Trust issues

I am a recovering trust issues addict.  Basically, there are very few people I trust.  My young life had its challenges which created an ultra sensitive awareness of imbalance. I immediately begin assessing body language, eye movements, and tone of voice in every person I meet. It's just how my mind works.  I can determine my trust level within minutes.  With my mother's bipolar disorder, there was a fine line between mania and depression.  Saying or doing the wrong thing could send her over the edge.  Hence my keen sense of mood and behavior.  Can you see where I went wrong and why I am a recovering trust issues addict?  I was placing all my trust in people.

In today's first reading (Jer 17:5-10), the Lord tells us who to trust:

“Cursed is the man who trusts in human beings, who seeks his strength in flesh, whose heart turns away from the LORD. He is like a barren bush in the desert that enjoys no change of season, but stands in a lava waste, a salt and empty earth. Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose hope is the LORD. He is like a tree planted beside the waters that stretches out its roots to the stream:

It fears not the heat when it comes, its leaves stay green; In the year of drought it shows no distress, but still bears fruit. More tortuous than all else is the human heart, beyond remedy; who can understand it? I, the LORD, alone probe the mind and test the heart, to reward everyone according to his ways, according to the merit of his deeds.”

Let me tell you, when you trust in Him, you become much more compassionate to those who let you down.  You learn to see human frailty and understand others are doing the best they can with what they have and know.  And, you learn to take a look inside to see where you have failed others.  When you become illuminated with the Truth, the world looks quite different than it did before.

In the March 2009 Monthly Message, Jesus reiterates where our trust should be placed:

“. . . You have come to trust My loving compassion, My forgiveness and My uninterrupted affection. That is because you have come to know Me. If others do not know Me as well as you do, they will trust Me less. If they trust Me less, they will experience fear and this will cause them difficulty which moves out from the fear to greater and greater pain. If My apostles will accept that fear of being unloved is the source of great pain for others, My apostles will view the mistakes of others with compassion, as I do. Yes, the pain of humanity can only be remedied by loving compassion. This is why you are sent out by Me. You move into the world with heaven’s healing compassion. My apostles, perhaps you do not feel this compassion from others. Perhaps you feel that you are in need of compassion and find only condemnation. I make two remarks about this. One, please be willing to ask for understanding from other holy apostles and then accept what they offer to you in humility. Next, ask Me if I am judging you. Ask Me if I view you harshly. You know that I do not. I am pleased with whatever you offer Me in terms of fidelity and service. I am pleased with whatever you give to Me in terms of prayer and silence. I work so well in your little soul when you allow Me. I feel the greatest compassion for you. I am happy with your efforts to be holy and to love those around you. I rejoice in you. I rejoice in your commitment to Me. I urge you today in the most serious way to trust Me and trust in My plan for you.”

Trust in God completely and it will rock your world.  Don't beat yourself up when you fail at trusting Him once in a while.  Like me, recovering takes time.  Time He patiently waits for everyone of His children.

God bless,

Bonnie

One uppers

We all know a one upper, don't we?  The person who has done everything you have, just bigger, better, faster or smarter.  It was so bad for me one time, I literally wanted to say I had been bitten in half by a shark and they sewed me back together just to see her one up me!  But, I restrained myself and let her think she was clearly better.  Sometimes, we just need to keep our mouthes shut, right?  We are not better than anyone else.  One uppers struggle with low self esteem (whether they admit it or not) and need to feel they are important and worthwhile human beings. All of us have the need to feel we matter.  But as Christians, Jesus teaches us to be humble and serve; not proud and arrogant.

In today's Gospel (Mt 20: 25-28), Jesus gives His disciples a lesson in humility:

“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and the great ones make their authority over them felt. But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave. Just so, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."

If Jesus, the Son of Man, came here to serve and not be served, what makes anyone think they are better than Him?  He is our role model.  Follow Him.  Imitate Him.  Serve like Him.

In the February 2011 Monthly Message, Jesus clarifies the importance of our uniqueness:

“Truly, I know that there are times when you wonder why I have placed you where I have placed you. I hope, dear apostles, that these times are brief. I hope that you will spend less time wondering why you are serving in a given role and more time wondering how to serve more completely in the role given to you. You see, comparisons to others will never bear fruit. You are unique. The work I have for you is unique and you must beware of the habit of dragging your vocation behind you as though it were something so heavy that it destroyed your joy.”

Sometimes it's hard being a server 24/7.  Occasionally, we want to be taken care of.  As long as we "take" with a humble and thankful heart, turnaround service is a breeze!  Jesus knew His fate, yet He persevered in service to His disciples and the crowds.  Let's all perform some sort of service for anyone other than ourselves today.  I promise, the Son of Man will be smiling down upon you.  

Thank you, Lord, for showing me what true service to others looks like.  Please send me the graces to follow in Your footsteps and serve without ceasing.

God bless,

Bonnie

He ain't heavy, he's my brother!

Yesterday I felt I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  Do you ever have days like that?  With so many tasks requiring my time and effort (taxes being one of those tasks . . . causes palpitations just thinking about it!), I shut down and sat staring at my computer screen.  With a picture of Jesus Christ the Returning King staring back at me with such love, I couldn't help but ask Him for a little Divine Intervention.  (I love looking at this every morning!)

It was the end of the day, and felt I didn't accomplish much.  It would be easy to call one of my girls or sisters or friends to unload my burdens.  Grant it, there are times we just need to vent.  But, the burdens we carry are our crosses.  Why would we want to burden others with our heavy load?  Our focus should be to ease others of their burdens to the best of our ability.  Not weigh them down with ours.  So, indeed, Jesus jump started me into action distracting me away from tasks I could not accomplish at that moment.  I am becoming quite the Do It Yourself woman since becoming single.  I actually got my act together, went to Lowe's and got some carpet tape.  I was going to replace a patch of carpet in one of the bedrooms that my youngest spilled glue on in high school.  Long story short, after several attempts to cut an exact size out of the remnant carpet, I got it right!  And, by the grace of God, it looks darn good!  Got me out of my funk and revitalized. Who would have thought something that trivial would be the healing salve I needed to strap on my daily burdens again in the morning.  Isn't He amazing?

In today's Gospel (Mt 23:1-12), Jesus tells the crowds and His disciples about directing our focus on easing others burdens:

"The scribes and the Pharisees have taken their seat on the chair of Moses. Therefore, do and observe all things whatsoever they tell you, but do not follow their example. For they preach but they do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens hard to carry and lay them on people's shoulders, but they will not lift a finger to move them. All their works are performed to be seen.”

In the October 2005 Monthly Message from Jesus, He gives us a beautiful way to view our daily burdens:

“ . . . If you rise each day and pledge allegiance to God, you will begin that day with more thought of serving than being served. In this way, you look at your day as an opportunity to work for heaven and to work for heaven’s children, your brothers and sisters. This perspective sends you into the day as a servant. When  the day presents you with the inevitable opportunities to assist or console, or simply to be tolerant of your brothers or sisters, you do not view this as a burden, or an interruption in your entertainment and comfort, but as a request made to you directly from the Throne of your God. And fulfilling a request made to you by your God brings you joy. You serve heaven and we fulfill our part of the agreement by sending you joy. If all of God’s children were living this way, there would be great joy on earth and through this joy would come peace. But if even one of God’s children makes the commitment to serve as a beloved apostle, there is an increase of joy and an increase in peace. This is because an apostle does not become angry when he or she is inconvenienced. That apostle responds in calm trust when the world presents them with difficulty or even pain. There is no striking out at others. There is no rebelliousness. There is peace.”

I am not superwoman anymore.  The older I get, the more I realize my limits.  The world will go on if I don't post a blog entry one day.  And, missing one workout won't undo all I have achieved in health and fitness.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  And, always seek consolation from the Lord.  You never know where He will send you, but go there with optimism in service to Him.

Thank you, Lord, for consoling and refocusing me when I am heavily burdened.  I kind of like this DIY stuff!  I am open to whatever You send me!

God bless,

Bonnie

Love Your Enemies

I watched a movie Friday night called "The Way" with Martin Sheen.  It piqued my interest because it was about the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela (also known as The Way of St. James), an 800 km walk starting in St. Jean Pied de Port, France and finishing in Santiago de Compostela, Spain, at the Cathedral where legend says it houses the remains of the apostle St. James. I visited Santiago de Compostela years ago and after seeing this movie, I would love to be able to walk the entire 800 km on pilgrimage. Someday . . . I don't want to give away the movie, but Saturday's Gospel teaches us what the movie does . . . love your enemy as you never know why they act the way they do.  Remember, we have not walked in their shoes.

In Saturday's Gospel reading (Mt 5:43-48), Jesus is teaching one of the hardest lessons to adhere to.  But, one of the most important:

Jesus said to his disciples: "You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers and sisters only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same? So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect."

How can we love someone who is demeaning us?  By the grace of God.  How can we love someone choosing the evil one over Jesus?  By prayer.  Please realize there is great power in prayer.  I've seen it with my own eyes.  


In the February 2008 Monthly Message, Jesus shows us that loving our enemies will lead to greater holiness:

". . . Next, your service to the Kingdom has been used to bring light to other souls. Think for a moment. Is it not true that you have tried to treat others more like I treated others? Is it not true that there have been times when you returned love for hostility? Have you not discovered that you view even your enemies with greater compassion? Think dear apostles. Have you shared My merciful message with others? Have they benefited? Without your cooperation, this could not have happened. Yes, many have benefited because you have chosen to serve Me."

Thank you, Lord, for showing me, through this apostolate, the true value of loving and praying for my enemies.  I am forever changed.

God bless,

Bonnie

Judgement

I could never do anything right.  I was never good enough.  It seemed the harder I tried, the more critical she became.  The more she was out of control, the harsher her words. My mother suffered from bipolar disorder most of her 80 years on this earth.  I swore, when I was pregnant with my first daughter, I would stop the cycle of dysfunctional behavior and be the best mother I could be.  And I did.  But, what happened was I became so critical of myself, placing the same high expectations I tried to live up to on those around me.  And when others couldn't live up to my expectations, I judged.  Back then, I wouldn't have called it judging. Maybe caring too much for normalcy? It was critical to my well-being my loved ones felt confident, successful, and loved.  If I was passionate about something, there was no changing my mind.  I was right and would fight to prove it.  I know I hurt people along the way with my stubbornness, and only by the grace of God did my daughters mature into confident, successful, loving women.  And, despite my strictness and high expectations when they were growing up, they still love me!  The older I get, the more I see how we are all a product of our environment.  But, remember, our way of doing things and what we think is right does not always mean others are wrong. It is ok to judge an action, but never the person committing the act. I am thankful for my childhood because it made me who I am today. The compassion I developed through life with Mother continues today in my personal life and in my career as a Registered Nurse.  I loved my mother very much (she passed away 5 years ago) and thankful God chose me to be one of her daughters.

In today's Gospel, Jesus speaks point blank about judging others:

“Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court. Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny." Mt 5: 23-26

In Heaven Speaks to Soldiers (see link on the right), St. Augustine provides why we should leave the judging up to God:

“Do not judge others. Why would you judge when you have Jesus alongside you to do that? It would be like thinking you can do a better job than God and I know you do not think like this. So let Jesus judge and do the best you can to bring Him into each situation. My dear friend, my fellow apostle, Jesus knows you do not want to hurt others.”

I have come a long way from the days of comparing others to the high expectations I place on myself.  My journey in climbing the mountain to heaven is different than every other person on the face of this earth.  Focus on your own path, and let others figure out their journey at their own pace.  

Thank you, Lord, for understanding my humanness and the temptation to be quick to judge.  Help me focus on my own journey always! I am so blessed you have chosen me to be part of Your Renewal!

God bless,

Bonnie

March 1, 2012 Monthly Message

Jesus

“My dear apostles, you remain faithful to Me and I guide you through every change. Can it be said that the Lord devised a plan for you yesterday and again today but that the Lord will fail to make His plan for tomorrow known to you? Will I hide My needs from you? Will I abandon the work and the workers? You know that this will never happen. My friends desire a relationship with Me and truly I make Myself available to all who sincerely seek Me. And those who know Me, through a desire to know Me, understand that My ways do not always look the same as the ways of the world. Therefore, true followers must be alert to the desires of the Lord when events around them alter earthly plans. I am constructing an edifice of humility in the world. I am committed to My Church and it is My desire to bring an abundance of grace into the world through My Church. Dear apostles, do you see that this cannot be accomplished through the ways designed by humanity? Which human being can embrace the scope of change necessary to bring God's children into humility and into love for the Father? Only God can do this and only God understands the ways of both earth and heaven. It will always be a heavenly directed plan which brings individuals back to peace through holiness. Together, we are accomplishing this, person by person. I am pleased that our efforts are securing fruit, which we offer to the Father as evidence of a true desire for holiness in His children. Please, dear apostles, remain faithful to Me. Allow Me to direct your contribution and you will be blessed and consoled. Through your fidelity, others will also be blessed and consoled. When we are finished with your work on earth, you will come to Me in fullness and you will understand all that I accomplished through your willingness. I will not steer you into what is bad for you but into what is good for you. Continue on in trust and be grateful that I have chosen you to serve God's Renewal.”

What a great way to start the month of March!!!  Praise God!

Praying with purpose

In the Adoration chapel last week, I had a pretty specific list of prayer intentions to discuss with Jesus.  I was very clear in what I wanted and began my prayer with number one on my list.  After praying for others, I threw in a couple of my own wants.  I knew I was pushing it with a few of the requests.  But, I asked anyway.  Please remember, when prayers don't get answered or we don't "get" a specific request, the answer from Jesus is "no."  He knows what will bring us closer to Him and what will push us further away.  As much as we think we want or desire what we ask for, ultimately, it could lead to our demise.  Pray for what you need, not for what you want.

In today's Gospel (Mt 7: 7-12), Jesus enlightens His disciples about proper prayer:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asked for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asked for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.”

And, in the Monthly Message from Jesus November 2010:

“. . . My love for you will weather any strain or pain, any mistake or any emotional storm you experience. I will never leave you. I will always love you and welcome you in My heart. Your answers and your clarity will be found with Me. Sometimes, dear apostle, you fear that I am not giving you the answers you require. This is not true. If you need an answer from Me, you will receive it. If a course correction is necessary, I will direct you to it. Your prayers are instantly at home in My heart and I rejoice that you have come to Me with these requests. It is not possible that a beloved apostle will be rejected. Do not think that I ignore your pain or that your pain leaves Me indifferent. You, dear apostle, have shown Me that you are interested in My pain which will always involve the pain of humanity. This moves My heart to the greatest generosity. I answer your prayers in a mystical way. Some day you will see that I answered your prayers in the most beneficial way possible, given the intention."

Always ask Him for what you want and need.  Just be satisfied with His answers.  We may not understand His "no" now, but we will some day. Trust He knows what He's doing!

Thank you, Lord, for patience when my prayers aren't answered the way I desired them to be.  Help me to see Your heavenly view of my requests bringing peace to my heart.

God bless,

Bonnie

Spring cleaning

It's about that time of year again . . . dusting off the blinds which probably haven't been dusted in years.  Despite the fact I see the dust every day when I open the blinds, I still put off this tedious chore for another day.  It builds and builds until I can't ignore it any more.  And my windows are a whole other story!  I have so many of them! Looking through smudged glass eventually clouds my view of the beauty in my own backyard. Guess what I'll be doing this weekend!

Lent is a time for spring cleaning our souls.  We are all sinners.  But our God has great mercy and love for all His children.  In today's Responsorial Psalm (Ps 51:12-13) we say, "A heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn."  Lines 12-13 say, “A clean heart create for me, God; renew within me a steadfast spirit.  Do not drive me from before your face, nor take from me your holy spirit.” So, God can be a big softy when it comes to His children asking for forgiveness and repenting from their sins.  He only wants what is best for us as any father would want for his children.  As much as we may resist, His unconditional love will eventually lead us back to Him.


In Volume Two, Jesus speaks of "spring cleaning" our souls:


“I have come to cleanse souls. Much as a mother cleans her house, My child, I am cleaning and organizing your soul. If you have been away from Me, We must be busy. Events in your life, from your past, must be looked at now in a different way. This is an important task, and that is why I am spending time on it with you. Events can leave marks on your heart when you are not praying. Hence, My goal. To clean these marks and leave a heart that gives and receives love freely. When you pray, My child, I help you to sift through the experiences occurring in your life.”


I have a lot of cleaning to do.  I am so very thankful Jesus is lending me a hand!


Thank you, Lord, for guiding me in the cleansing of my soul.  Please help me get rid of every little speck of dirt so when I see You face to face, my soul is clean.


God bless,
Bonnie

Needless baggage

We all carry it.  Needless baggage . . . transgressions from our past to which we cling. Whether we've misbehaved or on the receiving end of some injustice, we hang on to the hurt without giving or receiving forgiveness.  In the Gospel today (Mt 6:7-15), Jesus teaches His disciples (and us) a valuable lesson on the importance of letting go of the baggage:

"If you forgive men their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions."

Pretty powerful words but very hard to do, right?  Things happen.  People screw up. Mistakes are made.  We are only human.  But, we can heed the words of Jesus above by seeing with His eyes, not our worldly eyes.

In Anne a lay apostle's book, Climbing the Mountain, she characterizes how the enemy obstructs our view:

“Compare the difference between working with Christ and working with the enemy. The enemy will tell us that it is not fair that we should have to clean our kitchens. He will sow seeds of discontent and bitterness. He will remind us of past hurts and try to reopen wounds that should be long healed. The enemy will show us the flaws in our lives and if we turn on the television, the enemy will show us how other souls are vacationing in small bathing suits, while we are covering stretch marks and sweeping floors again. The enemy will complain about our little ones and our husbands or wives, if we are lucky enough to live in an intact sacramental union that is not abusive. The devil will say that the families we serve do not appreciate us and on any given day this may be true. But we are walking with Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ appreciates us. It is important to walk with Christ in our day if only to reject the enemy. Jesus sees our courage as we accept the cross that is ours and carry it with Him. He sends additional courage when necessary and lets us cry with Him when we need to cry. He has all the time in the world and He cares for each one of us as though we were His only friend. He puts love in our hearts and courage in our souls. Love of Jesus puts us in His presence in everything and we live differently in His presence.”

Today, let's look at those around us, especially our loved ones, with the eyes of Christ. Pray for them. And, know Jesus will give us strength and courage to let go of needless baggage. We may only be able to let go one piece at a time, but if our eyes are on Jesus, we are headed in the right direction!

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me how to discard the habit of holding grudges.  With You, anything is possible!

God bless,

Bonnie

Refresh my soul, O Lord!

Have you ever been given news that throws you for a loop?  A complete surprise?  How we take the news is in our control.  We can either obsess with what this means for the future, causing panic, or, we can take it calmly knowing He is in charge of it all.  As strong as I like to think I am, I am human.  I can appear calm on the outside, but on the inside I'm a little sad, even scared sometimes.  Luckily, Jesus swoops in when I go there and reminds me He is by my side.  He will not let me go through anything alone.  I feel His love when I see my two pregnant daughters excited about the new life growing within; my youngest daughter sitting next to me in Mass safe and healthy; and in new babies He has brought into this world.  Keep the focus off of yourself, and everything becomes a breath of fresh air.

In Volume One, the Blessed Mother gives us a way to refresh our souls:

“Little child, heed His words. He speaks with such love and wisdom. You will not find this wisdom on the earth or from an earthly source. You will not find happiness on the earth or from an earthly source. Do you want to be happy? Are you tired of being sad, discouraged, and joyless? Come back to us now, in obedience, and we will minister to your fatigue and sadness. We will refresh you and after we have refreshed you and healed you, we will set about saving the world. You will not be alone any longer, little soul. We have complete forgiveness for you. Together we will step away, as we leave your past sins and failures behind. Take my hand little child of my heart, and your mother will lead you to every spiritual success. Truly, you will not even believe how we intend to change your life.”

Thank you, Lord, for calming me when I start to "go there."  And, for reminding me of the beauty you grace Your world with on a daily basis.

God bless,

Bonnie

Fasting for a humble self

Fasting requires great discipline.  Our minds tell us we are hungry.  Our bellies growl. Constant reminders we are denying ourselves.  It's really mind over matter.  Our minds are much more powerful than our bodies.  All we need is a little self-control, right?  But fasting isn't only about reducing the amount of food we eat.  There are many other forms of fasting we can choose when reducing our daily intake isn't possible (pregnant or nursing mothers, the sick, the frail, etc.).  For example, fasting from: judging others, worry, anger, bitterness, depressive thoughts, negativity, and self-concern, to name a few.  I'm sure I've left many other opportunities for fasting out.  Can you think of something you can fast from other than/or in addition to food? 


In Volume Seven, St. Philomena gives us a unique perspective on how to view fasting: 

“Do not fear bodily hardships because these things are fleeting. Be in the habit of denying your body a little every day. Again, this is practice. When you deny yourself, perhaps in fasting, you have not said, “I will never eat again.” You have said, “I will not eat for now. I will eat later.” It is the same. If you are in a position where your body is being denied something, simply tell yourself that you are being denied at the moment but not forever." 


Our enchantment with the world around us leaves very little time for growing closer to our Savior.  Today, let's find time to sit in solitude, even if only a few minutes, to focus on Jesus and how our fasting can create a humble self.  Humility, after all, is how Christ endured and resurfaced victorious from the forty days of isolation.  He was not proud or arrogant.  He was modest and courageous.  Perfection.


Thank you, Lord, for allowing Your beautiful saints to impart words of wisdom which guide and direct my daily walk with You.


God bless,
Bonnie

Transforming lives

Lay apostles never cease to amaze me.  People involved with this apostolate are moving mountains and transforming lives.  This morning I received an email from my dear sweet friend Crystal at DFOT.  She forwarded me an email from a lay apostle in India, Sunny George.  Sunny introduced the lay apostolate in Manipur, North East India last October to over 2,000 students at Don Bosco College.  Sunny gained firsthand experience of the enemy's spiritual warfare on this trip.  Plagued with acute headaches during his stay, nothing was going to stop him in spreading the messages from heaven.  The headaches subsided when he left Manipur.  This weekend, Sunny will be presenting the lay apostolate to a group of students in Kuttikanam.  Here is his email requesting prayers for this retreat:

"I am so glad to let you know that a weekend event (retreat) has been scheduled for the college students. The program will begin on this coming Friday (24) and will end on Sunday afternoon. The venue is Spirituality Center, Kuttikanam, a two-hour drive from my home. Around 80 students are expected to attend. We have planned to use the messages in the Volumes, especially Two and Six, along with Young Adults booklets for reflection and study. There are much to do in the next couple of days. We need more prayers. I am counting on you and the prayer Warriors in the Apostolate!"

Thank you, Sunny, for your faith and enthusiasm in spreading the messages from heaven!  Prayer warriors, please pray for the success of this retreat (and Sunny's health!).

In the Gospel today Jesus tells His disciples of the great suffering and rejection He is facing in the coming days.  I can imagine the confusion and panic the disciples must have felt hearing Jesus speak these incomprehensible words.  Then Jesus adds that in order to follow Him, they must deny themselves and take up their crosses on a daily basis.  They loved Jesus, so of course they endured any obstacles in their way to follow Him.

In the November 2007 Monthly Message, Jesus comforts by saying:

"My beloved apostle, I understand your struggles. You are becoming holier and yet you do not think you are making progress. Dear one, can you accept that the holier you become, the more holiness you crave? Can you accept that the more you become aware of your own flaws, the more willing you are to accept flaws in others? I am at peace that you are coming to know Me better. Each day brings growth of some kind for you, even if that growth originates in mistakes acknowledged and corrected. I understand you, dear apostle. I know that on some days you are ready for the battle of holiness and that on some days you feel you are not strong enough for the battle. This is what I want to tell you. You rise each day and pledge your allegiance to the Father. This commitment of your day insures that your Father takes you each day in the condition He finds you. Each weakness is used to increase your humility and illuminate for you the path to transformation. Do not become discouraged by the need for improvement. If you but continue on the path you have embarked upon, you will experience greater holiness. It can be no other way because those who pledge allegiance to the Father are cared for in every detail. Our greatest goal for you is holiness because only in holiness will you find peace and joy."

Did you pick up the cross of loneliness today and feel comforted knowing Jesus was by your side?  What about the cross of physical pain?  Did you offer up your suffering for the suffering Jesus endured?  And what about the cross of past mistakes?  Did you let go of them today finding refuge in our Saviors forgiving arms?  Remember, in order to follow Him, we must accept our suffering with the knowledge Jesus is right by our side, in our hearts and ready to comfort us.  All we have to do is pray.  He is waiting for you.

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me to strap on my cross every morning, knowing You are helping me carry the load. 

God bless,

Bonnie

Ash Wednesday - it's time for change

Our Lenten observance begins today with Ash Wednesday, a day of fasting and prayer for Catholics.  Chatting with one of my daughters last night, she asked what I was giving up for Lent.  Typically my answer is chocolate or coffee along with some virtue I need to work on.  But Lent isn't about giving up something for 40 days and then running to the store after Easter Mass to gobble up every bit of chocolate you can get your hands on.  It's about changing our hearts by growing closer to Jesus.  The 40 days of Lent help us focus on personal discipline in general.  Don't focus on what to give up.  Let's do the reverse!  What can we do better?  Pray more?  Adopt a healthier lifestyle?  More almsgiving?  Volunteering for those in need?  The sky is the limit!  Slow down and take a look around you.  Let's think positively by bettering ourselves, creating permanent changes in our hearts. What am I choosing to do this Lent?  First, I want to work on solitude.  I am giving up mindless TV watching and choosing to read more, pray more, and write more.  Second, I am going to try my hardest to fast on Wednesdays and Fridays.  Fasting is NOT easy for me, but I am determined.  Please pray for me!

In the November 2005 Monthly Message from Jesus, He shows us that by making even a small change, we can move mountains:

“But when a soul on earth, acting from faith, makes even the smallest act of love or fidelity to Me, I am given great glory and the family of God is given power. Yes, each time a soul on earth steps out for God in any way, the Kingdom grows. Do not put a limit on the importance of each little act and each little prayer. If you rose each day and pledged your allegiance to heaven with an honest desire to serve, and then went out and committed sins all day, you would still be considered a friend to the Savior. Now I know you will not do this because when you pledge your allegiance to Me, you are then wrapped in great graces. These graces assist you in each moment and illuminate My will for you so that you can more easily make heavenly decisions. But I am making a point so that you will understand that if you try to please Me in even the smallest way, you will change the world.”

My dear fellow lay apostles, each and every one of you are in my prayers.  Let's work on small changes, not complete personal reinvention in 40 days.  Keep it simple.  Let's make Jesus and all of heaven smile as they watch us attempt to change our hearts for Him.  

Thank you, Lord, for making change easier for me.  Knowing my small acts please you, I promise to continue climbing the mountain.

God bless,

Bonnie

The power of tempation

Temptation.  Such an ugly word. As we approach Lent we reflect on how Jesus was tempted in the desert.  None of us are immune to evil's seduction.  Temptation may present itself when we are at our weakest.  And our weakest can be when our lives are right on track.  We become complacent thinking we have it all under control.  Before long, temptation creeps in, upsetting our version of normal.  The grass begins to look a little greener on the other side. Whether it be in our careers, marriages, or families, temptation can create a desire so strong it can lure us away from what is right.  The fight between good and evil has been around since Adam and Eve.  Eve knew it was against God's direction to pick the apple from the tree.  Yet, evil convinced her otherwise. We are no different than Adam and Eve.  But, due to modern technology, temptations have become more accessible in the privacy of our own home.  Good 'ol free will.

With free will comes choices.  There is a great line in the movie Little Black Book, "Omission is betrayal."  If you feel like you have to lie or hide something, think twice about it before you make a mistake with irrevocable consequences.  Society is so fixated on making ourselves "feel" better despite outcomes.  Addictions, affairs (emotional and physical) and other poor choices we make only satisfy our perceived needs temporarily.  Our "truth" is whatever makes us feel better.  Fellow lay apostles, we must always follow God's truth, not our own.

In Anne a lay apostle's book The Mist of Mercy, she beautifully illustrates where temptation comes from:

"But many of God’s children have wandered further and further away from truth and the enemy is making fools of them. We must accept that God’s enemy wants only our destruction. The enemy of God has an agenda for us that includes unhappiness and eternal despair. The enemy sends temptation. When a person falls prey to a temptation and commits a sin or even merely an action that pulls the soul from goodness, the enemy exults. The enemy mocks humanity and works tirelessly to sow seeds of restlessness and anger, frustration and bitterness. All people should understand that just as God loves, the devil hates."


Today, let's choose God's truth.  If you are in the middle of something you know could be detrimental to a loved one, stop.  Stop and do the right thing.  It's not always easy, but when you choose good over evil, He will provide the graces needed to get you through.


Thank you, Lord, for helping me to choose Your truth. Evil can hit me with it's best shot, because I have no fear with You in my corner!


God bless,
Bonnie

Stepping Up To The Plate

As mentioned in an earlier blog post, I saw Matthew Kelly speak recently.  Not only was he an incredible speaker, but I am discovering he is also an incredible writer.  In the first few pages of Rediscover Catholicism, he captured me with his profound storytelling finesse.  It is time for Catholics to return to their roots . . . and it starts with you and me.  

My youngest daughter and I visited Italy for a mother-daughter trip last year.  Rome the first two days, then Florence for the remainder of our stay.  As we toured these beautiful cities, there is one thing which stands out:  beautiful Catholic cathedrals EVERYWHERE.  Some which have stood the test of time for centuries.  My mother was Italian, so truly we walked where my ancestors most likely did.  I observed her childlike expressions as we entered each cathedral.  Breathtaking.  She is a photographer, so the beauty surrounding us was a photographer's dream.  As a college student with everything but attending Mass on her mind, I took the opportunity to show her how prominent our faith is in Europe. It is such a visual to realize Catholicism's influence on the world.  As much as Catholicism has contributed (and still does) since the death of our Lord, why are so many backing away from our beautiful faith?  Yes, there are scandals and the media is quick to point it out if it involves Catholics.  But, come on, fellow Christians, there is scandal everywhere - in every faith, every profession, basically, every walk of life. In the Lay Apostolate of Jesus Christ the Returning King, Jesus has declared our times as the Age of Disobedience.  In Volume Two, He speaks to His children about coming home:

“Children, I want to speak with you about obedience. I, as your God, am obedient to you. I protect you when I am asked. I render assistance when I am prevailed upon. I created a beautiful world for you to learn about love so you might earn your heaven. I, your God, am doing My part. I am asking you now to do your part. I speak only from concern, My children. Your world, distorted as it is, seeks to confuse you and make you think that obedience is a negative thing that weakens you. I assure you, My child, I am all-powerful. I am Jesus Christ and if you look at My time in your world, you will see that I was obedient to all whose obedience had call upon Me. I was obedient to God. I was obedient to the laws of that time set forth by the governing rulers. I was obedient to the religious authorities. I was also obedient to My parents. If you study My life you will see a life of holy obedience and meekness. And yet, a man with more power never walked the face of your earth. There is great strength in obedience, and I want to show that to you. Come to Me in the Sacrament of the Eucharist and I will teach you about obedience, revealing its beauty and the strength that lies with this misunderstood virtue. What am I asking of you, you might wonder. I am asking you to obey your Church, first of all. My Church has suffered in this time. Many children have taken this passion time of the Church as a license to be disobedient. Children, this must cease. You are called on to be obedient to your Church and in this way you are obedient to Me. I do not seek your destruction, My child. I seek your salvation. That is why I have given you this Church with all of its wisdom. Many souls say that the world has changed and because of this, the Church must change. Well, I assure you today, I have not changed. Heaven has not changed. You will discover this first-hand one day. The changes have occurred in your world and I am coming to you today through this prophet to tell you that the changes are destroying mankind. Change is not always bad, of course, but your world has deteriorated to an Age of Disobedience and too many souls are being lost. I am intervening in a significant way now to reset the course and direction for you. Heed My words this day. I come to you in love, My children. I bring you unlimited graces. Do not be afraid to change your life, even though it means admitting you have made mistakes. A wise man does not fear mistakes because he knows they are inevitable. Indeed, it is through these mistakes and through the study of past mistakes that we learn for the future. And it is the future I am concerned about. I want your future to be glorious. I want only good things for you. I have the graces necessary to insure that you succeed spiritually. You need not fear that you are not holy enough to follow Me. My child, I know all. I call you because your destiny lies with Me. I am your God and I call you by name into My heavenly service. Do not disappoint Me. Begin by the smallest acts of obedience to your Church and I will lead you to the heights of holiness for which I created you. Fear nothing. Sit with Me in silence and I promise to direct you. You need only come to Me and the changes will begin. How you will welcome these changes. Your world does not offer peace. Peace comes only from Me. Make haste to return to Me for My graces are waiting.”

Today, click on one of the links to the right of this blog.  Read one of the Heaven Speaks booklets (free to download).  Click on the link to download the Volumes for free.  I promise, they will change your life.  To quote Matthew Kelly in his book  Rediscover Catholicism (page 261), "The goal of spiritual reading is to ignite the soul with a desire to grow in virtue and thus become the-best-version-of-oneself."

Thank you, Lord, for inspiring me to dig deeper into my Catholic faith.  Please give me the graces needed to continue on my journey to becoming a better version of myself.  Sorry it has taken me so long to get here.

God bless,

Bonnie

Banishing self-interest

I am a mother, first and foremost.  My daughters are the most precious gifts the Lord has ever bestowed upon me.  The minute each of them was born, my heart, well, to quote from a famous animated movie (Grinch Who Stole Christmas), "grew three sizes that day..."  My selfish desires became like a grain of sand on a vast beach.  There, but so insignificant compared to children requiring all the love and protection deserved while here on this earth. But my own self-interest would rear its ugly head once in a while (and still does!).  I wanted what I wanted despite potential consequences.  And the consequences almost always affected those whom I love the most.  Do you see the problem here?  Pursuing our own desires and not those of Jesus will eventually lead us astray.  Away from Him.  Yes, God has given us free-will.  But, choosing our own will over the Father's will can be detrimental to ourselves and those we love.  In Anne a lay apostle's latest book, Whispers From the Cross, Jesus has this to say about self-interest:

"Dear apostles, so often I have counseled you to see yourself as small so that I can be seen as God in all of My power.  I repeat this plea today.  I know that My apostles love Me.  I know that you wish to serve Me and I see your great efforts toward the work I have entrusted to you.  And yet, many of you continue to take the assignments I have given to you and impose your will on them.  Do not be confused. I see that you are serving Me and trying to do My will.  What I am asking you now is that you give greater consideration to completing your work for Me, My way, not your way.  My way is different than your way.  My way is to advance into each day's work in complete humility and complete willingness.  I was a victim to the Father's work. I ask that you, too, be prepared to be a victim to the Father's work.  Only in this way will we, together, be able to draw people back to love and then from there to service.  Beloved ones, you will be disappointed if you look back and see a lifetime of service to Me done with the spirit of selfish humanity.  You will be so sad and so remorseful.  Will you be welcome in My kingdom?  Of course you will be welcome home.  But you will feel much more joy upon your arrival if you rebuked your temptations to be seen as important and powerful and, instead, embraced My Spirit of humility and selflessness in your service."

Today, let's all work on banishing our self-interest and focusing on what we can do to bring others closer to Christ.  If, for example, you are about to become a new parent, move toward loving and caring for your spouse and new arrival.  Not on how you will miss happy hour with your friends after work.  In the end, what is more important?  Serving your loved ones or having a good time?  Believe me, serving is much more rewarding.

Thank you, Lord, for leading me despite my own self-interest.  I wouldn't have the close relationship with my girls if it wasn't for You giving me the strength to be a good parent.

God bless,
Bonnie

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

I am a huge Kelly Clarkson fan.  No matter what your state of mind, good or bad, she has a song to compassionately console you, get you pumped up, or even make you cry.  My daughters and I call it a Kelly Clarkson Day when all we want to hear is her belting out our emotions.  It just feels good.


The past 5 days have been rough since my daughter's car accident.  Dealing with surgeons, insurance, my daughter's school, lawyers, etc., just about sent me over the edge.  I certainly don't have the stamina I did in my earlier years.  After all the chaos was over and my daughter snug in her bed after surgery, it was time for me to head back home, a 2 hour drive.  It was a Kelly Clarkson Day.  So I plugged her in and the first song in the shuffle was, "What Doesn't Kill You (makes you stronger)."  Perfect song to pump me up.  But where does our strength really come from?  Not a song, of course, but faith in Jesus.  When our crosses become too heavy, all we need to do is ask Him to lighten them or shift the weight elsewhere.  In Volume Ten, Jesus relieves any pressure we may feel:

“Your fears, your hesitance, have no bearing on how you will perform for Me. Do not worry about your ability when it comes to completing your duty. Do not worry about your lack of strength. It will come from Me. It will flow deeply and completely from Me. Your willingness to serve is all that is required.”

After listening to that song, I immediately switched over to the Rosary, my real strength.  The chaos didn't kill me, and Jesus made me stronger.

Thank you, Lord, for helping me with some heavy crosses at times.  I could not survive without You.  

God bless,

Bonnie

Waiting . . .

As I sit in the waiting room while my baby girl is in surgery, all I can pray is Jesus protect my girl and bring her back to me.  My heart hurts so much right now.  But she is in very capable hands, one of the best reconstructive surgeons in Florida.  As comforting as that is, my baby is in His Loving Hands.  I feel Mary our Blessed Mother wrapping her mantle around Tay keeping her in the safety of a mother's arms when her earthly mother cannot.

The surgeon just came out before I even had the chance start my Rosary!  Praise the Lord!  He said she did great and was already talking!

Short post tonight!  Exhausted and thankful mom here.  Thank you to everyone praying for Taylor.  She was in Good Hands!

God bless,
Bonnie

Preparing for the storms

It's the phone call every parent dreads.  Your child has been in a car accident.  That call came this past Thursday night.  I had been out with friends to hear speaker and author Matthew Kelly (Rediscover Catholicism, Off Balance) discuss why now is the time to step up as Catholics.  During his talk, to paraphrase, he said, "be prepared for the storms, for you never know when they will come."  Boy, I did not expect the storm to occur so quickly.  Not more than an hour after his talk, the call came. My youngest daughter, a college student on the opposite coast of Florida, had been rear-ended.  Her dear friend who had been in the car with her, called me from the scene of the accident.  My heart stopped.  She said Taylor was ok, maybe a broken nose.  But the car was totaled.  The paramedic asked to speak with me.  All vital signs were good, but taking her to the hospital for assessment.  She told me if they hadn't been wearing their seat belts, they would have flown through the front windshield.  The impact crushed the rear end of the car into the front seats.  Only by the grace of God did those girls walk away from this accident.  And, with no head injuries.  Just a broken nose and some whiplash.  I have been with my daughter this entire weekend, and have not stopped thanking the Lord for allowing me to have my daughter by my side, healthy, alive, talking, walking, and still my baby girl.  

In the November 2010 Monthly Message, Jesus shows us the power of our prayers.  We may not understand why certain things happen, difficult things.  One day, when we face our Lord, all will make sense.  

". . . You, dear apostle, have shown Me that you are interested in My pain which will always involve the pain of humanity. This moves My heart to the greatest generosity. I answer your prayers in a mystical way. Some day you will see that I answered your prayers in the most beneficial way possible, given the intention. Many unnecessary calamities are avoided because of prayer. The greatest mercy flows down to your loved ones through your prayers, even though you suffer terribly when you see your loved ones hurt or when you must be separated from them, particularly when you do not expect to be separated from them. I am the merciful Christ in all of these situations."

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord, for sparing my daughter and her friend.  I truly can't imagine the pain of losing a child.  Please comfort those who have lost a child and flow graces to them bringing peace into their aching hearts.  

God bless,

Bonnie


P.S.  There has been such an outpouring of love and prayers for Taylor and me this past weekend. But there are some people I have to thank: Karen, Stan, Tim and Jenna for keeping me calm during that awful phone call; Whitney for being my strength when I needed it that night; Mallorie for her love and prayers; Steve for all his love and prayers; Hannah for taking care of my baby girl until I could get there; everyone at DFOT for their love and prayers; and all the wonderful people I have met here in Ft. Lauderdale this weekend: Lauren (who kept Tay calm in a scary situation), Ross (for sitting by my girl in the ER until she was discharged); Anthony (Antman!) for prayers and being so thoughtful taking pressure off regarding Tay's car situation.   And, all my Facebook friends who prayed for us!  I love you all!

A single lay apostle

Living the single life after divorce has its ups and downs.  The upside is freedom to do as I please.  If I want to eat Reece's Peanut Butter cups for dinner, no one is around to condemn my choice (I have only done this a few times . . . ok, maybe more than a few!).  The downside?   At night, when the phone stops ringing and silence prevails, loneliness can edge its way in.  I have grown accustomed to the quiet now.  But occasionally, in the stillness of the night, I contemplate the dating world.  I know exactly what I want and need at this point in my life. Finding the right man is not an easy task.   My priorities have shifted significantly. Is it really about finding someone who satisfies all my needs?  In Anne a lay apostle's book Lessons in Love, her brilliant words refocus me.

"Let us remember, single apostles, that our time is best spent becoming the right person, not trying to find the right person. Do not spend the bulk of your time looking. Spend the bulk of your time becoming. Become. If we, as single lay apostles, constantly seek to find the right person, we are not trying hard enough to become the right person. In this case, we are ignoring our need for development and the right person might not choose us because we have not cooperated with the Lord in our own formation."

I am working hard to become the right person.  I feel Jesus refocusing my attention away from relationships and closer to my life centering around Him.  When I was at my weakest, He knew I needed some major distractions.  So, He is blessing me with two grandchildren this year!  My first grandchild will be here in about 8 weeks!  Perfect timing as always, Jesus!

Thank you, Lord, for leading me to Your Sacred Heart.  I know I must be extremely challenging for You, and I appreciate Your patience!

God bless,

Bonnie