The Poverty of Pride

Blog post from my favorite young adult writer, Annie:

In the few weeks leading up to Lent, I think about Gerard Butler in the movie 300 shouting “THIS, IS, SPARTA!” and kicking the Persian guy into the hole. That’s how I feel about Lent. “THIS, IS, LENT!!!!!” The spiritual Olympics. Here we go. Kick those bad habits right down that hole. Take that, Athens. I mean Satan.

Every year I try to think of some new creative way to either deprive myself or enhance my spiritual life, all in the name of holiness growth, of course. But no matter what resolutions we make or how many services we attend, we will always stumble over the same particular roadblock. Pride. The natural enemy of personal progress.  

In today’s Gospel (Matthew 20;17-28), the twelve apostles get a little too assertive about authority they don’t have, and Jesus reminds them – and us – about the importance of being humble:

“And as Jesus was going up to Jerusalem, he took the twelve disciples aside, and on the way he said to them, "Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem; and the Son of man will be delivered to the chief priests and scribes, and they will condemn him to death, and deliver him to the Gentiles to be mocked and scourged and crucified, and he will be raised on the third day." Then the mother of the sons of Zeb'edee came up to him, with her sons, and kneeling before him she asked him for something. And he said to her, "What do you want?" She said to him, "Command that these two sons of mine may sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom." But Jesus answered, "You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?" They said to him, "We are able." He said to them, "You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father." And when the ten heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers. But Jesus called them to him and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you; but whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave; even as the Son of man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Humility is the name of the holiness game. I’ve found that this trips me up in so many subtle, sneaky ways. Humility is that delicate place between being too hard on yourself and being too full of yourself – neither pole is noble, and there are traps on either side that disguise themselves in appealing cloaks. Take the apostles for instance. Odds are good they weren’t just bickering over table placements at a party – maybe they all just wanted to be as close to God as possible, and in their limited human perceptions didn’t realize that getting closer to God isn’t about where you sit. Maybe they just misunderstood what would bring them closer to God. It’s not like Disneyworld, we can’t just skip to the front of the queue or cheat our way into fast passes to get through the gate quicker*. Jesus gently reminds them that they need to have meekness of spirit and a spirit of service.

But isn’t it a good thing to be kind to yourself? How do you maintain a healthy ego and self-esteem without a degree of pride in yourself, and how do you avoid the self-hatred or timidity that meekness can threaten on the opposite end of the spectrum?

Well if you were expecting me to answer those questions, the joke is on you, because I can’t. I’m certainly not at that perfectly balanced place yet. All I know is that so far, I’ve had to sacrifice a dismaying amount of ego for the sake of service to God, and it can be incredibly difficult. But I also know that I have never been disappointed yet in what He gives in its place.

In the Monthly Message from May 2009, Jesus does a much better job than I am of illuminating these truths:

“How often have I called you ‘My little apostles’? Have I ever called you ‘My big apostles’? Why do you think it is that I call you ‘little’? I will tell you. It is because each apostle, by his desire to serve, becomes little. He becomes little so that God can be glorified. If a person is serving Me, that person desires only My glory. If a person is serving Me, he desires to be seen as a servant of men, not as a master of men. In the case of leaders, this desire for humility must be even more pronounced lest the leader begin to believe that he himself is leading, as opposed to My great hope which is that I, Jesus, am leading through the man. I intend to send leaders during this time. You will know them by their spirit of service. You will know them by their humility. You will know them because they will help you to think of Me and what I need from you. No man is entitled to the glory reserved for God. No man is worthy of this glory. I only speak in this way today so that each man will consider his call to service as a call to holiness. I want each man to give credit to Me for the good that I allow to come through him into the world. Do you understand, little apostles? I am reminding you that all good comes from Me so that you will not be tempted to pride by the great fruits I send through your service and your commitment to Me. It is important that every apostle examine himself for signs and symptoms of pride. I ask this of you in a serious way today. We, together, are ushering in a time of grace, and graces will be apparent, not through your power but through Mine. Little apostles, do not believe that Jesus is scolding you. I am not. I am helping you to examine yourself to prevent difficulties, both for your holiness and for My plan. I will help you in this each day if you ask Me.  Ask Me to send an outpouring of the Spirit to you whenever you are afraid that pride is troubling you. I will do this for you because I love you and because pride makes you so terribly sad. Pride is the great devourer of joy. You, My beautiful apostles, are entitled to joy and I send My joy to you today. All is well. We work together to perfect your soul.”

Even though it can be hard to let go of pride in many cases, this is actually incredibly liberating, in a way. It allows us to shed self-images and considerations of self that actually exhaust us. I mean, “devourer of joy”? Yeah, no thanks – I like my joy un-devoured, thank you. So I’m going to (try to) focus more on my service and my humility this year. Maybe pride can be my Persian messenger this Lent. (If you haven’t seen 300, just watch the “THIS IS SPARTA” 30 second clip on YouTube. You’ll get it.) 

Happy Lenten season everybody!

God bless,

Annie

*I will neither confirm nor deny the occurrence of having slightly scammed the Disney system for the sake of quick and easy access to Space Mountain. No further comments.