go of earthly attachments:
Mary Magdalene stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the Body of Jesus had been. And they said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him." When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?" She thought it was the gardener and said to him, "Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him." Jesus said to her, "Mary!" She turned and said to him in Hebrew, "Rabbouni," which means Teacher. Jesus said to her, "Stop holding on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, 'I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'" Mary went and announced to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord," and then reported what he had told her.
Today on our bi-weekly conference call with Fr. Darragh and Apostles of the Returning King (ARK), Father read this quote from Volume Seven, St. Gertrude that resonates in my journey toward heaven:
Dear brothers and sisters, how brave you are to read these words with faith. There must be a great push now for detachment. Try to concentrate on heavenly thoughts and heavenly goals, even while you remain in the world. In this way you will detach from the world more effectively and you will see the fruits of these words in your soul. Words are simply words, as you know, until they begin to impact behaviors and habits and, of course, souls. If you ingest these words quietly, they will take root in your souls and all manner of beautiful and exotic blooms will begin to form. The graces are there, my friends. Heaven needs only a willing spirit who will put herself in silence so that these graces can take root. Do not let these graces be wasted. Sometimes souls take the graces and admire their beauty. They correctly assess the worth of these heavenly gifts. But it is one thing to admire the work of a beautiful blanket or quilt. It is another to wrap yourself in it and allow it to warm you, which is its true function.
The true function of these words and their accompanying graces is growth. We want to facilitate change in your souls. Your souls must stretch now and to do that you must minimize the attention you pay to the world and maximize the attention you pay to your faith. Jesus is with you, awaiting your notice so that He can take your hand and begin a walk of union with you. Do not hold back from Him because you limit Him when you do. Give Him everything. Ask Him all throughout the day what you can do for Him. Do this fearlessly, understanding that if He gives you something to do, He will give you every grace necessary to do it. You need fear nothing, little souls. I have the greatest of love and understanding for you, as do we all. We repeat that so you will be reminded and remember to call upon us in your moments of difficulty or fear. Many things can cause fear but usually if you are aligned with Jesus your fears are easily managed. You will know when you are neglecting your prayers, my friends, because fears will begin to creep back into your minds. When I felt fear I began to praise God. In this way I turned the fear into a prayer and trained myself to allow Jesus to eradicate my fears. He always did. Again I say you should ask for the graces as the graces are there. You should not feel that you cannot experience the joy of Jesus because you are afraid. That would tell you that something is wrong and quite possibly you must simply pray more. We speak in simple words because heaven never seeks to confuse. Confusion does not come from heaven so you understand that it comes from the enemy of heaven. Confusion, like fear, is a symptom of the enemy’s presence. Expect to struggle with these little crosses at times and you will not be alarmed or pay too much attention. When you find the cross of confusion or fear becoming heavy or quite noticeable, flee to your duty and wrap yourself in prayer. We all carried those crosses, dear friends. We understand and will help you. Suffering from these things does not mean you do not serve Christ well. On the contrary, it would be a nice thing to walk in blissful peace at all times but if you are a follower of Christ this will not be your experience, believe me. I say this with a light heart because we in heaven are so joyful at the beautiful and brave way that we accepted such crosses. It is like running a race against yourself and winning. We look back and say, “That fear could have distracted me from serving Christ but I kept my eyes on Christ and did not let it. Good for me.” You will say this too and you too will be joyful at what you accomplish.
Lay apostles, what past sins or hurts or opinions are you holding on to? First, ask yourself WHY you are holding on to them. When you figure out the WHY, contemplate where Jesus fits into the equation. There is a wonderful little book called Thoughtful Men and Women of God: A Guide to Contemplative Prayer to assist you in the healing process. It is time well spent with Our Lord. Give it a try. It's time to stop holding on and begin living your life for Christ!
Thank you, Lord, for the ability to heal the wounds acquired over my lifetime.
God bless,
Bonnie
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