It's Hard To Stay Delightful

Guest Blogger: Annie!

As a teenager I always used to pride myself on being extremely good at not judging people. It was my favourite Catholic teaching, one I felt that the Church could do with advertising a little better– you know, let’s talk less about hellfire and damnation and start hyping up the peace-and-love part of the Catechism. I was well versed in not judging people for bad attitudes, past mistakes or poor life decisions; none of it fazed me. God loved them and me and everyone and we were all sinners and all saints and all together, lalalala, hi I’m basically a hippie.

Enter college. I wasn’t exactly prepared for some certain social challenges of a small, Catholic, American university. (If you went to a small Catholic American university, you may see where this is going.) There was a small group of people that seemed to take an instant dislike to me, for reasons that evaded my understanding, because as my mom tells me, I’m delightful. But it’s hard to stay delightful when people are looking you up and down and you can FEEL them judging your clothes, your appearance, your language, everything about you, before they even open their mouths to assure you with false kindness that that is exactly what they are doing. I just could not be Catholic, or pure, or good enough for these people. The unfairness of it drove me insane and I retaliated to the hate vibes by labeling them with my friends as hypocrites and meanies and something that rhymes which clucking glass bowls (I shall preserve the integrity of Bonnie’s blog by not even rhyming some of the other words I may have used!) It took me a while to realize what had happened, and when I finally did I actually burst out laughing at myself; I had become what I loathed by being just as judgmental as they were. The Gospel today (Luke 6:39-42) talks about the importance of focusing on fixing our own flaws and not micro-analyzing everything our neighbours are doing wrong:

Jesus told his disciples a parable: “Can a blind person guide a blind person? Will not both fall into a pit? No disciple is superior to the teacher; but when fully trained, every disciple will be like his teacher. Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove that splinter in your eye,’ when you do not even notice the wooden beam in your own eye? You hypocrite! Remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter in your brother’s eye.”

The thing is, if your brother was walking around with literally a giant wooden beam in his eye, how hard would it be not to notice??? I mean, come on, that’s probably the first thing you’d see! It’s probably unpleasant and very distracting to look at. Likewise with other people’s shortcomings, they can be, frankly, really annoying, and it’s hard not to judge on that level. But nobody likes to be on the receiving end of “that person” and we have to be careful about not allowing such an experience to make us become “that person.” The good news is we don’t have to be blind; we can be fully trained, loving disciples instead of the word that rhymes with glass bowls. 

The Monthly Message from May 2009 is really consoling and instructive in this area:

"My children, your work stretches out before you. How many serve? How many resist My will for them? When you consider others who do not seem to be serving Me, I want you to turn your face away. I want you to consider only My will for you in a given moment. This will protect you from many temptations. You can answer Me with simplicity when I ask you at the end of the day, 'Have you served Me well today?' You can simply say, 'Yes, Lord. I have done My best.' Then you can lay down your worries and rest. Beloved apostles of God, do not be distracted by others. I know this is hard for you. I know that others can cause you upset. But if you consider how I have asked you to experience others, you will do better. I want you to view those around you as pilgrims journeying toward Me. That is what you are, after all. Can you deny others the need to move gradually to perfection when you, yourself are doing the same? You are involved in a process which means that you remain imperfect. Why would it be different for those around you? You have come to trust My loving compassion, My forgiveness and My uninterrupted affection. That is because you have come to know Me. If others do not know Me as well as you do, they will trust Me less. If they trust Me less, they will experience fear and this will cause them difficulty which moves out from the fear to greater and greater pain. If My apostles will accept that fear of being unloved is the source of great pain for others, My apostles will view the mistakes of others with compassion, as I do. Yes, the pain of humanity can only be remedied by loving compassion. This is why you are sent out by Me. You move into the world with heaven’s healing compassion. My apostles, perhaps you do not feel this compassion from others. Perhaps you feel that you are in need of compassion and find only condemnation. I make two remarks about this. One, please be willing to ask for understanding from other holy apostles and then accept what they offer to you in humility. Next, ask Me if I am judging you. Ask Me if I view you harshly. You know that I do not. I am pleased with whatever you offer Me in terms of fidelity and service. I am pleased with whatever you give to Me in terms of prayer and silence. I work so well in your little soul when you allow Me. I feel the greatest compassion for you. I am happy with your efforts to be holy and to love those around you. I rejoice in you. I rejoice in your commitment to Me. I urge you today in the most serious way to trust Me and trust in My plan for you."

What a great way to look at other people. Jesus basically says it perfectly here, and I think this advice is pretty solid, and something I definitely want to work on. Basically, haters gonna secretly crave affection, and if someone is judging you? The best response is love and kindness.

God bless,

Annie