Looking back on my life, I can see how Jesus was preparing me for this moment in time. My not-so-stellar choices have led me straight into His arms. He knows I am stubborn, hard-headed and would require multiple occurrences of the same offense to learn the lessons. There was a time I didn't love myself enough to face the truth of my reality. Numbing the pain sufficed for a while. The problem with numbing is you eventually sober up again. I was never an alcoholic, but the analogy works here for me. My numbing consisted of multi-tasking, occupying my mind to the extent my past was not recognizable . . . or I should say memorable, by choice. My outside did not correspond with my inside. There is a song by Kelly Clarkson called "Maybe" which describes who I was (and still struggle with at times) while on my path to Christ. Here's a little piece of me:
My big spiritual cleansing occurred in 2006. The day Anne a lay apostle and the Volumes came into my life. I finally understood. I finally let go. I finally began to know Jesus.
In today's Gospel (Luke 11:37-41), Jesus wants us to understand looking pious on the outside does not make us holy on the inside:
After Jesus had spoken, a Pharisee invited him to dine at his home. He entered and reclined at table to eat. The Pharisee was amazed to see that he did not observe the prescribed washing before the meal. The Lord said to him, "Oh you Pharisees! Although you cleanse the outside of the cup and the dish, inside you are filled with plunder and evil. You fools! Did not the maker of the outside also make the inside? But as to what is within, give alms, and behold, everything will be clean for you."
In Volume Two, Jesus explains how He will heal our brokenness:
"I have come to cleanse souls. Much as a mother cleans her house, My child, I am cleaning and organizing your soul. If you have been away from Me, We must be busy. Events in your life, from your past, must be looked at now in a different way. This is an important task, and that is why I am spending time on it with you. Events can leave marks on your heart when you are not praying. Hence, My goal. To clean these marks and leave a heart that gives and receives love freely. When you pray, My child, I help you to sift through the experiences occurring in your life. Perhaps you have a disappointment today. Taken alone, without My assistance, you might feel down, sad and discouraged. If pride is a problem for you, and many suffer from pride, you might not share your sadness and disappointment with even another soul. It remains on your poor heart and, after a time, this turns to bitterness. Now, earthly life being what it is, and human beings being flawed, as they are in their search for perfection, you encounter yet another disappointment or betrayal. Pride asserts itself and again you do not adequately share your grief. Another patch of disappointment turns to bitterness and covers another area of your poor little heart. My child, when this process continues, you have a heart enclosed in bitterness. A heart needs love, in the same way your lungs need oxygen. Your heart was designed this way, dearest, and if your heart is enclosed, the love is blocked off. How handicapped you are in the spiritual sense. How it grieves Me to see you so disturbed and unhappy. My little one, I am coming to clean every mark from your heart so that you will love freely, as I love. Do not think this is an impossible task. I am Jesus. I am God."
Lay apostles, when was the last time you did a little spiritual cleansing? If you are Catholic (or even if you're not), get into an Adoration Chapel and let Jesus apply the salve of His love and forgiveness on your broken heart. Release the bitterness you have built up over the years. Let Him in. Let Him cleanse you.
Thank you, Lord, for all the spiritual cleansing You have done so far in me. I know I still have a ways to go, but I am confident You know what You are doing!
God bless,
Bonnie
I'm strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe
My big spiritual cleansing occurred in 2006. The day Anne a lay apostle and the Volumes came into my life. I finally understood. I finally let go. I finally began to know Jesus.
In today's Gospel (Luke 11:37-41), Jesus wants us to understand looking pious on the outside does not make us holy on the inside:
After Jesus had spoken, a Pharisee invited him to dine at his home. He entered and reclined at table to eat. The Pharisee was amazed to see that he did not observe the prescribed washing before the meal. The Lord said to him, "Oh you Pharisees! Although you cleanse the outside of the cup and the dish, inside you are filled with plunder and evil. You fools! Did not the maker of the outside also make the inside? But as to what is within, give alms, and behold, everything will be clean for you."
In Volume Two, Jesus explains how He will heal our brokenness:
"I have come to cleanse souls. Much as a mother cleans her house, My child, I am cleaning and organizing your soul. If you have been away from Me, We must be busy. Events in your life, from your past, must be looked at now in a different way. This is an important task, and that is why I am spending time on it with you. Events can leave marks on your heart when you are not praying. Hence, My goal. To clean these marks and leave a heart that gives and receives love freely. When you pray, My child, I help you to sift through the experiences occurring in your life. Perhaps you have a disappointment today. Taken alone, without My assistance, you might feel down, sad and discouraged. If pride is a problem for you, and many suffer from pride, you might not share your sadness and disappointment with even another soul. It remains on your poor heart and, after a time, this turns to bitterness. Now, earthly life being what it is, and human beings being flawed, as they are in their search for perfection, you encounter yet another disappointment or betrayal. Pride asserts itself and again you do not adequately share your grief. Another patch of disappointment turns to bitterness and covers another area of your poor little heart. My child, when this process continues, you have a heart enclosed in bitterness. A heart needs love, in the same way your lungs need oxygen. Your heart was designed this way, dearest, and if your heart is enclosed, the love is blocked off. How handicapped you are in the spiritual sense. How it grieves Me to see you so disturbed and unhappy. My little one, I am coming to clean every mark from your heart so that you will love freely, as I love. Do not think this is an impossible task. I am Jesus. I am God."
Lay apostles, when was the last time you did a little spiritual cleansing? If you are Catholic (or even if you're not), get into an Adoration Chapel and let Jesus apply the salve of His love and forgiveness on your broken heart. Release the bitterness you have built up over the years. Let Him in. Let Him cleanse you.
Thank you, Lord, for all the spiritual cleansing You have done so far in me. I know I still have a ways to go, but I am confident You know what You are doing!
God bless,
Bonnie
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